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Is it ok to think this way??


dillydilly

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I am 31 years old. I have a great career. I have a house, no children, my own money. I was in a relationship with someone that did not have as many things as i did. But I loved him and accepted him for who he was. After dating for 2 years I asked about our future goals and where this was heading... he didnt have an answer, just said he wasnt thinking about it and and didnt know when. But I felt like I deserved some answers.:sad:

 

Was I wrong for wanting more..?

 

I wanted a future plan. Planning on living together, planning on marriage, kids etc.. some kind of time line or something to look forward to... To know and feel that I am a priority, that I am considered in his future plans. I got nothing!

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I am 31 years old. I have a great career. I have a house, no children, my own money. I was in a relationship with someone that did not have as many things as i did. But I loved him and accepted him for who he was. After dating for 2 years I asked about our future goals and where this was heading... he didnt have an answer, just said he wasnt thinking about it and and didnt know when. But I felt like I deserved some answers.:sad:

 

Was I wrong for wanting more..?

 

Uhh... its been 2 years...he should have some sort of idea. Sorry.

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I am 31 years old. I have a great career. I have a house, no children, my own money. I was in a relationship with someone that did not have as many things as i did. But I loved him and accepted him for who he was. After dating for 2 years I asked about our future goals and where this was heading... he didnt have an answer, just said he wasnt thinking about it and and didnt know when. But I felt like I deserved some answers.:sad:

 

Was I wrong for wanting more..?

 

I wanted a future plan. Planning on living together, planning on marriage, kids etc.. some kind of time line or something to look forward to... To know and feel that I am a priority, that I am considered in his future plans. I got nothing!

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dilly then no, you are not in the wrong. After two years if he hasn't considered taking the relationship to the next level it is only logical to to require that he does. If he still refuses or doesn't, you are wasting your time with him.

 

You shouldn't be the only one building a future together. You, presuming you are loyal and loving like you say you are, deserve as much as you put into it.

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Maybe he thought you were content with the way things were going currently and hadn't given it much thought?

 

I was with my gf for 1.5 years and when we first met she wasn't in a rush to get married, didn't want children, and was happy the way things were. Then around the year mark out of no where she is secretly resenting me because I wasn't thinking about marriage or children and she was literally pissed off at me because I wasn't stepping up to the plate.

 

Heck I had only been out of college for 9 months and with her "not in a rush to marry and don't want kids" stance when we started dating...how the hell was I supposed to know that these things were a priority to her?

 

Are you sure you've indicated that these are things you want and are important to you? If not, maybe you should bring these things up to him and if he isn't into them then it might be time to start looking for someone that is. Generally these are things that should be discussed and agreed upon earlier on in the relationship because they dictate the direction of your relationship and life.

 

These are big, relationship breaking issues if they aren't ironed out.

 

And for the record I wanted all of those things for sure but I wanted to get more secure in my career and income before I bring in lives that I am responsible for. So the timing was a bit off.

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I win,

 

Before we got serious, I told him that I was looking for a relationship that was going to lead to a future. That I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a family, kids and a future. It was no secret. I even talked about this during the course of our relationship and at one point he even started to make plans. But then we got distracted on other things and time went on and now months later I am asking for direction, somekind of trail to follow together... and nothing.

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Its defenitely ok!

Anyone would want to know where their relationship was heading, if the person they are with is it in for the same things, and if you're both headed in the right direction.

 

If he wasn't thinking about it, planning it, or willing to sit down and figure some stuff out with you and talk about it, then you did the right thing.

 

If getting more out of life and the relationship wasn't something he was interested in, then yes, you made the right choice.

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I don't really see this as a matter of right or wrong. You think about the future and have expectations for it. Obviously he does not or does not want to admit them. If that difference is enough to make you want to do whatever that action caused you to do then it is simply a difference of personalities. I think its fairly intolerant to consider someone "wrong" just because they don't think about the future like you do. The more adaptable 2 people are the more successful their relationship is likely to be, and frankly, the more in love they are the more adaptable to each other and dismissive of flaws they tend to be. Simple as that. So really, the important question is how important is this to you, not is he wrong or right to anybody else (except for the fact that garnering others opinions is a way of shaping your own).

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dilly honestly if this guy is worth being with he will pursue you and try to win you back, promising to seriously talk about your future together.

 

By wanting a future with him you GAVE him otherwise unconditionally the best and most intimate part of yourself. You wanted possible marriage and a family. That is a HONOR and a PRAISE and he took it for granted and was flaky about it.

 

I am pretty derisive about the stupid things people break up for but this is not one of them. You DESERVE more.

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