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friendships, and controlling parents

5 Signs of A Strong Friendship – ...
5 Signs of A Strong Friendship – Spotting A True Friend

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Has anyone here ever had parents so controlling, that from young they would scarcely let you go out with a friend for more than once a week? And a parent / parents who made a big deal whenever you invited a friend over? (Ex. You would have to let them know a day ahead of time if a friend was coming over, and even then they would often say something like, 'There's nothing to do here'?)


I feel like I've falsely prioritized my life as a result of my upbringing. I always find myself longing for the day I live on my own, so that I can actually manage to KEEP friends somehow. I don't go out often; nor am I entirely a phone person with friends. When I was young, I used to always have to make up excuses for my inability to go out... since then, it's begun to become something I just do. I'm someone who needs my alone time, but at times it gets so bad that I sink into loneliness. And yet, there are plenty of other times I harden myself to the world... and don't give a damn that I seem to be losing a friend.


Some of my friends, who DO go out often, end up sidetracking me / treating me in a * * * * * y way... and I know it's because I fall out of contact with them. And I don't WANT to... but I also feel as though I will never be able to be like them... and so there's a deeper problem I can't solve.


At this point, I'm sure most people would agree that the blame falls on me for the friendships that dwindle / the friendships I lose. But I can't seem to find a happy medium.

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Yes! The problem is once we become self-aware adults, we can't keep blaming our parents for our problems. Ultimately we're the ones that have to figure out what makes us happy and if we're not, we have to take responsibility for our own happiness. (Otherwise we just end up cycling between rage, and being depressed, and nothing ever changing.)


The best thing you can do for yourself is to figure out what makes you happy and in what "doses." If you're lonely, go out more and find people who share you interests. Just because your friends like to go out often, doesn't you mean you have to. You're your own person with your own interests. If your friends don't understand that about you, then they may not be right for you. This isn't anyone's "fault" it's just the natural difference between extroverts and introverts.


I'm introverted and not much of a party animal, but I have friends who are extreme extroverts and others who are extreme introverts. I make sure to spend time with them by phone or email them every week (friendship maintenance), but I also make the time to listen to their problems, when they really need to be heard.


When I need time alone, I explain why. Most mature adults understand. (And the good news is the more extroverted ones love making new friends, so I find that they're perfectly happy to go out with someone else, if I'm not feeling like it.) I'm lucky because having different types of friends means that I can stay true to myself emotionally, but that I can also spend time with others who are more outgoing or less so, depending on my mood.

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