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absolutely ripped apart


goodguy81

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so my ex texted me saying that she cant ever get back with me and that she made her decision and my gut is this time it sticks because i dont think eitehr one of us has the energy or emotions to try again

 

im absolutely devastated and ripped apart..i feel alone and miserable and feel like i will never be happy again adn that i suck by her picking someone over me

 

sorry but i will be ranting on this thread today as my day goes to let my feelings out

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Yep... getting dumped sucks. Yep... it feels like you are being cut open and your innards are hanging open for the world to see. All normal feelings.

 

Take care of you. Go for a walk. Listen to some loud ANGRY music...

"Heavy metal" always does the trick for me and stay busy. If all else

fails... go out into the middle of the woods and "SCREAM" as loud as you can. OR... do the next best thing, go buy concert tickets to a "Buckcherry" concert or whomever, and scream your brains out there.

It works. Seriously. I've done it. It's cathrartic.

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i brought this pain upon myself...she came back and said she wanted back..i said ok..i relived this breakup numerous times..was with her for 9 years

 

shes with someone new and inferior in my opinion and i feel worthless and like something is wrong with me..on paper i know im a much better person than he is

 

i have teh feelings of never finding anyone again..low self confidence..etc

 

im a mess

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i hate that stuff.. often times you will look inward if your ex or someone you are dealing with chooses a lesser person than you.. over you.

But remember, they are the ones making the crappy decision. Some people can handle having a good thing, and some people can't, and they go for something crappy.

Its not you, its them.

Now go find someone who deserves you.

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9 years? Thats a long time. Its time you spent some time on yourself and realized whats out there. Don't let someone be mean to you and talk to you like that and not be angry. Get mad. Just because there is someone else doesn't mean anything IMO. Girls seem to get infatuated with a new person once the old one is not there though they never seem to forget about the ex. Just go on and do yourself a favor, treat yourself good. Its going to suck but its not the end of the world. You never know what life will bring you and you never know if she will come back again (after 9 years she might) If she does you will be in a better position to decide if you were treated fairly and can make your decision that way...if she doesn't come back well you will be healed and ready for someone who will treat you like you deserve. good luck...im going through it right this minute so im with you.

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i just feel worthless..like i wont find anyone that I WOULD LIKE..that my sweet girlfriend is now my evil ex..taht im giong to be alone forever or will end up settling

 

that i have no one to open up to anymore..that my best friend is gone

 

First of all you can open up to us, that's what we're here for. We've all been through what you are feeling right now - that you'll be alone forever, feeling worthless, etc. Nothing could be farther from the truth! You need to take some time to grieve this relationship, and figure out what went wrong, on her part, on your part, what are the lessons you can take away from this relationship that will make you better for the next one. Spend this time taking care of yourself, do things that make you happy to stay busy. Rent movies, read good books, go hiking, hang with friends, etc. Come here and vent as often as you need to.

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it makes no sense to me or anyone else that knows the both of us..i never did her wrong..never cheated, supported her financially and emotionally, was there for her and her family...when she had issues, i told her i will address whatever it was and did..yet she just found more excuses in my opinion

 

then she went back and forth about wanting to be back and toying with me

 

i know what i brought to the table that was better..my friends call me one of the most straight up and loyal people they know..i have a great and stable career , especially for my age..have my own place..am very independent...am pretty healthy

 

i dont know..part of my might be holding on to the past and the memories and putting on a pedestal..part of me might be afraid of being alone and knowing that we are completely done

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Goodguy, I'm right there with you. My gf of 1.5 years broke up with me roughly 5 months ago to be alone. I have a fantastic job, I have my own place, I never lied, never cheated, had always been respectful, was nurturing, loving, attentive, etc. You name it, I did it. Sure, we argued but it was never over anything monumental. Bottom line is we can't force people to feel things they no longer do. I know what you're enduring and I know how gut wrenching it is. I lost my SO, my best friend and the future I was aspiring to have the day she decided to call it quits. But, take a look at yourself. You sound like a great catch and ANY woman would be very fortuante to have you. We can't possibly know what's running around in the heads of our ex's (I'm actually scared to know! lol), but we CAN look out for ourselves and focus our attention elsewhere.

 

When my gf left me I had to clean out a lot of crap in my house. Pictures, stuffed animals, gifts, jewelry, anything and everything that served as a memory from our past. Not having had any contact (havent seen her in 2 months, haven't spoken in over 21 days) has helped me SO much. I no longer battle with the constant anxiety I was experiencing in the beginning and I no longer worry about whether or not we're going to get back together. Sure, the thought crosses my mind and it's not something I've let go of completely. BUT, it's not at the forefront any longer, I AM. SHE left something good for whatever her reasons. NOW, I have an opportunity to show the amazing person I am to someone else. I know you have it in you! Just take one day at a time and I PROMISE you it WILL get better..

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For some girls, it's about more than your job or how you rate yourself compared to the other guy. He just might do it for her more than you do. I know that's not what you want to hear, and I'm sorry for that, but guys in general don't listen when females tell them something. So, listen: He turns her on in some way that you don't. Does that make him better? NO. Just different. You will someday meet a girl who you do it for, also. That one will last the rest of your life.

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i know exactly how you feel. i am attractive, he always said he loved me, i did nothing seriously wrong, and he stops loving me.

 

for your case, you didn't need to do anything wrong, she just had a change of heart. things just happen, a lot of times there is no justification.

 

you are griefing now, you are even in indepression from what you wrote. you have to help yourself out of this.

 

i know you don't feel like moving, but force yourself to move. force yourself to go to the bookstore and get a book on the topic of breaking up. it may not help totally, it will help a tiny tiny bit, i promise. take one day at a time, don't look into the future at this point. also, you need to have full control of your thoughts. don't think about her, especially the good memories . you have to do this with conscious effort.

 

when the hurt gets too great, tell yourself that if two persons are meant to be together, they will be together eventually.

 

i want to say something which i don't know will comfort you a little. breaking up is super hurting, but not hopeless, you are still alive, and healthy. i feel that what is worse is to be told that you have terminal illness, or some serious illness. right now, you still have total control in finding happiness, we have to learn to appreciate things we still have. i am not saying you will snap out of this hurt immediately, but you must have the determination, little by little, day by day. cry if you must, but tell yourself you want to stand on your feet again.

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i want to say something which i don't know will comfort you a little. breaking up is super hurting, but not hopeless, you are still alive, and healthy. i feel that what is worse is to be told that you have terminal illness, or some serious illness. right now, you still have total control in finding happiness, we have to learn to appreciate things we still have. i am not saying you will snap out of this hurt immediately, but you must have the determination, little by little, day by day. cry if you must, but tell yourself you want to stand on your feet again.

 

This is so true. We're all heartbroken, but we're healthy...To me, that's FAR more important than a broken heart..a heart that will heal with time.

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Goodguy81.

 

My name is Ryan, and i'm in a similar position to you.

 

I have been with my Girlfriend for 13 years, we were engaged for the past 2 years.

 

I have always (mainly thanks to the way my mum raised me) treated her like a princess. Like gold.

 

unfortunately, she is suffering from some personal problems and as a result, took her anger out on me and i was forced to kick her out. I never wanted to, but i needed to. It was too hurtfull. That was in February this year.

She appologised and wanted me back. Eventually, i wanted her back too, but i have now realised that she has found somebody else and claims she 'Doesn't love me or see's me in a romantic way anymore'........... her words, not mine.

I don't believe her. As naive and dumb as that sounds, let me tell you that we were talking about how madly in love we were just 2 months ago............ but now?????? I just don't get it.

 

I have been everything for that woman and have given her my heart, my soul, my everything.

 

Aparently, there in lies the problem................

 

Speaking to a Psychatrist, she claims that my ex has put me on a pedlestal for our entire relationship. So much so that she never felt good enough. Now, she is so low on self-confidence that she needs to 'Find Herself' and become an individual.

Doesn't help me much as it still hurts like a knife through my heart. But i do understand.

 

So off she has gone, to become her own women. And it hurts like hell.

 

Let me tell you this........ but be prepared, it ain't gonna be advice and it wont make you feel any better.

I cry, hundreds of times per day. My whole office has seen me burst into tears and run away. I drink, EVERYNIGHT. I cannot stop thinking of her and how much i want her back into my life. How badly i want her hands wrapped around mine. How honoured and privlidged i felt to be 'Her Man' for 13 wonderfull years.

She is the last thing i think about before sleeping and the first thing that enters my mind when i wake. I dream about her everynight, which only makes me hate waking up because realty is so hard to face with a brokenheart.

 

There is an awfull feeling of emptiness in my chest where my heart should be.......... and what makes it worse is this - there is litterally nothing i can do to make it feel any better.

 

They say time meands all wounds.........blah blah blah - I DON'T CARE! I Know this, but time ain't gonna give me my girlfriend back is it?

 

I'll say this loud and proud............... i still love her, MADLY. After 13 years i still look at her with the same Jaw-Dropping loved filled gaze that i had the day i met her. 13 years!!!!! She IS my soulmate. She IS the one for me! I know this, i feel this, and regardless of who she is with, is still BELIEVE this. And i'll never stop either.

 

You say this guy she is now with isn't as good as you? He probably isn't!

 

I've seen the pictures of the guy my ex is now with - and without sounding like i have tickets on myself............ he is nothing compared to me. But that doesn't stop me questioning myself and it has totally killed any self-confidence i had in me.

 

So right now, your reading this and probably expecting me to give you an answer to make the pain go away..............

 

Guess what - ain't happening.

 

The pain your feeling will, sadly, stay with you for a while. Regardless of what people say to you, it will not go away.

 

Your alot like me, and if you are then your probably clinging onto a shread of hope that she may come back to you. That is probably the worst thing you can do..........but even though i know that, it's still not gonna stop me from thinking it.

 

I have annalised my situation and have spoken to a psychatrist about it as i am now in a state of depression (truth be told, i even went as far as to punch myself in the head a few times last week to try and divert the pain).

 

My ex is finding herself. This guy is NOT better than me, he is just different.

The excersise i am currently undertaking is not a fooled-proofed one and it comes with no Guarantee that it will work and I UNDERSTAND FULLY that if it doesn't, it's only gonna cause more heart-ache and pain. But i will take that risk nonetheless..................... here it goes.............

 

I have cut all ties with her. Deleted her number, deleted her as a friend on facebook, no e-mails, no calls, no nothing.

I was flooding her with flowers and sweet guestures in an attempt to get her back, but i know realise that women see that as a sign of insecurity....and they hate that. It's an instant turn off.

 

This new guy, she met whilst on holidays, so obviously he is gonna be happy and excited. She liked that, and now wants to persure it because it's new and interesting.

 

Sooner or later, she is gonna start to compare him to me. I have faith in myself that i was a good, loving and genuine partner to her for 13 years........ i was raised to respect and honour women and that is exactly what i showed her.

 

If she does (compare) she may well feel like she has made a mistake, and i will be waiting. If she likes this guy and is happy with him, then i will have to learn to deal with it. But at least i'll know for sure that she doesn't love me.

 

Mate - i know i have not helped you in anyway, quite simply cause there is no help out there. All i can say is this.............if you are feeling alone, talk to anybody who will listen......... ANYBODY! Even me if you like..........even if it's just to vent.

 

I feel for you mate - i really do.

 

Ryan

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Ryan, u know what, i decided to do exactly the same thing as you before i read your post.

 

i decided to wait. and if my love comes back, i will take him back. ( at first i thought i cannot take him back.) now i feel more at peace after i decided i will continue to love him.

 

yes, i think there is hope for you. she will come back after she realises you are the one she loves. let's all learn to be patient. hang on....

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Thanks for your kind words Pheonix.

But sadly, io cannot let myself believe that she will come back. That's part of the deal. I have to let her go and become an individual. If she comes back, wonderfull - she will (once again) make me the luckiest man in the world. If not, i must learn to accept it (which is also the advantage of the NC rule).

 

If i start to believe that she'll come back, and worst comes to worst & she doesn't, then i have achieved nothing. I am back at square 1.

 

 

Oh. One more thing.................

 

2 weeks ago SHOULD have been our 13 year anniversary. Our anniversary was my favourite day of the year. I'd take the day off work, spend months planning the perfect evening, hand make gifts, send flowers to her work, etc etc etc etc.

 

She was on her holidays on our (should-have-been) anniversary this year, where she met her new guy! YEt she still texted me to let me know that she was thinking of me.

Am i stupid and naivie to take that the wrong way?

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yes , you should ignore it. withdrawal is also a better way of advancing. you should not attend to her every whims and fancy, this will throw her out of balance. let her wonder a bit. anyway, she is not yet ready to come back, she is with someone else. ignore her, she will contact you again, then we'll see how.

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ok..been too busy at work to even think about it..havent had teh urge to call since this morning...its usually easier at night

 

morning..im always itching to call

 

starting to realize what i have to offer someone and that what i was receiving was not worth my time (i hope this realization is long lived and not a "phase")

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As much pain as you're feeling right now, you have to let go. Let go and move on, and in time you will be open to new experiences in your life. There are so many women out there who are much better than your ex and when you're ready and when you least expect, something really good may come your way, sounds corny but believe that, things always happen when you're not looking for them.

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