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Why do I keep thinking about my ex?


ycmanvs

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He treated me poorly. He cheated. We tried everything. I finally gave up.

It's been months. I tried dating other people.

I am depressed.

How can I stop thinking about the relationship.

I was fine at first. I was happy after we broke up. Now I am a mess. Is this a delayed reaction or something. Or is it just the final stage of grief, right before acceptance?

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It will get easier. It's just going to take time. When you have loved someone and have given so much in a relationship, the most painful part is going on in life without the SO.

 

I would suggest taking time out for yourself, doing things w/friends and family, traveling, and etc.

 

Remember, the pain and hurt you are feeling in just temporary!!

 

Good luck.

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It will get easier. It's just going to take time. When you have loved someone and have given so much in a relationship, the most painful part is going on in life without the SO.

 

I would suggest taking time out for yourself, doing things w/friends and family, traveling, and etc.

 

Remember, the pain and hurt you are feeling in just temporary!!

 

Good luck.

 

I have done all those things for almost a year now, and I am not getting better. I am getting worse, much worse. I have not felt this bad in a very long time.

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We've talked about this, only YOU have the answer.

 

Well, apparently, I do not have the answer, since I feel horrible and there is nothing I can do about it. The last time I felt like this, the thing that got me out of it was alcohol and sex, so the fact that I am choosing to abstain from both, is not making things easier.

I am not sure what the solution is.

How do I get new friends at this age?

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Well, apparently, I do not have the answer, since I feel horrible and there is nothing I can do about it. The last time I felt like this, the thing that got me out of it was alcohol and sex, so the fact that I am choosing to abstain from both, is not making things easier.

I am not sure what the solution is.

How do I get new friends at this age?

 

Well, this is an inside job. You are too focused on something outside yourself to "fix" it.

 

You said you wanted to take a dancing class....that's a step in the right direction.

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Well, this is an inside job. You are too focused on something outside yourself to "fix" it.

 

You said you wanted to take a dancing class....that's a step in the right direction.

 

It is, but it costs money, which I do not have. I am in the process of paying off a ton of debt, so I may not have enough for the dance class, but I will try to figure out a way. Also, I am really shy, so getting myself to try new things, while sober, is extremely painful.

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It is, but it costs money, which I do not have. I am in the process of paying off a ton of debt, so I may not have enough for the dance class, but I will try to figure out a way. Also, I am really shy, so getting myself to try new things, while sober, is extremely painful.

 

That's what growth is all about.

 

You can do it.

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I am not sure why no one has any suggestions. I am looking for people who have overcome depression and who have found love after heart break, but I guess all the happy people are too busy being happy, not reading ENA.

I just want to have hope. I think I have lost hope and that is why nothing seems to be worth doing.

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He treated me poorly. He cheated. We tried everything. I finally gave up.

It's been months. I tried dating other people.

I am depressed.

How can I stop thinking about the relationship.

I was fine at first. I was happy after we broke up. Now I am a mess. Is this a delayed reaction or something. Or is it just the final stage of grief, right before acceptance?

 

this is normal. i was hurtin after my ex and i split for a couple months then i got over it and was happy. around 7 months later i started dreaming about her and thinking about her more even though i was lovin life. I finally realized that things had ended worse than i liked and some closure needed to be gained.

 

Maybe you need the same thing. If you think you would be able to handle seeing your ex and knowing that its only for closure and nothing else and if he can be mature about it aswell; try meeting up just to clear things up and gain closure.

 

example: my ex and i ended making each other feel that we were worthless and horrible people to one another. in time i realized that my ex was really a wonderful woman and although we did have bad times she was a great girlfriend. Things just werent meant between us. she concured and now were good friends and i felt great and moved on.

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I tried doing that a couple of months ago, but it did not work, at all.

I doubt that my ex is capable of being a good friend to anyone.

I tend to see the good in most people, so I kept making excuses for him when he treated me poorly. Now that I've had time to step away from the relationship, he was not able to manipulate his way back into my life. However, I feel lonely and desperate and hopeless, and I keep thinking that I will never find anyone else because I will be too afraid of falling in love and being betrayed again.

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so the issue at hand does not seem as if your sad cause you miss the ex, your just feeling alone and afraid?

 

This makes sense too. a year later i still am afraid and indecisive to jump into anything. I recently tried to give something a shot but recently found out i was being played in the process so my trust level is down hill. This is probably your same delemah. what im doing is just more soul searching for myself and trying new things to make me happiest.

 

i just bought a new racing quad and have found a new hobbie i love. try doing something spontanious like that. You will eventually meet really good guys but wont truly give them a chance because your still holding to your past hurt. I have 2 really sweet good girls im dating right now but im stil having issues opening up. Just take your time and know you deserve better. keep busy and try new things.

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I struggled with clinical depression many years ago. I was in therapy and on medication which helped get me through the worst of it but after about a year what really got me out of it was simply just choosing to be happy. You wake up everyday and choose to be happy, feel positive. I think people who dwell on negative things from the past are bored. Dwelling on a breakup is something to do. Even if it's negative and makes you feel bad, it is a form of excitement and drama.

 

I think you are at a point where you just have to suck it up and make a choice to be positive and create a better life for yourself. Exercise and a healthy diet will help, picking up a few new hobbies (art, crafts, sports, travel, cooking, etc) are also good. Put yourself out there and make new friends, connect with more people. Truly, it is as simple as just choosing to be happy. It takes a lot of discipline, focus and perseverance but it works.

 

A lot of sources are out there that reinforce this point. I absolutely love the book The Art of Happiness. I have read it several times over and I often reread passages before I go to bed or when I feel anxious. And although it's a bit hokey, I find watching the movie The Secret to be really inspiring. You can watch it for $5.00 online at the website, just google it.

 

Honestly, it's really just a matter of wanting it and making it happen, change how you think, choose happiness. You're not a victim, you're not helpless. You are more than capable of being happy and living a fabulous life, you just have to choose it.

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OMG, does anyone have any words of hope and examples, like how when they least expected it, something happened that took them by surprise.

I can choose to be happy is not the same as choosing to be happy, but not feeling it.

I choose to be happy every day, but I do not feel it.

I am as happy as possible given the fact that both my grandparents died this year(they raised me so they were like parents to me)...I just had surgery a couple of weeks ago...and I chose to break up with my ex....

Given all that, I am probably going to some grieving period, but because I am not an emotional person, it is manifesting as depression and loss of interest.

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you just need more time to heal yourself and your mental wellbeing. I aint gonna sit here and encourage you with fake stories. im gonnna tell you how i related with my situation. cheer up. your starting to sound like "confused dater". lol

 

Oh noooooooooo, not that.....anything but that....thanks for making me laugh.

I think I am also freaking out because I am turning 40 next year, so that seems like it is a milestone and that I need to be married with kids by then, or else.

I need a plan of action.

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you sound like you never grieved the relationship loss when it happened. it's hard, but to really get it out of your system, you have to grieve. maybe it was a little delayed and maybe now it is a little overwhelming... but it came, so you're obviously getting on the right track and getting in touch with your feelings and yourself.

 

i know (and often feel) the sound of the life clock ticking away in the background. i took a non-traditional route to where i am now, and believe me, there are periods of time when i feel like i let myself get lapped by everyone. but i'm figuring it out now, and there is no exact right time to have done anything. i tell myself 100 times a day about the reminders that i see of how i'm moving forward, so that i can stop feeling so bad about the past. you sound like you are figuring it out, too, with paying down your debt and really figuring out what you want. i'm sorry that so much in your life seems to be going wrong, but really, it probably would have happened if you had stayed with you ex.... you just might have had less support and less incentive to keep on your forward track. you're getting there, you really are. you're identifying all of the important things you need to do to make yourself happy and you've realized that your ex isn't capable of being a very good friend to anyone. you've started healing without giving yourself the credit for doing so!

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I think this makes a lot of sense. After I broke up with my ex, I was numb for a few months. My grandfather died a month later. I was sad so I called my ex. Then we tried to get back together, but it did not work because he continued to lie and cheat on me, and I continued to snoop and not trust him...so it was doomed to fail.

Then my grandmother died a couple of months later. I called him again but not to get back together, just to tell him about it because he had met my grandparents when we were in Europe.

Now, I am grieving for everything all at once. It just hit me.

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There were some good parts of the relationship and I miss those parts. I think the bad parts eventually outweighed the good parts, so the breakup was necessary, but that does not make it hurt any less. It is sad that I cannot talk to him because there is still too much emotion there. I may never be able to talk to him again.

I've noticed that most of my friends were not very true friends. They loved to party with me, but when I started to feel down...they were not there for me. I do have a couple of good friends that are there for me, so all is not lost.

I am much closer to my family than ever, so that is a plus, even though they live far away. There are good things in my life. I just do not feel well enough to enjoy them.

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Stop Breakup Regrets - Now!
Stop Breakup Regrets - Now!

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