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Writing this instead of contacting my ex (long post...I'm a talker. haha)


Strung_Out00
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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I know we only dated for 4 months and I shouldn't be this attached. It was a rocky ride at times, but yet I still fell for you. You spent over 100 dollars on my birthday, even though I said you didn't have to get me anything since we had only been together for a month and yet you still did. You are the prettiest girl I have ever been with. You made me laugh...constantly. I loved the way you held my hands. I loved the cuddle noises you made. I loved floating around in the pool with you. I loved introducing you everyone I knew. You were a diamond to me. I loved our city trips, cooking for you and the concerts.

 

For the first time in my life, I could go out with the boys and be proud to tell girls I was taken. I used to pretend I was single and flirt it up. Not only were you gorgeous, I loved the person you were. I could also have just as much fun out at the bars with you, for the first time. I used to hate taking my girlfriends out. It killed the fun of flirting with women. I loved all the goofy sh*t you would laugh at. I loved hearing you laugh, period. That was my favorite part about you. The sex was like no other thing I had ever experienced. I spent more time with you than any other woman before you. You totally broke it off with me two weeks ago and mentioned that some other guy asked you out and now you've been with him, spent alot of time at his house, slept with him and are doing all the things you did with me over the summer.

 

You told me that you've never been so lovestruck. You've never felt this way about anyone. Wow, that changed awfully fast, didn't it?

 

Why is it that every time I go no-contact, you keep contacting me? You want me as a friend, but not as your partner. There's a part of me that hopes you really miss what we had and that you'll come back, but I can't survive on hope, otherwise I'll never heal. Why do you keep texting? Why did you IM me tonight? Why did you look at my Myspace profile 5 times in one day? Are you keeping tabs on me? Are you making sure that I'm not with anyone else? Would it kill you inside if my status on Myspace said "Spending time with _____"?

 

I've heard so many negative things said about you, but I don't care. It actually makes me mad when people badmouth you. I like the girl that I met in April. Who you were before that doesn't matter. I wish I could crawl inside your head and see what you're thinking. Do you lay on the couch at night wondering what I'm doing? What girls I am talking to? If I have had sex with someone else? Does the imagery of the act make you sick inside? I hope it does, even though I have no plans to make someone my rebound like you did to me after breaking up with your ex of three years. They say the best way to get over someone is to get on top of someone else, but the sex would pale in comparison. This whole thing is mentally exhausting. I'm lonely. I'm used to texting you all day long. Now on my days off, I find myself utterly alone. I'm trying to live for myself and have started lifting weights again. I've connected with my guys again. I've been looking out for number one, but still late at night, there's this hole in my heart that you once filled.

 

Why is there part of you that won't let me go?

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