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male friend constantly texting other people in my presence


k8s

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Recently I became upset with my male friend because it was bothering me that he was always texting other friends when he was hanging out with me. Not once or twice excessive amounts. We are friends but have sex every now and then - met online (he has just moved here from overseas) as friends and would see where it went. I have realized after hanging out quite a few times I have no romantic interest and I don't think he has either but the friendship is great and it is nice to explore that other side now and then but i could take it or leave it I think him also. We talk long and hard about lots of life stuff and the friendship is great with a lot in common and some sort of attraction just not romantic. It is sort of unsaid but known that I am probably not the only woman/girl here with that friendship but he also has a lot of platonic friends non sexual- and one in particular has the likelyhood of going somewhere who has more interest from him in a romantic sense I have noticed than most others (from myspace, facebook zillions of texts and calls a day).

 

What triggreed my discomfort was that I noticed he has started to take his phone to the bathroom as soon as he gets out of bed. It makes me feel uncomfortable as it feels like he as much as he wants to be there is just as excited or looking for for communication from his many friends and almost feels like he would be just as happy being somwhere else at that point in time. He texts also a lot when we are doing stuff (like as soon as I walk off to use the bathroom get a drink I see the phone come out on auto pilot) and once he was using my computer and was having multiple conversations with other people (women as he has few male friends online) - the more romantic woman in particular when he was in my home which I felt was a little inappropriate - she even was sending him "kiss" faces which I couldnt not notice as we were looking at something online at the time and the screen popped up, while I was also I was cooking dinner. (he said he can't control what other people send him true but heh it still happened)

 

I know he has a LOT of friends (mostly female) and used to use IM a lot and now text messages are a substitute for instant messaging - heh it's how we met and would talk every day. I realize it is not personal and almost habit after having a sidekick and IM'ing a lot but I sort of feel now he has moved here he should be spending time in the company of whichever friend he has chosen to see and not need to talk or chat to someone he could have or has probably already had a conversation with that day etc when we are hanging out, sexually or not. I know there is a little jealousy in some weird sort of way I can't lie that he has preference to one person even though I do not see us going anywhere romantically, but if he wants to also be sexual or more than "just normal friends" it in my mind I should be treated with as much hmm how to put it consistency as other women. I cannot work out why it bothers me so much and why i am trying to be aware who he is texting etc if I don't feel romantic maybe I feel second best or something. he is the sort of guy who believes in dating a lot of people before committing to someone so hence why he has women like this in his life and acts this way-also he has just moved here and wants to explore what is out there are such and meet all these people he has talked to for so long.

 

Was I being unreasonable saying that I did not feel the behaviour was okay and that morally I found it a little but disrespectful or do you think it is more my issue of jealousy and if we are just friends I should not care? Also I realize when he was always contacting me it was fine if he was out and about with people when he came here - it just feels different when you are on the other end. i have said we should stop being intimate/sexual based on the fact it bothered me but I am also scared I have tainted the friendship that was going so well with this issue as I care about that a lot?

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Well, if this were a female friend or a guy friend that you were never involved with and felt no jealousy toward, I'd say it's a simple case of him being inconsiderate. However, that's not it. I do think it's mainly jealousy.

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i dont think it's jealousy.. it think it's just being disrespectful and inconsiderate. If you over someone's house, you want that person to pay attention to YOU, not be on the phone to a zillion people or texting like there's no tomorrow. I don't think your feelings are unfounded. haave you talked to him about it?

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yes i said something when i was aksed if it bothered me by an obvious uncomfortable look on my face so rather than lie i said "sort of". When i tried to explain why, it turned into a huge fight as everything was taken as a bit of a personal attack on his character rather than the isolated incidents. Sort of finding it hard to get past to be honest - I guess in my book it's not ok for a guy to make me feel second best in my company, physical or not but especially with that there - there's no actual 'friends only" rule just go with the flow vibe, and things were hot and heavy at first just died down slowly to a really nice friendship on bith parts still with a little whatever. Just don't understand whay guy would think a female would think that's ok and not be disturbed about it to a degree, or how someone who is so nice would even do that in the first place I guess. Maybe if you are really into someone you don't realize all your attention is on thier contact or something I dunno - guess I just deserve better and so want to be treated in the way I deserve as much as I like the comapny I can't back down on my morals.

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I dont know... I sometimes get upset if my friends have their ipods in their ears while I'm hanging out with them. I find it disrespectful and almost like they want their music more than to hang out with me. I think I know where you're going with this because I feel the same way towards some of my friends who do the same. They're all same sex too, so I don't think it has to do with anything that you're feeling somewhat more than friends with him but not romantic.

 

I think the only purpose of text is to message people quietly so you know information about where to go, not to really have a long conversation with. You do that at home when you're not with a bunch of friends because then you just seem kinda like a loner.

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He Calls Me Instead Of Texting
He Calls Me Instead Of Texting

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