Jump to content

chrismo
She's Not Texting Me Like She U...
She's Not Texting Me Like She Used To

Recommended Posts

Me and my girlfriend broke up 2 weeks ago, on friday after being together for a year, because of the reason that she had insecure thoughts about not being sure if she wanted to be with me. At first i didn't get that she would be having those thoughts, but after a while we decided to break up together, and hope on getting back together in a few months ( hopefully! ) We made some agreements on not being intimate with other people, but the question i have after we broke up is, how do i act? She asked me to keep in touch because she didn't want to be alone etc, she wanted to IM/Text message with me. So i was like, ok. But i don't know if that would help, because how does someone stop being insecure about being with someone, we bóth ( yes both ) hope on getting back together again ( In the past, my girlfriend wasn't being sweet, and she wasn't like she wanted to be, she didn't call me things like sweety or whatever, just the sweet stuff ) The thing she said was, that when we get back together, she would be secure of her decision, and that she wóuld be sweet and wouldn't have these problems again. But how do i act, is there hope on getting back together, and are there any tips to deal with this?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

After breaking up with a girl and doing most things you shouldnt do the first thing I can tell you is give her space. Don't constantly call her, text her, email, chat or whatever else there is for communication....don';t even used messanger pigeons.

 

If she feels insecure in the relationship then it may be best to step back and take a breather. So you made agreements on not being intimate with other people but that doesn;t mean she won;t be going on dates with other guys....thats something you have to be ready for. I know hearing it makes your heart sink but thats the truth. Theres a lot of things people say to me that make me step back and the reason being is because its the truth. Just take things slow and give her space.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No offense man, but you're gonna lose her in your current state. There's nothing wrong with wanting to do everything to be with someone, but when that person holds all the cards (theirs and yours), you've got serious problems. Take some cards back.

 

First of all, SHE has the insecurity and needs space to think about things or whatever, so why should YOU hold off on being intimate with someone else? That's fine if you don't WANT to be intimate with someone new but you shouldn't have to promise that you won't be.

 

Second, why is it your responsibilty to keep her from being lonely while she needs to figure out what she wants/needs? To me it sounds like she needs to see if there is any other guy out there that fills her needs better then you do. You're making yourself into a contingency plan.

 

Third, nothing is garunteed. If she does come back she can just as easily leave again or pull the same "I'm not sure if I'm happy gimmie space" crap.

 

Show her you've at least got some of your manhood left and say if she wants to find out what she needs/wants, forget the celibacy crap (on both sides). Tell her that she needs to contact you if/when she's ready. Finally, tell her that if she is ready to be back then she really better be ready because this is the first and the only time you would consider her lack of confidence in the relationship as "acceptable".

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah i know about the intimacy part, not ready for that just yet, and i'm kind of telling myself that i want to 'wait' for her. The texting and the IM thing, that's about well, to like keep in touch, because after like 2 months, as far as i know you won't be as close as you were before ( Not like we're anywhere néar close now, sigh ) The thing is, she never said she wanted spáce, she said she didn't wánt space, or else she wouldn't have asked me to keep in touch, right? And trust me, if she'd pull the same crap like this again, i'm out of there. But still, there's the hope of getting back together, but looking at things are now, we're constantly ( she is too, not just me ) texting each other, which i'm trying to reduce alot by the way, and we're bickering about what the other 'might' do when going out etc. For example the things that she might do when she's going out, be with other guys and stuff, just after twó weeks. What's that called, jealousy?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She wants space away from you, but that doesn't mean that she wants to stop hearing from you. Women like to be pined/whined over. She's looking for attention the way I see it. She wants your clingage. It gives her confidence to find someone new, knowing that you'll be there as plan b. YOU gotta let HER go. Have some balls, it might pay off. You've got to deal with the risk that you may lose her, but if you don't take control and show that you're the man, and you have confidence, and you will move on and find someone, if you don't show her this stuff, you might as well just let her go anyway, because women aren't attracted to a guy who will wait around for her. If you love something let it go. If it comes back to you it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was. I forget who said that....think it was in the bible or something.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Let hér go? Kinda hard when i'm not the one having insecurity issues haha, the thing is i don't want to already move on and find someone else. We planned on not dating anyone till she knew what she wanted, so she won't do anything till then. That's what she 'said', if she does, well, that's enough hint for me, if that would happen i would've been screwed over for a couple of months, and she wouldn't ever hear from me again. Troublesome part is now, what to do? How should i act against her? Her birthday's coming up, and christmas and all of those 'relationship' thinggies. When you've got some time you think too much, so i kinda had ideas about christmas and new year that sort of thing, like álready thinking that i would wanna be next to her with new year. Well i don't know what to do anymore, that's for sure.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You're exactly right. When you've got too much time and you're thinking too much. You're emotions are taking over right now and that's the cause of much of your thought process. You don't need emotion right now, her decision has been made, you NEED logic.

 

Right now you're brain is being very optimistic, but if she was so willing to be with you, why isn't she with you? Something isn't right in the relationship for her to be having these thoughts. No relationship is perfect, and she may be having "the grass is greener syndrome". She may find out she wants to be with you AFTER she's already been with someone else, she may not, but my advice is do NOT contact her and stop being optimistic about this, you're potentially only setting yourself up for a fall.

 

If you have to tell her anything, tell her that you too have to decide if she's the right girl for you as well and to do that you should date someone new, no limits. After all, if she has doubts why shouldn't you be having doubts?

 

THE WAY TO FIX THIS ISSUE IS EASY AND HARD. The concept is easy, the actual doing it is the tough part. You're brain for whatever reason does not want to your X go. In the grief process, it is called denial, and it is a very ugly part of grief. Ignorance is bliss, and by being in denial, you're making yourself ignorant at the moment so you can deal with this. Your best chance of keeping this girl is to let her go. If you can get past the denial, you're doing well. Click the link in my sig, it helped me to let go, and if you truly let them go, then you can decide if she's right for you if/when she comes back because you'll have a clear mind. Not an ignorant mind.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The issue i had today was, i was sending her text messages, and she wasn't replying back áll day. Suddenly i received óne text message saying, 'i wasn't in the mood for texting'. I have the feeling i'm being screwed with, and i kinda feel betrayed, because i'm planning on not sending her anything from this point on, but the weird part is, she'll be mad at ME while she didn't send ME ANYTHING. But it's alot easier said than done, and about the advice of seeing other people while i'm still crazy about her is really hard to do, and not anything i'm planning on doing because you can't ignore feelings amirite? Thanks for the advices given so far by the way!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This morning i received a text message ( after i said to her that i found it very mean that she wasn't in the 'mood' to text me anything back ). In the text message she said 'i think we should stop talking to each other because this isn't helping'.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Receid anóther text message with saying that she's getting crazy about all the 'problems' we're still having after the break up, and that she wanted to be friends ( this is a new one for me too ) and i only wanted to hook up with her. The last sentence said that we shouldn't do bóth of those things, not be friends nor be together, well..that kinda ruined my morning

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not getting any reply's back in here, wonder why! Anyway, update on how it's going at the moment: Ex-girlfriend is trying to be noticed by other people, and is even being hateful towards me, like, what the hell happened? Ten months of being together and now this? As far as i know i've never been such of a jerk towards her, i told her how i felt about the 'get noticed' thing she's doing now, and she told me to mind my own business, and blocked me on msn. ( I was talking to her on that ). I still really like her alot, and..seemingly crazy about her because i can't get the thought of her out of my head, but if she's acting like this, blocking me on msn, not text messaging me anymore, or whatever, then what should I do?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...