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This is getting to me. Advice please!


MountainGuy3

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Ok, so I'm having a bit of a problem.

 

When I first became involved with somebody sexually, I was pretty young, inexperienced, blah blah, but had a good time. I never went further than oral. However, I was never able to reach orgasm. I would get close, swear it was going to happen, but nothing would ever come of it. (no pun intended)

 

Now, in the relationship I'm currently in, we are having sex, and I am having this problem again. I find her incredibly attractive, feel relaxed, and love every minute of the experience, but can't seem to get off. I have no problems doing this on my own, but whenever I am with somebody, I seem to not be able to pull it off.

 

Any advice? I feel relaxed and comfortable, but if anybody has any psychological tricks or thoughts that might help, please let me know.

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This is called "anorgasmia" aka "delayed ejaculation".

 

My ex-bf had the same problem at first, but he said it had only happened with me & nobody else. He would be at the verge of orgasm, but his sperm would delay departure lol

 

I told him to close his eyes & picture himself ejaculating (wherever he happened to be ejaculating), & it helped him.

 

Usually it is just a psychological issue, rather than physical. Maybe you've just always anticipated orgasm so much, that you only work towards that & nothing else. Try enjoying sex more, rather than having sex while anticipating the big O.

 

If these psychological tricks don't work, then you should see a urologist.

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OP,

Lot's of guys have this prob....in amateur porn it shows up a lot, as the man has to work it manually, to get to blastoff. Or have her use a comination of hands, mouth, slobbering noises and moaning, and staring up at you. Then you get most of the senses working on your side. Down there, hearing and visual.

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I read about it a lot. Hormonal imbalance is the only thing that has ever made it tough for me to finish. That and good old ephedrine.

 

In your case, I like the idea of giving it time and just enjoying sex. Do what you need to do to finish either with her or on your own. I like KG's multi-sensory approach. Kitchen sink is one of my favorite tactics.

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Hey all,

 

Thanks for all of your responses.

 

I'll definitely give the visualization method a try when I next have the opportunity, and focus less on the "destination" than the "journey."

 

How do you recommend that I discuss this with my partner. I am not one to fake orgasms, and don't believe this would be a prudent thing to do. So, undoubtedly, it will come up. I don't want her to feel that she is bad at what she does... When in fact she is honestly the best I've ever experienced - I mean, DAMN... She knows what she's doing down there.

 

Back on track though, I'm thinking that I'll just be honest and let her know that for some reason, it just doesn't always happen, and that it's probably something to do with my subconscious as opposed to anything she isn't doing correctly. I hope she doesn't think I'm just trying to soothe her mind, and end up changing what she is doing.

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Just tell her exactly what you're telling us. Say something like "I swear what you do feels amazinggggg, you have no ideaa...but I've just always had this problem. If it bothers you or if you don't believe me, I'm willing to go to a doctor and check it out."

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Maybe you should try NOT holding back in an attempt to ensure her pleasure.

 

Sometimes you should just be selfish. Not saying you should not be a generous man in bed. But you can get so good at controlling your own finish that it backfires and inhibits that from occurring.

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so good at controlling your own finish that it backfires and inhibits that from occurring.

 

Lol - wouldn't that be funny... Good lover's pride getting in the way.

 

It seems very possible though, since that is what I generally focus on while doing the deed. Thanks for the tip!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Update - seem to be getting closer, but still no cigar. Hoping to figure this out.

 

Using the visualization and relaxation ideas got me a bit distracted, which was interesting because it definitely got me closer to coming. Then my mind kind of got excited, like "oh man, it's actually going to happen!" ... And nothing. Anybody know of other tips that generally speed up the process for you?

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