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Dating 101: Why Guys Dump Girls They Dig


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Ok, so for all you women out there who've been through a break-up that left you wondering "What the hell just happened?!", this is for you...

I recently went through a similar experience myself, & I came accross this article today on Yahoo & of course, thought "this would be perfect for ENA!" I hope you guys enoy it as much as I did!

 

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When you break up with someone, it's not necessarily because you "aren't into them". I've known a lot of men who've claimed they found "the right person at the wrong time". Sometimes it's more complex than that.

 

if you found the right person, you'd MAKE it the right time. Just because you have a lot going on doesn't mean you let a good thing go, if you really want it.

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I've known a lot of men who've claimed they found "the right person at the wrong time".

 

So why don't they go back and reconcile with the 'right' person....when the 'right' time comes along??

 

Why pursue other women and get engaged/marry another woman....if this other woman was the 'right' one for them?

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Ditto....

 

You don't 'jilt' someone you dig....

 

This is true if you're rationally in touch with your feelings. A lot of people.. guys.. have so many undealt with emotions going on in their head, its easier to jilt than to deal with those..

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So why don't they go back and reconcile with the 'right' person....when the 'right' time comes along??

 

Why pursue other women and get engaged/marry another woman....if this other woman was the 'right' one for them?

 

Well, just like all of you, I wish I can get into men's heads & try to figure out "why" lol, but I can't. It was just an informative article that I thought I'd share.

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So why don't they go back and reconcile with the 'right' person....when the 'right' time comes along??

 

Why pursue other women and get engaged/marry another woman....if this other woman was the 'right' one for them?

 

Because it was a crap answer the first time! LOL!! Time didn't make it any less crappy!

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Quoted for truth. We're human, not some sort of mystery to be solved. There are those of us that have rational minds.

 

Yes, exactly. Sometimes it's easier to choose to see the black or white of a situation, but I personally believe there's a HUGE grey area we sometimes prefer not to look at, because we're afraid what we might see, or because it's too complicated to understand.

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if you found the right person, you'd MAKE it the right time. Just because you have a lot going on doesn't mean you let a good thing go, if you really want it.

 

Once again, you're thinking rationally. A lot of guys aren't.

 

I have this theory that an emotionally unstable guy (basically most guys in their 20's) are so afraid of failure that they would rather be with someone who is NOT right for them. If you get dumped by a girl you don't really care about - oh well, you didn't care that much either. When you get dumped by the girl of your dreams - like the article said, guys don't know how to deal with their emotions and they know this and they want to avoid this.

 

I forgot and didn't understand until recently, but when we were in the early breaking up stage my ex told me that the possibility of losing me in the future and having me hurt him or us not being able to be together is too much for him to deal with, so he would rather break up with me now and save himself that possible heartache down the line. This was when he was still honest before he started giving me BS reasons, so I'm inclined to believe this part.. I just wish I saved the email to show everyone the wording.

 

It made absolutely no sense to me at the time, but now that I think about how guys have a lack of emotional support, they are always told to get over it, they are expected to provide for their families, if they are younger they are expected to be players instead of being lovey-dovey with one girl and when you add that most of them have no idea whats going on with their feelings - it makes completely sense now. I was angry before.. now, I just feel sorry for him. Instead of wanting to slap him... I just want to give him a hug.

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LOL thank you for sharing. I've been through a very similar experience. I guess it all depends on how optimistic/pessimistic you are. I always choose to see the brighter side of the situation, whether it's because it helps ME deal with the situation better, or because I don't hate the other person as much--whatever the reason is, I find it's easier for me to accept reality when I look at it from different perspectives rather than just one.

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LOL thank you for sharing. I've been through a very similar experience. I guess it all depends on how optimistic/pessimistic you are. I always choose to see the brighter side of the situation, whether it's because it helps ME deal with the situation better, or because I don't hate the other person as much--whatever the reason is, I find it's easier for me to accept reality when I look at it from different perspectives rather than just one.

 

I guess. I will always think it's a ridiculous answer, regardless. And even if he's sincere witht hat reason, if a guy's THAT messed up in the head, I don't wanna bother with him anyway.

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I think that some men can later come to regret, their decisions to end things with a certain woman....and by that time, they have gone on to marry another woman.

 

I think this was the case with my ex from a few year back....

 

I reckon she was a rebound actually.....but she managed to get pregnant in a few short months and he did the decent thing and married her.

He came back looking for me after ten years.....I think he has some huge regrets.

But oh well...he made his bed long ago.

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LOL thank you for sharing. I've been through a very similar experience. I guess it all depends on how optimistic/pessimistic you are. I always choose to see the brighter side of the situation, whether it's because it helps ME deal with the situation better, or because I don't hate the other person as much--whatever the reason is, I find it's easier for me to accept reality when I look at it from different perspectives rather than just one.

 

Yea, all I have to say is that it sucks and is completely inexcusable. But I consider my ex right now to be mentally unstable (even though he looks completely normal to everyone else but I'm actually really shocked why his "friends" don't say anything to him") and if mentally unstable people can get off crimes than I have to let him get off for this - even thought I really don't want to!

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I think that some men can later come to regret, their decisions to end things with a certain woman....and by that time, they have gone on to marry another woman.

But oh well...he made his bed long ago.

 

Yep....I still pine after something I didn't follow through with almost 20 years ago.

 

Too late now.

 

So be it.

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I think that some men can later come to regret, their decisions to end things with a certain woman....and by that time, they have gone on to marry another woman.

 

I think this was the case with my ex from a few year back....

 

I reckon she was a rebound actually.....but she managed to get pregnant in a few short months and he did the decent thing and married her.

He came back looking for me after ten years.....I think he has some huge regrets.

But oh well...he made his bed long ago.

 

I think this is exactly why most of the reconcilliations we hear about here happen after many many months or years instead of weeks.

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I think this is exactly why most of the reconcilliations we hear about here happen after many many months or years instead of weeks.

 

I just think to myself 'Why, oh why, didn't he see that I was the 'right' one for him back then'?

Why did it take ten years to come back? Why not sooner?

 

But then he may have returned sooner, had he known where I was. I moved years ago and he had no clue where I was..

 

Time he decides to show up, he's married and I'm married

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The article..sounds like my ex totally...what you have stated is something i have always felt inside..

 

We were a case of bad timing....a tough lesson to learn...because your love can blind you for that fact..

 

Just shows that you should always trust your gut feelings...and be prepared to move on it and move on if need be..

 

- New lesson, take things slowly enough in the relationship to figure out if some is having me in his life to fill up space or if they are truly into me..

 

- 2nd lesson: find out what your true, real and personal needs are,..when they are not willing or hesitant to meet those little things that add to your happiness in the relationship..it's time to cut the cord yourself.. When you are really into someone..you would give them the world if you could..

 

Not to be mistaken for NEEDING them to do it...but when they do that effortlessly..you just know. But guys are not mind readers,at one point just tell them what you think is important to you...and watch if they feel you are * high maintenance for appreciation a sweet text now and again*

 

- No matter if you were a dumper or dumpee once...we are basically all the same in those aspects ( unless you have deep emotional issues..but that always shows in some way or form)

 

And dont let the first 3 months of a new rels confuse you.. Appreciate everything that is being said and done..but don't take it too seriously yet.

 

and last: be prepared to stand up for what it is you desire from a rels..and if you and your partner cant grow into meeting each others 'reasonable' needs..then be ready to end it. Because in the end not meeting those litte needs..will lead to resentment in some way or form. We are not perfect, communication is very important, but be honest too.

 

Looking back..the need for me to be in a rels at all..because i was afraid of being alone, made me the one down..so to speak. I choose an impaired rels, knowing in my gut that something was off, but still could not decide to leave..

 

If i would have made the decision back then when i felt like ' hey what's going on here, i am worth more than this or why is it so difficult to give me that little thing' ..i would have been a little sad, and hurt or more dissappointed that it did not work out..but i would not be where i am now.. because then i would have made a choice for myself out of seeing and believing my selfworth..instead of giving my last toe to a man that had already decided somewhere that you were not the one..but good enough until a better option would pop up. That experience has been/is so devastating that i will never go there again.

 

I was the one he showed a fear of commitment to..but he is not afraid at all to commit..i came in a time where he had not realized yet he actually was still in his 'grass is greener ' syndrome..Maybe even surprised him. But he will settle soon..once he feels that he is ready to do ' the work'. And that might well be with the next one..seeing i prepared him a little..and showed him what it means to do ' the work'.

 

Not all guys are players..sometimes people just find out along the way..that they are not done yet..and being confronted with someone who is, can press that issue faster. But once you make that decision to go for someone...you just go for it.

 

And in most cases the ex that was left behind..is like damaged goods...too many bad memories can hurt the desire to get back. It then is always a lot better to start with a clean and fresh slate...new beginnings, new chances..no baggage.

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