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Can't stop being a nice guy... I don't think that's a good thing.


BigDamnHero

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So, here's the abridged version of the whole story.

 

I live with this girl. We've known eachother for almost a year now. A few months back I really started falling for her. For a while we had a sort of pseudo relationship, sort of, not really, but it was the closest thing to an actual relationship I've had. There wasn't anything physical happening, she had just gotten out of a relationship with a guy and didn't want me to be a rebound, so I waited patiently for her to sort out her feelings. Sadly, she sorted me into the "just friends" column. It hurt like hell at first, and some days it still hurts a lot. Mostly because I spend every day with her, and every day I get reminded exactly why I fell for her in the first place.

 

I've ranted about the above before, more than once, on more than one forum. All the advice is the same, I need to distance myself from her because this is eating me up and making me miserable. I can understand what they're saying, it's true.

 

My problem, that I've noticed, is I just plain CAN'T stop being nice to her. I can't seem to just get over my feelings for her. I care about her, a lot. A week back she had a horrible event where she could barely breathe. Who was there to take her to the hospital? Me. When she was stranded and needed a ride home, who did she call? Me. She needed to drive around the city to buy some things, who did the driving? Me. She needs anything fixed, I get my toolbox. She finds a spider in the apartment, I'm the one that kills it.

 

I don't know why, but I can't help it.

 

I tried keeping her at arms length, making sure to not get too close, but if I even remotely start to not talk to her for a length of time she starts doing all the little things that I love about her. It's hard to even have a bad day anymore.

 

I tried dating. I went out with a girl, which is a fantastic feat on it's own for me. But, the entire time I kept thinking about my roommate. It wasn't fair for the girl I was with.

 

The other day she was on the phone with her father, and she was talking about me and all the things I've been doing for her lately. He apparently said something about me being her hero. She repeated it out loud to me. Of course I'm her hero. I can't NOT be anymore. I just thought that the hero was supposed to get the girl in the end... not be just friends with her, always being there after she'd had a bad date with someone else.

 

It makes me feel even worse sometimes, because I'll get these dark thoughts, which aren't characteristic of myself, where I'll feel selfish and almost angry at her for not doing anything for me. But, I shouldn't feel that way. I don't do things for others just so they repay me. I do them because I like helping others and seeing them happy. So, it makes me ill when I get upset at how things are.

 

So, all in all I'm just sort of feeling stuck. I can't make her want to be more than just friends. At the same time, I can't seem to pull myself away from her.

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first off, i think that's great that you drove her to the hospital and fix things for her when she needs it. you sound like a great guy, and will make some girl extremely happy. i don't think this living situation is healthy for you though. i think you need to make arrangements to move out and find somewhere else to live. that will help you significantly in moving on and getting distance. good luck

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You wont change how nice you are to a person, but the reason people say distance yourself is so she will gradually phase out from the person you think about all the time.

 

I fell for a girl alot like this, except I didn't live with her. We always hung out and I thought she was cool as hell. I was instantly hooked. It was eating me alive and I eventually asked her out. Obviously she rejected me and after that I stopped talking to her for awhile. I did that because even though I was rejected I still couldn't stop thinking about her. Over time the thoughts subsided and while I do still think about her every once in awhile, its not as detrimental as it used to be.

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Well, I told her how I felt a while back, but at the time she didn't know how she felt about me. My feelings haven't changed, but I dunno... we don't act the same around eachother as we did then.. mostly because for a while she kept being uncomfortable when I'd do the same things I would do a week prior... like, I'd make a joke, or flirt a little. She used to joke and flirt back, but then she just stopped.

 

See, part of me wishes I could just move out, but we still have 8 months left on the lease... so I really can't at the moment. Plus, I can't afford to live on my own, I don't make enough for that.

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