Jump to content

Is a casual sex relationship a bad idea?


Haven

Recommended Posts

I've never done anything like this, but in the past few days, I've hooked up with an acquaintance several times. Neither of us want to actually date... He recently got out of a three-year relationship, and I have no emotional investment/attachment to him at all (I just like the physical stuff).

 

However, I do feel like this is a bad idea, but I'm not sure why. Does anyone who's done this kind of thing have any advice?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've never done anything like this, but in the past few days, I've hooked up with an acquaintance several times. Neither of us want to actually date... He recently got out of a three-year relationship, and I have no emotional investment/attachment to him at all (I just like the physical stuff).

 

However, I do feel like this is a bad idea, but I'm not sure why. Does anyone who's done this kind of thing have any advice?

 

Go with your gut... if you feel like it's a bad idea, it probably is.

In my experience it can start casual but usually with time one or the other gets feelings... and the other one stays the same.

 

As long as your 100% sure and communicate 100% and are in agreement you have nothing to worry about. but if there is a lot of grey area... and you are ok with casual now but EVENTUALLY you want more, than you need to quit while you are ahead.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've also recently given it my first whirl and i'm not convinced to be honest. I'm still seriously messed up after a break up and neither of us want anything serious. He's a mate of mine which could complicate things down the line i guess which is a bad move.

 

But so far, ive realised its pretty easy to ignore the things that happen. We've never actually mentioned the fact that we've had sex and when we meet up as part of a group of friends its all fine. A few of them know, but no-one cares!

 

However, that makes me feel really hollow inside. That it can happen and just be ignored, its really disheartening to reduce sex to that, i think. I never have before and wish i hadnt.

 

I did it out of desperate need, i feel lonely as i miss my ex so much, its been almost a year without sex, i thought it might fulfill the physical need and maybe lessen the hurt at losing my ex if i didnt year physically so much.....shouldnt have taken a genius to realise i miss the intimacy, the tenderness that we had because of love, not just the sex.

 

The sex with my friend was also rubbish, i wanted him to be someone else, i wanted the connection that comes from long term relationships, i was kidding myself that i just wanted a decent shag!

 

And yet, I still find myself thinking about doing it again when theres no way i would start a relationship at the moment when i'm so mentally messed up..weird the strength of the sexual drive sometimes isnt it!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Go with your gut... if you feel like it's a bad idea, it probably is.

In my experience it can start casual but usually with time one or the other gets feelings... and the other one stays the same.

 

As long as your 100% sure and communicate 100% and are in agreement you have nothing to worry about. but if there is a lot of grey area... and you are ok with casual now but EVENTUALLY you want more, than you need to quit while you are ahead.

 

I will not want more. I'm not strongly attracted to him.. I really doubt that I will be. I guess if I start to, I'll reevaluate?

 

However, that makes me feel really hollow inside. That it can happen and just be ignored, its really disheartening to reduce sex to that, i think. I never have before and wish i hadnt.

 

And yet, I still find myself thinking about doing it again when theres no way i would start a relationship at the moment when i'm so mentally messed up..weird the strength of the sexual drive sometimes isnt it!

 

I agree... I don't get anything emotional out of it. I'm not that lonely... I'm just tired of searching for a guy that I can have a real connection with. I actually am glad that we're both ignoring that we do this... I don't know why I'm like this, I have never done this kind of thing before. I feel like it should bother me either not at all or a lot, and I don't understand why I still feel weird about it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You totally hit it there. We want the intimacy, tenderness. It's what our hearts want, but there that sexual drive which wants the physical release. Getting above that is...hard work, and very frustrating.

 

Almost like the desire for sex is just one layer lower in our hardwiring, if you take my meaning. It's really primal. Sometimes we give in.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have been in a friends with benefits situation that lasted more than a year. I now have a friend for life as a result of it.

 

From my perspective, it can work out quite well.

 

I have also had more of a 'lovers' situation with a girl that also turned out quite well. We rarely talk, but certainly make contact from time to time and are interested in each others lives.

 

Depends on the two people involved and how they handle it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I thought about this a lot last night, and I really think I'm just worried that people will find out. It looks bad from an outside perspective... but I honestly don't feel bad about the actual situation between us. I don't want to date him.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I thought about this a lot last night, and I really think I'm just worried that people will find out. It looks bad from an outside perspective... but I honestly don't feel bad about the actual situation between us. I don't want to date him.

 

Then you should be fine. I'm in a similar situation now. Just make sure he feels the same way towards you. You don't want him becoming attached to you if you're not looking for anything more.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...