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Complete lack of experience?


a_lifters_life

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I find this mind-boggling. We've been together over 5 months now, she says she loves me and wants to be with me forever. Actually whispered in my ear the other night "Can I have you forever?". I didn't respond.

 

And you know Im really happy I didnt.

 

Because yesterday she had a fhockey game and her whole family drove up to our college (2.5 hr drive) to see her game and go to a tailgate after.

 

At the tailgate after we ate all the fhock players including my g/f went up to the front and introduced who were at their tables..... it was me, her mom, dad, and 2 brothers (with their g/f's).

 

When it came to her turn .... she announced everyone EXEPT me. Then, everyone was looking over as she announced her brothers were here and everyone on her team was like "OH [G/F's name] and your BOYFRIEND TOO".

 

This really bothered me, this girl says she loves me, wants to be with me forever .... but then has trouble saying my name and who I was..... We're 19, not freaking 15 year olds. Keep in mind, this is also the same girl whos mom thought I was in this for a fling 3 months back before she ever knew me. I thought if she spoke up with confidence that I was there it may have inspired just a little more confidence in her mom.

 

I told her last night - this kinda bothered me she doesnt have the confidence to tell people in public who I was .... like * * * . She said, "Oh I didn't know you wanted to be announced" I was like OHHH that is totally NOT the answer. I told her she probably didnt have the experience of having a "serious bf" before and she agreed.

 

Keep in mind, I really care THE WORLD about this girl. If it were me, I'd be so excited to showoff my g/f to people.... especially since no one else even had a SO there to begin with.

 

Ugh.... what to make of this people?

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Yeah... I think she was shy to announce you. You have a right to be annoyed... but I think you need to work it out. Five months is a longish, but shortish time. But I understand how you feel!

 

How? I'm just trying to let her become more comfortable with time .. but you'd think 5 months would be sufficient to atleast be able to announce me...

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I don't buy her excuse. This is not about inexperience, this is about passive aggressive behaviour. It is courtesy to introduce everyone in your party...to exclude someone is just plain rude. I have a funny feeling this was done on purpose in retaliation for the fact that you did not respond to her comment about wanting to be with you forever. Does she do other passive aggressive things that are hurtful to you?

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I don't buy her excuse. This is not about inexperience, this is about passive aggressive behaviour. It is courtesy to introduce everyone in your party...to exclude someone is just plain rude. I have a funny feeling this was done on purpose in retaliation for the fact that you did not respond to her comment about wanting to be with you forever. Does she do other passive aggressive things that are hurtful to you?

 

I know its common courtesy to introduce everyone .... * * * is this bs shes saying "Oh, I didnt know if you wanted to be introduced" * * * IS THAT !

 

I havent really seen too much other 'passive-aggressive behavior' from her before .... that I can recall.

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I find this mind-boggling. We've been together over 5 months now, she says she loves me and wants to be with me forever. Actually whispered in my ear the other night "Can I have you forever?". I didn't respond.

 

That's an awkward question coming from a gf of five months (not sure if/how I would answer if a new bf said this to me) but at the same time, it must have hurt not to get any response from you.

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That's an awkward question coming from a gf of five months (not sure if/how I would answer if a new bf said this to me) but at the same time, it must have hurt not to get any response from you.

 

Well I said, I could see us forever - blahblabhlablah that's a whole different story, but i did give her a reason why it may not work forever.

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If her not introducing you was to get back at you for not responding to her question, its rather an immature way of going about it IMO. I understand how she could have been hurt but at the same time its a weird question coming from a 5 month GF.... However If it was not an act of passive aggressiveness, its still pretty rude and embarrassing to do such a thing. Its like she doesn't have any respect for you.

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I can understand how it must have felt. I have had g/f's in the past that have readily introduced me to thier friends and family..including the shy ones, so after five months there is no excuse.

 

I had the same thing happen to me not so long ago. My partner and I were outside a club, having a cigarette and one of her friends was with her, that I hadn't met. My partner carried on chatting to her mate and didn't introduce me - so this is what I did. I leant over to my partners friend and said: "I'm sorry I don't believe we have been introduced". The friend then introduced herself and I to her - I then turned my face to me partner and declared "so nice to meet you and be introduced".

 

It could just be lack of social skills, but then I am leaning towards the whole passive-aggressive thing too. Personally I have a '3 strikes and your out rule'..obviously that does not include physical violence or cheating!!

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Well I said, I could see us forever - blahblabhlablah that's a whole different story, but i did give her a reason why it may not work forever.

 

You said before that you did not respond, which is why some people were replying as they did. But now you're saying you did respond. So she wasn't reacting to a lack of response from you on that topic when she didn't introduce you.

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just another problem you have with this girl. *sigh*

 

Yup, it never ends.

 

Personally, it was rude. Its not from lack of experience, she flat out didn't want to introduce you.

 

Like I've said over and over and over again. Her words don't match her actions. She seems to be blowing alot of hot air, and yet treats you and the relationship like its nothing.

 

The thoughts you have, should be mutual. And I've said it, its not. Of course you'd be happy to introduce her, you feel alot for her and you genuinely care for her...the fact that she didn't, should be a hint. She's certainly not feeling that strongly about you, its the actions that matter. Her words have always been BS.

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are you scared to be single again? do you like the concept of saying 'i have a gf'? is this why?

 

Not scared, I just feel like its the first girl I honestly feel like I love, first girl deep down that I feel sooo much for and when * * * * like last weekend happened it really just * * * * ing hurts. I thought she was getting more comfortable with me, these last two weeks have felt great .. now I think I got my answer how she really feels. She gets upset when I've told her in the past "your actions speak much louder than your words" she says in response "oh are you doubting me?".

 

So, last night i was supposed to go over to her dorm for dinner, she was cooking. I cancelled out and the reason being she had/s be infuriated. Just when I thought * * * * was going better, she was more comfortable - it really wasn't . It's ALWAYS in public, ALWAYS. When we're alone, it's fine, its when others are introduced .... she really just cans up. How she treated me Saturday made me feel like a nobody in her life. I've tried to tell her this last night and she said "Oh, I got it 15 mins ago" and I was like well then you need to * * * * ing speak up. We go onto the commons at night and talk here at college ... I talk to her about problems I have with stuff every so often .... she just sits there almost as if she's deaf, but isn't.

 

It's really just way out of hand and its tough, I know it myself, I need to let go, but can't. I feel I deserve better, I see girls all happy to be with their b/f and dont have any problem writing cute little things in their statuses on aim or facebook about them ... but me to her .... * * * * no - that never happens. And it's not just one girl doing this.... it's many - that's why it's really just weird for me. God I had to vent, sorry Ghost/_Asti for keep posting its just so hard to let go.... help please, I need myself back.

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You need someone that suits you, that satisfies you. Thats the bottom line.

 

Thats what dating is about, finding a match. You're trying to make somoene your match, and its not working. Things should just click. Why do you think all those people look so happy? Probably because they are..they found someone that they connect with and that suits them.

 

You need to find someone that you connect with on all levels and makes you happy because its mutual. You're trying to make this girl into something she's not, or something she's not willing to become..and you need to realize that there are waaaaay too many differences in this relationship..its a constant battle for you to try and feel appreicated and loved, and its not right.

 

You either have to accept the 'love' she's giving, and settle for it, and realize that yes she is different, she does things different..not everyone publicly displays their love over AIM and Facebook and crap. Or finally realize that you deserve better, and that there is a better match out there. There's no reason to settle when it comes to love, life is too short to be in a miserable relationship.

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That's very true, I appreciate it.

 

It's really just tough to imagine myself with another person. I know myself I need to let go, it really is just a horrible thought . Even finding a new person is tough because MOST other girls, including my current, drink allllllllllll the time and that's like all they do. I dont mind social drinking, but most people at this age just seem like that's all they wanna do. Maybe date a little older ? But even then 22, 23 their still pretty similar...correct?

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That's very true, I appreciate it.

 

It's really just tough to imagine myself with another person. I know myself I need to let go, it really is just a horrible thought . Even finding a new person is tough because MOST other girls, including my current, drink allllllllllll the time and that's like all they do. I dont mind social drinking, but most people at this age just seem like that's all they wanna do. Maybe date a little older ? But even then 22, 23 their still pretty similar...correct?

 

not all of them.

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That's very true, I appreciate it.

 

It's really just tough to imagine myself with another person. I know myself I need to let go, it really is just a horrible thought . Even finding a new person is tough because MOST other girls, including my current, drink allllllllllll the time and that's like all they do. I dont mind social drinking, but most people at this age just seem like that's all they wanna do. Maybe date a little older ? But even then 22, 23 their still pretty similar...correct?

 

No, you need to stop assuming.

I never fit the typical 'college girl' criteria. I wasn't into partying, or drinking weekly.

I did meet my boyfriend at college, and you want to know how? He noticed that I wasn't crawling all over the dorm hallways acting like a complete drunken idiot. With a simple comment of "How does a girl like you, fit in with girls like this..." and the rest was history.

 

He appreciated the fact that I wasn't a partier, that I was a quiet reserved kinda girl that appreciated different things in life and got enjoyement out of different things. We valued the same things, wanted the same things, and did the same things. We connected.

 

You can't be close minded here and assume that every girl at college is there to party and drink their face off and be wild. If that's what you think, thats what you're going to find and focus on.

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Alrighty, that's very relieving to hear. THE only bad part of this is, her birthday is 10/15, I just spent like $250.............. * * * * . lol.

 

I just wonder where you find girls that aren't into the massive partying, go-crazy scene .... atleast at my college, they seem few and far between... like where do they hang out ? Spend their time ?

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Wouldn't you rather be single anyway than completely miserable?

 

Well, I don't want to be single. I really want to find that girl. By all means dont get me wrong ... Im not going out looking for that someone; as love finds you. It's just that, I feel like I really would not know where to start out once/if I dump her soon. I really dont know where girls who dont drink often hang out ... socialize ... etc ... it's just tough.

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Alrighty, that's very relieving to hear. THE only bad part of this is, her birthday is 10/15, I just spent like $250.............. * * * * . lol.

 

I just wonder where you find girls that aren't into the massive partying, go-crazy scene .... atleast at my college, they seem few and far between... like where do they hang out ? Spend their time ?

 

libraries. coffee shops. exercising.

 

and take the crap you bought back.

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Well, I don't want to be single. I really want to find that girl. By all means dont get me wrong ... Im not going out looking for that someone; as love finds you. It's just that, I feel like I really would not know where to start out once/if I dump her soon. I really dont know where girls who dont drink often hang out ... socialize ... etc ... it's just tough.

 

Yeah but really.... you don't wanna be that guy that always has to have a girlfriend do you.

 

It's as unfair for you to stay with her because you don't want to be single as it is for her to stay with you without wanting to put energy and effort into the relationship.

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Yeah but really.... you don't wanna be that guy that always has to have a girlfriend do you.

 

It's as unfair for you to stay with her because you don't want to be single as it is for her to stay with you without wanting to put energy and effort into the relationship.

 

That's true, dont get me wrong I'd love to stay with her and be with her ... its just that just treats me totalllly out of the ordinary [in my mind]. I'm going to talk to her in an hour and see how she feels.

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