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first loves... do they ever get back together after break up?


kate_ann86

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me and my ex celebrated our 3rd year anniversary only 3 weeks ago (12/09 fast forward a couple of weeks (24/09) we broke up. the days leading up to our break up he wasn't sleeping at all and during all that time he messaged and called to say how much he loved me and how beautiful i was. we're both 22yo's with full time jobs and on our last semester at university.

 

on the day of our break up i received an email from him at work saying he "wanted to talk". my heart sank and maybe some part of me knew it wasn't going to be good.

 

that night after work we met up, had dinner and while driving to his house he tells me how he wanted to move interstate next year without me as soon as his parents retire from their business/shop. my heart gave in and felt i couldn't breath.

 

that night while watching tv together i stayed quiet, making sure he didn't see the tears rolling down my face. i'm not one to be quiet but what could i say!? he kept asking for me to turn around and talk to him but i didn't want to show him my tear stained cheeks. his reason was that we were too young and he wanted to experience life without any attachments and without worrying about anyone else but himself.i cried so hard and told him i hated him how selfish he was and slapped him. the hard part is... i understand why he wanted it that way.

 

the next week i wasn't eating sleeping and i did all the wrong things when breaking up with someone. i kept calling and texting.

 

i guess he said the magic words i didn't want to hear "its over" one night and i pushed him away and sped down his street.

 

its been a while now and i haven't spoken to him or seen him. i've tried keeping myself busy, i've made up with my family and started to do things for myself. the support my friends and workmates have shown me is incredible. its just there'll be times when i'll get caught up with my thoughts and start crying.

 

i love him so much and miss him terribly that it hurts. as much as i want to let go i can't... he's my first love.

 

i sometimes visualize us getting back together in the near future...me a stronger and more confident girl and him a career accomplished and well travelled.

 

what i want to know is has there been anyone who've broken up with their first love only to get back together??

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I am sorry this happened to you. Breaking up with someone you love is something very hard to go through. I've been apart from my ex for 4 months now and it still hurts. I think about her each day and wish in the end that we work out.

 

I have a few friends who are married now that actually broke up and spent a year apart before getting back together. My uncle and aunty actually were apart for two years before they got back together. As my ex told me "whats meant to be is meant to be" and sometimes we have to let them go and see if they will come back on there own. If they do then we know its meant to be. Best of luck to you and keep your head up. Work on yourself in the mean time. You now have the chance to live for yourself

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for both of us it is our first relationship and our first real loves. i want to be happy for him and see him on his way... all the fond memories of us will forever be in my heart.

 

i keep telling myself "if you love them let them go...if they come back it was meant to be". maybe one day we'll fall in love all over again...

 

excited and scared at the same time..

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MY ex and I have been on and off for 3.5 yrs, and there is a complicated side to things. When we first started dating she told me about her eating disorder and I promised her we would work through it. As some of you may know eating disorders=more probelms.

 

Through the years we have been through a lot together and even though we constantly break up and get back together we both love each other. Last year I made a new e-mail address so I could send stuff from one to the other...at the time i didnt know u could e-mail yourself. Next thing you know I was using it to flirt with girls. She found out about it and i told her all about it. After looking back at it I was talking to other girls because I was always dealing with my ex's problems and if she had a bad day I wouldn't tell her about mine since I would want to make sure she was ok. I also was doing it because my ex doesn't deal well with her emotions and when shes mad at something such as school, family, her eating she would take it out on me...sometimes calling me an @sshole and so on. Its weird because most of the time she would tell me she couldn;t do it without me and I was there for her more than her own family. I still remember the day her Dad told me "I don't know how you do it".

 

Well after she found out about the e-mail account we broke up and we then got back together after a week or so and decided to work things out..that was over a year ago. last spring she got a job offer in Mexico. We decided we would move down there together which meant I would have to quit my job, which I was fine with because I'd be with her. Well at the end of May we started fighting over small stuff and then we would bring up anything we had against each other from the past. We would both sit there and do nothing waiting for the other person to do something. Looking back I wish I would have done something because it was so childish. Now here I am 4 months down the road missing her like crazy. Her best friends tell me shes just being stupid and needs her space. They all tell me we'll get back together because we have always been the cute couple...most don't know about how she struggles day to day at times. Guess thats what happened with us.

 

I know I've made mistakes and there are things I regret doing and not doing. In the end though we are all human and make mistakes. The hard part is living with them. I've learnt from my mistakes and whatever happens in the future I know I'll be a better boyfriend.

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Yes i believe that they do, But it's never the same. Sometimes when you try to hard you actually end up losing the person.

 

See in my opinion love is never equal. I think i learned this the hard way. Im not advocating that you lose hope but also be a bit realistic because you might be setting yourself up for a large fall.

 

Imagine everything you've ever known to be special and strip yourself of those things. Now try to build from this and you might love the product that you can develop from. This is what im trying to do.

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Hi kate,

 

I've been broken up with my ex and been in nc for nearly 6 months now, she like your ex "needed to talk", she was my first vice versa, I thought we would be together forever, she spoke about having kids the works, she was my world.

 

I feel very sad at the way she dealt with things, how she hasnt spoken to me since we split, and the coldness, sometimes these people are not who we want them to be, they seem to just brush you to the side and cant take the pressure.

 

Please remain in nc and try to move on is all I can say, time will heal it has worked for me, dont contact him whatever you do, keep yourself busy, if he comes back he comes back we cant force anyone do a anything. You will look back at this as an experiance one we must all go through and you know it's for a reason it makes us stronger and we know what we want out of a relashionship, the next one will be even better and there out there somewhere!.

 

Take care.

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Hi Maka

 

it is so hard and still so raw at the moment. i know i can be stronger then this and carry on living. we broke up 12 months ago only to get back together 2 weeks later and i just have this definite feeling that this time we'll never be together again.

 

and like you, i believed him (my ex) to be my world when we talked about marriage and the kids package. routine is so hard to break but something i must do ... i'm giving myself false hope but right now its all i have at the moment. here and now hurts but with time i hope to heal.

 

its helpful to know that i'm not the only one out there who believes the world to stand still when our great loves walk out of our lives and into another. i guess it is the lessons we learn in life that makes us who we are.

 

writing all this has somehow given me acceptance and release. i just want him to miss me as much as i am missing him right now and realize how much i still and will always love him.

 

thank you

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I can honestly say that everything happens for a reason and things will work out if they are meant to; I don't think life has a set map to follow but ...things always end up the way they should be in the end. If its meant to be he'll come back to you or you'll find eachother in another way, if not I think there is always room in your heart for your first love.Timing is everything =)

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oh sweetie, i feel your pain.

My boyfriend of 4 1/2 years broke up with about 5 months ago, saying bascially the same things. (want to be independent, does not want to be in a relationship, too young for a relationship so serious, etc.)

It is so so hard when someone you love so much drops out of your life, (i have had NC with him since about 2 weeks after the breakup.

 

I still have days that are really really hard, but I also have good days when I do feel joy.

 

I guess I just wanted you to know that I feel your pain, and that you are not alone.

 

You will be in my prayers, along with everyone else who is hurting.

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I can honestly say that everything happens for a reason and things will work out if they are meant to; I don't think life has a set map to follow but ...things always end up the way they should be in the end. If its meant to be he'll come back to you or you'll find eachother in another way, if not I think there is always room in your heart for your first love.Timing is everything =)

 

 

if everything was meant to be then you acknowledge destiny, or divine plan, or god. If that were the case did say the holocaust happen, gods chosen people.

 

I think our lives are 100% within our own hands, everyday we make decisions that will change our future.

 

If your ex is to ever come back I believe youve gotta make decisions right now to someday have that happen, this does not abdicate a "plan" because when dealing with human emotion you cannot plan everything out. But acknowledging that some things are out of your control i think is a better way to look at it. Rather then relying on "fate". If you think about it thats probably the reason we are all here in this forum, we left too many things in the hands of "fate" rather than knowing our positions and making steps to correct them.

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Coldplay and cat_lady your both right in your own ways. Yes "whats meant to be is meant to be" however you also have to put in your side of the effort to make whatever meant to be. For instance if your meant to win the lottery how could you win it without buying a ticket or scratching one. Now don;t be going through all the what ifs...what if you found one, what if someone gave you one....you get my point.

 

You can;t go through life living on the sidelines and watching your life pass you by.

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Well, everything happens for a reason is the way i see it. That doesnt mean that you're ex will come back or they will. But rather each task you face in life gives you experience to move forward into the future.

 

In relation to the holocaust comment, it's a very intelligent one. But if the holocaust didnt happen, would we ever know the effects of genocide today in the world? Our world has been globalized where we know what's going on accross the world and as such these things rarely/barely happen in the extent of the holocaust.

 

But im going off topic here. I agree that you cannot idly sit by and believe in fate/destiny or what not. You have to take a proactive approach to life because to me fate is taking the easy way out of the situation without putting in much effort!

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I'm sorry, I dont think that the holocaust comment is appropriate at all. How is a breakup is any way an accurate comparison to an act of genocide?

 

In fact, if you do want to bring up the holocaust - I'd say - look at all the people who lost everything (not just their S.O. but family, parents, children) and lived to surive and use that experience to help other people (i.e. Viktor Frankel) or had everything and risked their lives to stand up for their beliefs - IMO, use examples of such extraordinary human strength and how they mentally overcame everything to realize how unimportant a simple breakup is in the scheme of human history and as inspiration that yes, you can get over it, instead of questioning god and fate.

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I'm sorry, I dont think that the holocaust comment is appropriate at all. How is a breakup is any way an accurate comparison to an act of genocide?

 

In fact, if you do want to bring up the holocaust - I'd say - look at all the people who lost everything (not just their S.O. but family, parents, children) and lived to surive and use that experience to help other people (i.e. Viktor Frankel) or had everything and risked their lives to stand up for their beliefs - IMO, use examples of such extraordinary human strength and how they mentally overcame everything to realize how unimportant a simple breakup is in the scheme of human history and as inspiration that yes, you can get over it, instead of questioning god and fate.

 

if everything was meant to be then you acknowledge destiny, or divine plan, or god. If that were the case did say the holocaust happen, gods chosen people.

 

nowhere in there did i make any comparison to a relationship, i do not agree with the holocaust or anything like that, its merely an even in human history which wasnt "fated", it was a conscious decision that people made, that is my point.

 

because i believe fate is our attempt to justify things in our life that are out of our control. Im not attacking god, infact i believe god gave us the greatest gift of all a Free Will, which explains our propensity to commit: evil, good and anything else its our choice, our god given choice.

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omg i'm having withdrawal symptoms!! i want to see him so much i honestly miss him and its unnerving!

 

during the day i'm able to keep myself busy and thinking of other things... its just during the night i feel like my thoughts over power me and i drift thinking about him. why is it so hard for me to move on!! its unfair how he can switch off after 3 years of being with me and just see through me. i feel like as if i was played stupid!! *cries*

 

i'll have my days when i'm strong and confident in myself and other days when i fall weak and uncontrollable of my own feelings...

 

it has been 2 weeks... i know it hasn't been long like months but my heart sinks

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My gf finished with me last week, we're only 17 and it was our first real relationship and both of our first loves. We were together for just under 3years, we lost our virginities to each other, we were best friends and we've both broke the no contact rule. I'm not sure what lies ahead for us yet, but she has a decision to make soon, so maybe first loves can be repaired, who knows...x

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dude i'm in the same boat as you. i'm 19 she's 17.first love's, first virginities, 2.5 years...she dumped me 3 weeks ago citing "I love you but I'm not in love with you", "no passion", and this one...it's funny lol..."I wanted to love you, but I didn't"...my email is email removed hit me up on this forum. i feel like we have a lot to talk about.

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lol the 'i love you but i'm not in love with you' quote. All this means that is "hey, i really do care for you and all that, but i'm young and i want to see what's out there, if it's not what i thought it would be, would you still be here for me please?

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My "first love" broke up with me about two times... it has been 3 years. We are 19. I don't know if we will last though. We are in a fight & this MIGHT just be the "last straw". There are a LOT of things going against us. So in relevance to your question, I think people DO get back together after they break up. Yes, even "first loves". But if it becomes constant "on/off", it isn't likely they'll stay together. Too much instability.

 

Use this time to clear your head and I'm sorry you feel so hurt. I know your pain... it's never EVER easy but it WILL get better.

 

And I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Good AND bad.

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