Unhealthy Relationship Fallout

[kitchentable]

Hey folks, I have skimmed through these boards looking for a story like mine. Haven't really found one so here goes...

 

My ex and I dated for almost two years. She had recently had her heartbroken and I was high on life when we met. I was cautious for quite sometime about being a rebound. It didn't help that she still talked to her ex (once every couple of months). Thing was, she talked to all of her exes from time to time and she said she cared about them all as friends. I don't really work that way, but I never really made an issue of it. Once the honeymoon phase (about a year and half) went by we started to poison each other. We both had very negative characteristics that we brought out of each other. I suffer from ptsd, she has depression issues. I am slow to warm up to others and she was very charming and sociable. In private I was open and she was a little more closed off (to everyone, including her family). We fought about a lot. We also agreed on a lot. I have control issues and she is a free spirit. She realized it was unhealthy before I did. She began to distance herself emotionally. Which due to her nature was hard to decipher at first. She told me she just wanted to be friends ( I was crushed, but accepted it, then she took it back). She started to verbally assault me in front of our friends. At first I let it go, thinking she was just drunk. It became more frequent. When I stood up for myself, it turned her on. I didn't really like that dynamic. Too mean for me. She began flirting with my friends. I finally had enough, I broke it off. I went to talk to her in person and she took the opportunity to tell me everything that was wrong with me. I was a little shocked by how cruel she had gotten. Then she said she wanted to be friends. I said in time maybe. She began calling me ( i was going no contact), then my roommate who at first was willing to remain friendly with her. When they hung out she continued to emasculate me. He decided to cut ties as well. Then she showed up at my house at in the middle of the night demanding I be her friend, I remained firm about leaving me alone for her to go home, she wouldn't take no for an answer. We ended up having sex ( I know, but I was drunk and still loved her). The next morning she asked me to help her with something, I said no. She called me names and left. Days after that she began spending every second of the day with one of my "friends". Her friends told me about it. I have cut ties with all of these dramatic people that have been in the middle of this. I called her to tell her I don't hate her and am a little hurt by her actions and she proceeded to attack me again. We ran into each other at a bar and she tried to dance with me. I wasn't really in the mood. Then she told my friend I was just mad because she didn't want to marry me. Anyhow, I'm proceeding to move on (no contact for two weeks) but I am curious what other people's take on this is.

 

Sorry it's long.

[Dani0613]

This girl has done nothing for you but bring you down. Even if you wanted to entertain a friendship at some point, would you really want to be friends with someone who could treat you the way she has? You're doing the right thing by going NC and walking away. You sound like a nice guy, so take your dignity and self respect and leave her in the past. You can do better!

[kitchentable]

That's what I'm doing. Yeah, I'm a nice guy but not a doormat. I just do my own thing until someone starts negatively impacting my life. What I don't get is why she is so bitter. Her friends are too. At first they all trashed her to me when they told me about the new guy. When I realized they were two faced, I cut off contact with them as well. Then they sent me messages calling me bitter and confused. What the hell is wrong with these people? We are in our mid twenties, not high school.

[Dani0613]

That's what I'm doing. Yeah, I'm a nice guy but not a doormat. I just do my own thing until someone starts negatively impacting my life. What I don't get is why she is so bitter. Her friends are too. At first they all trashed her to me when they told me about the new guy. When I realized they were two faced, I cut off contact with them as well. Then they sent me messages calling me bitter and confused. What the hell is wrong with these people? We are in our mid twenties, not high school.

 

That's why you have to be the bigger person and do what you're doing. People can be considerably immature.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Sometimes people like your ex have a crowd of followers..don't ask me why. This woman is deeply troubled and the only way she can improve her self esteem is by cutting other people down. I imagine she is a pretty nasty friend as well but some people gravitate to the selfish, mean ones because they can turn on the charm when they want to. It is good that you are well out of this situation. She is not even worth being friends with.

[kitchentable]

Can't help but feel a little duped. For the first year and a half she was mostly a sweetheart. Did a lot for me. Very supportive and caring. Then she hit a switch. I don't know whether I should pity her or hate her.