Starting a new relationship right after one ended

[lexissa]

I know it's not a good idea, I should take time off, time to heal, but i'm kinda stuck in a confusing situation. Me and my bf of 1.5 years (which was a TERRIBLE, painful relationship that would have never worked out) broke up two weeks ago. Since then he has a new gf and for the first week i was heartbroken, miserable, angry and jealous of the new girl. Then in the second week I came to a realization that I really didnt ever want this guy back. I felt alot of relief and even though i still have a few pangs of jealousy come up when i see his new girlfriend, i think I'm prepared to move on.

 

Two weeks isn't long, but the truth is, I've been mentally preparing myself for the end for months now. I always knew it wouldn't last. I think this is why my recovery seems to be happening so quickly. I feel so much better now then i did two weeks ago, in fact i feel free, as if i can really start a better life without the weight of a failing relationship always holding me down.

 

So there is this other guy who i have known for years, and basically he's been beside me for the past two weeks and we've been spending loads of time together. I realized a week ago that i was slowly falling for him. Every time i see him my feelings grow a little stronger. And i'm pretty sure he likes me back, i can tell by the way he looks at me, pays extra attention to me, talks to me and randomly hugs me and gets close to me every chance he gets.

 

Should i pursue this new possibility of a relationship? Or should i wait a while longer first? I'm worried that he'll make a move on me too soon and i dont want to have to reject him. I feel ready, but i would also like to wait a bit just to be sure. I dont really know what to do.

[kuiks8]

Everyone will have their own opinion on this, many will say you should wait...but only you can know for sure what is right for you...

My marriage ended officially Apr 16th, but i started to check out the September before that...5 months after my separation i am in a relationship, and i am happy. I found someone I can be honest with and who knows my background.

I was really upfront with him at the beginning as to how much I was willing to give and how far i was willing to go and I have continued in my honesty and I have tried to be really self aware so that I don't end up hurting him.

There is another person involved so make sure you are doing this for the right reasons, not just to fill a void.

[kaoticbaby]

personally, i don't feel as if everyone *always* needs to wait a set amount of time. like the above poster, i was mentally checked out of my last relationship (2.5 years) for about six months before the break. i met my new boyfriend literally the day me and my ex broke it off, and two months later we were dating. it's been a year and everything's been perfect.

 

edit: that doesnt mean it will always work out so well, and obviously you should give it some serious thought. if the only thing holding you back is the short amount of time, i say go for it. if there's other issues, wait.

[havefaith]

This exact same thing happened to me. Definitely proceed with caution because here's what will likely happen: you will keep falling for this guy bc its new and exciting. When you start to realize he actually likes you back and when the chase is over and he wants a relationship, you're probably going to waffle about it a little. You could end up dragging him around as you'll want him but not be totally ready, and you'll continue to go back and forth.

 

I ended up losing the new guy as he got tired of waiting around... but I'm thankful that I didn't jump right in with him because I think it would have diminished our relationship. I still have hope that it will work out one day (he went and got a new girlfriend).

[Cognitive_Canine]

I would pursue it if you feel up for it.

 

After a breakup, I got asked out by a new guy 1 week afterward. Him and I are still together now, nearly a year and a half later.

[renaissancewoman101]

Personally, I don't think it's wrong to find a new relationship right after one has ended, especially if you were already "checked out" of the old relationship before. My ex did that to me. He had someone he was interested in from Ren Faire and that provided the impetus for him to jump ship. It didn't help that I was sick of the relationship already and had kind of isolated him (hardly spending time with him). I was going through a lot of emotional issues (best friend was moving away, etc), and I didn't want him a part of it.

 

Personally, I've never had anybody waiting in the wings when an old relationship ends, probably because I've only had about 3-4 REAL dating relationships in my life.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Have you taken time to learn any lessons from this past relationship...why was it terrible...why did you feel that it would never work out? Relationships are not just "I like him, he likes me, I miss having someone around, let's be a couple". The reason for waiting is so that you can process what happened in the relationship, figure out where you went wrong, where he went wrong, what you wouldn't settle for, how you can improve yourself so that you don't go down the same road again with someone else. Have you had time to really think? I think a lot of people use the excuse that they have checked out long ago in order to justify running into a relationship immediately after the official end..but checking out is NOT the same as actually BEING out of a relationshp. Checking out means your mind is not there but you are still enjoying the benefits of having someone by your side. By moving straight into a new relationship you never prove to yourself that you can make it on your own...that you don't NEED someone around...it is a chance to make changes within yourself and live life for yourself. Serial relationships are not ideal because the person never really finds themself...their identity gets tied in with having a partner around to do stuff with rather than learning how to be self-sufficient for life, company and entertainment. Chances are this guy will want to start dating you and you will say yes. If you were older I would say just keep it low key and don't rush things...but at your age, chances are this is more about two people finding someone to hang out with rather than anything more solid, and he would probably be on to the next person if you say no to him. So do what you feel you want to do, but also keep in mind for future reference that it probably is better to wait before going straight into another relationship.

[kuiks8]

I disagree...I checked out of my marriage and spent all that time when i was checked out working on myself. i was learning the lessons while being in my house. NOT enjoying the benefits of being with someone...I checked out of that relationship, but not out of myself.

I have had time to process who I am. I have had time to learn the lessons and I am applying every one of them in this new relationship.

[winter whiteout]

It's funny because my ex husband left me over 2.5 years ago and I have not dated anyone since he left. I have posted how this has effected me not being with someone for so long and how I am starting to feel desperate. A lot of people said to concentrate on other things but that would just mean being alone longer. It seems people base their answers on their experiences. I chose not to date anyone when my husband left me for another woman he worked with. We were legally separated for 2 years and he was making wedding plans with her while I was still in shock. Now I am ready to date again but their are no opportunities on the horizon. I do have to say I am glad I waited to totally heal before deciding to date again but I feel so lonely and don't want to go through another winter just going to work and home.