Jump to content

Just cold, empty reality


tooreal
Just Going Through The Motions?
Just Going Through The Motions?

Recommended Posts

I have run out...

 

I am the kind of person who wanted to really know... to figure out how things worked, to understand people, to know what is really going on.

I wish I had not gone down that road.

 

I have no respect for rationalizations, philosophical crutches, or just "seeing it a different way".

I am not taken in by conspiracy theories or urban legends.

I do believe in God, although I regularly have my doubts, but that is a part of the belief structure or process or faith.

I do not know it all, I have not seen it all, but I have seen and figured out all of what what really matters, and searched beyond what is seen, beyond the material world, etc. as well.

 

There is no longer anything worthwhile to fill my days,

and even as a purely philosophical point, there is no point to existence itself.

 

I have been alone far too long, but really do not need anyone. Because of what I know, I have lost respect for the Human race, with individual exceptions of course.

My life, although poor, is more comfortable and secure than most. I am not suffering in any certain way, but life has become a "Life Sentence" for me.

I have decades left to live, but can no longer fill one day in a way that would be worthwhile to me.

 

I am not suffering from depression, so counseling is no answer.

I am not suffering from any chemical imbalance, so nothing from a pharmacy is the answer.

I have believed in, and prayed to God most if not all my life, but have received no answer, or result, nor even a curious coincidence to catch my curiosity.

 

I hate what the world and the people in it are becoming, despite any argument of progress or relativism, etc.

I don't like being here anymore... I really don't.

 

This is not about suicide, although I admit that if I knew I was not going to go to hell, I might do it just to avoid the incessantly ticking clocks of boredom.

 

I have at least one good friend who cares, and would care about this, and who would listen, but there is really no point, and I don't want to depress her any further.

 

I joined this after stumbling accross it on an internet search because I have some human need to cry out,

to say how I feel, not even expecting an answer necessarily.

 

I really don't want a people telling me that I am wrong, or that life is wonderful, or that I just have a certain problem, or that God is the answer, or to just get out and do something etc. etc. etc. I am an intelligent person who has thought things out well, and often, and searched for my answers in very real ways with real effort.

 

I just don't know anymore, -or 'want' to know anymore,

I don't care anymore, and feel like crap in general for too many reasons.

I really wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow, this is very deep and I too feel like this from time to time. After an 8 year relationship with a woman that I thought I knew like the back of my hand came to an end due to her infidelity, I see the human race in a different light. People are just so selfish that they are willing to destroy whoever and whatever for their own benefit. Unfortunately I'm not built this way but I wonder if that's the way I SHOULD be. I don't think I could sleep at night knowing I hurt someone but it seems like others sleep just fine.

I think the key is being content with yourself (which you seem to be) AS WELL as finding someone to enjoy life with. There are plenty of people who would be willing to spend time with you/ go to different places with you; the problem is finding someone who is honest and loyal and who will love unconditionally. I think we are built to need companionship and I know with companionship I feel complete. But when most people nowadays are looking out for themselves and themselves only, it feels like it's not even worth building friendships/ relationships with others. So it becomes a catch 22. You can stay lonely and desire companionship or you can find companionship and risk getting hurt due to inherent selfishness. Seems like either way you lose. I think the only saving grace is having a tight knit family. If you have strong ties to family, you get the companionship and there's less risk of selfishness as most times their love is unconditional. Just my thoughts

Link to comment
Share on other sites

mmm? How many colours are there in a rainbow, is the earth flat or round, do we always have the correct answer or point of view, the mind is a good but sometimes a dangerous thing, we tend to get into a certain way of thinking and sometimes forget to think outside the norm and get trapped in the way we think and look at life. Sometimes we have to look closer and sometimes we have to stand back to see life differently.

 

With time we have to evolve and find more ways to think of a situation, sometimes even restructuring the fundamentals we use in our thought proses is necessary, for many of the ways we think and interpret life there is no right or wrong. Only thing we can apply is it working for me or is it killing me.

 

There will always be the negatives in life, but the secret is to concentrate less on it and more on the positives in life.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

There is no longer anything worthwhile to fill my days,

 

Then fill it with something. Sounds like you have too much time on your hands. Do you have a job?

I am not suffering from depression, so counseling is no answer.

I am not suffering from any chemical imbalance, so nothing from a pharmacy is the answer.

Unless you have a medical degree you're not qualified to make that call. If you haven't yet spoken to your doctor you should do so. It's possible that you are correct, but it's possible (likely) that you aren't as well.

I really don't want a people telling me that I am wrong, or that life is wonderful, or that I just have a certain problem, or that God is the answer, or to just get out and do something etc. etc. etc. I am an intelligent person who has thought things out well, and often, and searched for my answers in very real ways with real effort.

 

Regardless of how intelligent you are, no single person has a complete perspective on this world. In fact, the intelligent are often more prone to get wrapped up in their own worldview, stuck inside their head, which leads to depression. Yes, you do need to get out more, and spend more time with your friends and engaged in activity. Of course, this is dependent on you, and a willingness on your part to want to get better.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have run out...

 

...................

I really don't want a people telling me that I am wrong, or that life is wonderful, or that I just have a certain problem, or that God is the answer, or to just get out and do something etc. etc. etc. I am an intelligent person who has thought things out well, and often, and searched for my answers in very real ways with real effort.

 

I just don't know anymore, -or 'want' to know anymore,

I don't care anymore, and feel like crap in general for too many reasons.

I really wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up again.

 

I believe you.

 

But even the smartest of us, any of us.....sometimes we need a little help from someone or something outside of ourselves.

 

Since you've done such a thorough look at things, you must know that we aren't really independent entities.

 

We depend constantly simply to exist, because, we are interdependent.

 

If this weren't so, then maybe I could agree with you that there are no more choices and this is it. The end of the road. Nothing left to see.

 

But you've said it yourself - YOU'VE run out.

 

You are drained. It's ok to admit that. And it's ok to not know what to do next, or even feel like it is worth it anymore.

 

One thing though: you still have choice. To stay here, drained and see what happens to you (rather predictable, you know it won't be pretty) or to try again even though you are exhausted.

 

Trying a little something different this time might be opening up to letting someone else in and help you out, instead of trying to do it all alone.

 

That's all you gotta do.....you need some replenishment....will you take it? Will you let it in, or will you fight for the decision to "not care anymore".

 

Your choice. Pulling for you. Have been in a place like you describe before.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

tooreal,

 

Your post is so thought provoking and eloquent.

 

I cant offer any solutions because it appears your mind has gone down all routes and reached its own answers to each thing you have questioned.

 

I dont think your alone. At some point, a lot of people here have done likewise and were all living what we know.

 

'We learn what we live' as the saying goes.

 

I dont want to belittle your intelligence (as your clearly capable of rational thought) but have you thought maybe your missing some more human contact?

 

We all need people, and even though we may not feel it, it does hurt our souls when we're cut off and isolated.

 

How about about travelling?

 

I dont know whereabouts you are on the planet, but theres a lot of it to see. Sometimes, when im feeling a bit wishy washy i think it helps me to get out of my day to day life and go and experience something else instead.

 

Even a couple of days away makes a difference as i see things Ive not seen before and meet new people etc.

 

I dont know if this is possible for you, even taking a walk round my neighbourhood is good for me as i like to see other peoples gardens (I like flowers and things) and get ideas for mine!

 

I think you sound like a great person - welcome to ENA!

 

Hope x

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It seems to me that you are a point of rare opportunity that presents itself to all of us. An opportunity to see "behind" the mind of thoughts and the rule of the ego, a chance to give up the incessant belief that they are who we are.

 

An opportunity to be left bare to be our inner self and nothing more. An inner self that sees the interconnectiveness of all things in creation. A connection with all or some call God. To realize that what we are searching for is it that is doing the searching.

 

A chance to transcend the mind of thoughts and its creation the ego, or let them both dominate your existence.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi,

 

I don't know if you've already read up on Existential Depression - Google it if not. Makes uncomfortable reading, but at least you will know it's a recognised part of the human condition.

 

I'm exactly on your wavelength - The more you rationalise daily life the more absurd it seems, but I found that when I hit my forties I became conscious of having less time remaining to live than I have already been alive. I had to draw a line under regrets and resentments of the past and that freed a lot of mental energy to appreciate what I do want (and have to offer).

 

I wish you well.. PM me if you ever want to talk..

 

Andy

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It seems to me that you are a point of rare opportunity that presents itself to all of us. An opportunity to see "behind" the mind of thoughts and the rule of the ego, a chance to give up the incessant belief that they are who we are.

 

An opportunity to be left bare to be our inner self and nothing more. An inner self that sees the interconnectiveness of all things in creation. A connection with all or some call God. To realize that what we are searching for is it that is doing the searching.

 

A chance to transcend the mind of thoughts and its creation the ego, or let them both dominate your existence.

You make interesting points and concepts.

Ones which I have unfortunately already considered.

No new direction to go in that would be better.

Thank you anyway though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On one hand, I know there is such a thing as True Love, or more popularly, "unconditional love".

The there is the rest, which basically just comes down to what I call "Bio-Chemical Addiction" and the human urges.

The healthy relationship is either somewhere in between, or a combination of the two.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You certainly try hard to help, I give you that.

These are not answers that will work for me.

I could make my self feel better by dating, but that would be a crutch. I have tried dating recently, but the way I am, I do not consider myself fit to date. If it came to that, I should first find some form of meaning or small measure of true happiness or at least a healthy satisfaction with life first.

Thank you very much though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have spent many times / a lot of time thinking about what else I could do. Sure, I could go for amusement, entertainment, cheap thrills or sex, but such things have nothing to do with the meaning and quality of Life.

 

If I am not at least satisfied, if not somewhat happy at my core, then all such things are temporary, shallow, and no answer.

 

It may just be me, my life experience, by way of the paths I have traveled down. I know things that people just should not know, and like me, would likely choose not to know, given a realistic choice. But once you know, it's too late, and there you are.

 

 

I can see the wondrousness in nature, of the complexity of nature and life, the wholesome simple wonder of a simple thing like Water, a key to nature and life...

 

But there is no joy, no happiness, no 'enlightening' coming out of me anymore. It is all dried up, and nothing truly new to bring it out, and nothing refilling me.

 

In this, somewhere, is the true secret to intrinsic happiness - if I can find it, anyway. But it may be just another fairy tale.

I dunno.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If I am not at least satisfied, if not somewhat happy at my core, then all such things are temporary, shallow, and no answer.

The more time you spend moping and worrying about the things that bring true happiness, the less likely you will be to find happiness. Happiness is rarely caused by one big event (like the media and the movies would have us believe) but by a composite of experiences... a place where we reach contentment. I think one kind of happiness can be reached in a sort of passive, Zen like way, where you accept what life is for what it is and leave it at that... I don't think it's necessarily based on acquiring "things" and "experiences." And, of course, you have to want to be happy, and to be completely honest I'm not seeing that in your posts, but that's a superficial judgment on my part based on what I'm reading on the internet.

 

But there is no joy, no happiness, no 'enlightening' coming out of me anymore. It is all dried up, and nothing truly new to bring it out, and nothing refilling me.
Do you have friends? Go hang out with them. Other people prevent us from becoming wrapped up in ourselves and depressed.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...