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an update, which i need advice on


reneex061
Your Boyfriend Left You - So What?
Your Boyfriend Left You - So What?

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well i havent wrote in here in a while. if you read my previous post youd see that ive had a really bad break up with my ex of a yr and a half. well, were still broken up but things have got better. were friends now and hes stopped with the name calling and stuff. well..im still pretty upset about things, only because i still like him. i might eve love him still, but i can fee the love fading because i dont care about things like i used to.

 

but i need advice on what i should do. well we've hung out a couple times, and he treats me like im his girlfriend, besides like holding hands and stuff. and its weird, and im not sure i get why he does that. and like things are honestly great when we hang out, we talk none stop and things are good. well, the one night we talked in the car, and he told me that he doesnt have feeling for me. but honestly, its obvious to me that he does because i can feel how he feels being around me. and i can tell by the way he looks at me.but hell never admit to it, because for one he doesnt want a girlfriend he says. well..this brings me to where i need some advice. last night, he got mad at me for whatever reason and didnt wanna talk to me, so i said fine. i was on aol for three hours and so was he, and neither of us tried talking to one another. WELL, after three hours, he imed me and said "you cant talk to me? now or are you too busy flirting with all your guy friends"...i was completely shocked he said that, and he was being dead serious. and he was saying i was probably flirting with all the guys i was talking to and i told him that i wasnt. and he was mentioning about this guy that likes me, and he was bringing up about the comments he left me and the comments said that he couldnt help but flirting with me and my ex was like "and youre telling me, you dont flirt with him, that comment gives it away"..and i was telling him that i dont flirt with anyone. my ex seems REALLY annoyed with the fact that this other dude liked me. and he kept calling my friend my boyfriend and stuff. i was confused on why he was acting to jealous and annoyed, esp if he says he doesnt have any feelings for me. well i kept telling him it seemed like it bothered him and he kept telling me that it didnt. honestly, that seems like something a person would only do if they really liked a person and was jealous someone was trying to take them

 

it seems to me that, he doesnt wanna date me right now but doesnt want anyone else trying for me. i am confused on that. well i just want to know if i should try talking to him about it or what. because he acts like he likes me, but then says he doesnt. i know he has to feel something but idk how to get that out of him.

 

 

i know that he was abusive and all of that. that Ive decided that im willing to risk that happening again. i do want to be with him again and start over because i do think things would be better. because we can actually hang out without having any problems and i think that's a big step. i just, dont know what to do about anything. he confuses me all the time by things he does and by things he says. what he does completely contradicts how he says he feels..

 

i would really appreciate some advice on what i should do or say to him

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He says he doesn't want a girlfriend and he doesn't have feelings for you, yet he gets jealous and makes rude remarks. This guy is incredibly immature. He says doesn't want you, but sometimes acts like he does, and then makes up things about you and other guys...

 

You need to get rid of this guy for real. Don't interpret his jealousy as him liking you... It's like those kids that aren't playing with their toy, but when some other kid wants to use it they suddenly get all possessive of it. It seems like you want him to care more than he does, and that desire makes you see things out of perspective.

 

Just ask yourself if this type of contradictory behavior is something you want to be regular in a relationship... as well as the possibility of things going back to the way they were before. Things tend to look better from the outside, especially when our emotions interfere with our reasoning.

 

You should look for a guy who is willing to treat you well and who isn't the slightest bit confused about whether he wants to be with you or not. Don't settle.

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It's none of his business if you're flirting with someone. Remember, he says he doesn't have any feelings for you and doesn't want a girlfriend. These are his words, you need to listen to them.

 

"I know he was abusive and all that" but you're willing to take a risk on him again. I don't understand?????? Why are you settling and putting yourself in a dangerous situation?? Is that love?

 

As the earlier poster stated-I agree with all of the resonse-you deserve better

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yeah i understand what youre saying. so do you think that he is just being immature about it and doesnt have any feelings for me? like he is known for saying things he doesnt mean, so he could just be saying he doesnt like me, but i really dont know. hes never done this sort of thing before and we've been broken up for two months. im just really confused. and we are supposed to go to the movies tomorrow tonight, so should i try talking to him about it or what?

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I think he may have feelings for you... but that doesn't mean he's right for you. Do you know what I mean? You can care deeply for someone and still be totally wrong for them. This guy seems like he's got some issues of his own to deal with, and that he wouldn't be a good boyfriend. He's making wild accusations and even if he's not being outwardly abusive verbally, that doesn't mean he won't go back into that behavior once you two were together again.

 

You really truly should try to get some distance from this guy and keep your eyes open for a guy who will not make you guess and not make you work so hard to try and figure out whether he is a decent person or not. You'll be amazed at how nice it is to find someone who treats you with respect and is straight up with you.

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youre exactly right. i mean, even if he does have feelings i dont know if i would even give him that chance again to start being abusive. well today he said something that he used to before, and it kinda set me off. i thought that he was done acting how he used to, but turns out that he still has it inside him, and for some reason i still bring it out. and were not even dating.

 

i do want to eventually find a guy who will accept for me how i am and who will never make me guess on how they feel. but itll be hard letting go of this guy first. i was with him for a year and a half and he was my first love, so it might take some time. im looking forward to being happy for once.

 

but sometimes i just wish he could be that guy for me. but i doubt he would even do that for me. i mean he hardly does anything for me now, so i dont expect much.

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Yeah i hear you. I was totally in love with a girl (3.5 years together) who was wrong for me. No matter how much I tried to convince myself that she wasn't right, I couldn't ignore that I was deeply in love with her. In the end, I had to put a lot of distance between us and go NC. I haven't spoken to her in 4 years and it's definitely been for the better.

 

Letting go of someone like this is rough at first, but when you get out there and see that there are really wonderful people who will give you what you really need, you'll look back later and wonder what you were thinking.

 

well today he said something that he used to before, and it kinda set me off. i thought that he was done acting how he used to, but turns out that he still has it inside him, and for some reason i still bring it out. and were not even dating.

 

I know exactly what you mean here too. The same thing happened with my ex and it was a real eye-opener. No matter how much you hope that someone has changed, it doesn't make it any more true.

 

Best of luck finding your next love.

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