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After the love has gone...How long to find another?


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Well I am just reaching a full year since my ex wanted out.It has been a very mixed year and one I never want to experience again.I sunk to the lowest lows had a couple of decent times but generally have had a hard time getting over my ex.I found the last week deeply depressing too.I suppose knowing it's going to be a year very soon,has woken me up to any false hopes I may have subconsciously had that she would come back to me.

 

Anyway I haven't come close to meeting anyone I could be remotely interested in,in the past year.I have had a few encounters but none of them meant anything to me.I know it's unlikely I'll meet anyone until I am over my ex,but I'd love to meet someone who could help me move on from my ex and allow me to be in a position to give my heart away again.

 

Have any of you found your situation similar to mine or have you been lucky enough to meet someone special so soon after your break up? Have they helped you not only get over your ex,but forget about him/her,or see him/her for what they are,a flawed person,no better than we are?

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I'm in a similar situation right now. I broke up with my ex about 10 months ago, & I've dated here & there, but I somehow find myself thinking about him all the time. Sometimes we establish connections with people--whether good or bad--that we feel forever. Once you meet someone new with potential, she will definitely help get your ex off your mind. I've accepted the fact that I'll never get over my ex & that he'll always have a part of my heart, but I've also accepted that some things just don't work out & they need to be put in your past.

 

Just be strong & don't allow yourself to think about her too much. The minute you find yourself thinking about her, shake it out. Don't ponder on it. I'm not sure why you guys aren't together anymore--but it didn't work out for a reason, so you need to let go. Until you don't let her go, you won't allow yourself to let anyone else in.

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Every situation is different. I have found someone a few months later to a couple to a few years later. It all depends on timing, some time the timing is short sometimes long. I have found that if I am not over an ex completely before I move on to someone else I just keep comparing the last one to the new one and it screws up things on every different level. I don't believe in rebounds, I tend to get hurt more than rebounding.

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I know it's unlikely I'll meet anyone until I am over my ex,but I'd love to meet someone who could help me move on from my ex and allow me to be in a position to give my heart away again.

 

Have they helped you not only get over your ex,but forget about him/her,or see him/her for what they are,a flawed person,no better than we are?

 

I'm sorry you're hurting. But I think the logic in this is inherently flawed. No one ever helps you move on. If you're not healed from your relationship, finding someone new only buries those unhealed wounds. They WILL surface, either within your new relationship or right after it ends.

 

I wish it would be easy, but it's not. You simply cannot be YOU and fully into a new relationship if you're not over your X. A new person may be exciting and seem to help, but deep down, it doesn't.

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Pixel,you are sooo right and I know why I am still not interested in finding another.I am not trying to hold onto the past either,but it's just the fact of the matter that I am still healing.I have been in total NC and I have respected her wishes,so I am not holding out for her,just healing.

I am so pleased you posted here,cos what you say holds so much truth.

 

 

Thanks!!

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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