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2 years ago tonight changed my life


npc24
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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i just felt the need to write that 2 years ago tonight we went on our first date...one that changed my life for the year following. We have been broken up for over a year now, it all got so ugly, so hard, you hurt me so badly. Last year on this night i cried and put all of your wonderful things in a box.

I wish those things still represented us.

I wonder if you remember tonight too, even if just for a moment. I didnt think about you all day until this very moment...will i pop in your head too?

for those of you that have read my story you know how much i've struggled, and life has gotten so much better since, but do you think he still thinks of me when we pass eachother in a bar and dont say hello, or on a night like tonight...one that forever changed my life.

i love you still and despite.

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i suppose maybe he does, but we run into eachother all the time and he just stares and never says hello or allows me too. he left me, and im ready to let the bigons happen, for my own sanity but for some reason he cant seem to, and i dont know why.

maybe some people just choose to hate the ones they once loved, even when the ones they hurt would never hurt them.

thanks for all the nice words. i suppose only time will tell what the future holds for me and him or me and someone else.

i guess its pathetic to even think about it this far into the break, but i just want he and i to be happy separately....if we werent meant to be together.

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i suppose not, but the tough thing i still see him and for some reason we cant seem to just say hello.

i mean i can, but when he cant it just gets me thinking why? after all this time why cant we start to mend the fences and just be civil. im ready im willing.

he is still just staring and saying nothing.

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i've tried to say hello before, once or twice, when he was alone, it was just a quick hello and he said hi back, but there just feels to be so much tension or hatred from him.

I dont know that id know where to begin. The problem is the people he is spending time with. They are always giving me the cold hard stare and he seems to feel the need to stare at me, but then its as if hes doing it with some level of disdain. So hard to read. he might assume i dislike him, he did say at one point he wanted me to so that i could get past us, but its been long enough, and i just feel like somewhere he must have some feelings, not romantic, but certainly something, if he cant seem to acknowledge me at all. If i look at him, he looks away, and then when i am not looking hes just stares at me.

Its so silly really, but its such a source of personal stress.

I guess maybe hes not ready either? i mean if its not just hate for me like everyone is saying, and hes moved on, then what could it possibly be? he was such a sweet guy when we were together, and now its as if hes just evil, or has made himself believe i am.

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