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a good friend and the dreaded mixed messages


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I met this one girl 2 years ago when I worked with her for a summer at a camp. Now, she attends the college I go to and we've been spending some time as friends hanging out. She's a great girl and I find it amazing how she can tell me anything that's on her mind.


I completely have feelings for this girl, but I am afraid that if I mention something I will make it awkward and loose her as a friend. I'd rather have her as a friend then not at all. But, she's been sending me all sorts of mixed messages. They confuse the crap out of me because I can't say I am the champion of reading girls. She'd mention things about being single and how it sucks that everyone around her is seeing someone, then mention that we're both single or something. I can't explain them all, but there are quite a few.


I know I have to talk to her about it, but I really don't know what to say or how to go about doing it. So, if you have any ideas, please post here or shoot me an email. email removed





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Hi dec0de,


Thank you for posting to eNotalone.com and sharing your questions with us. I hope that my suggestion will be helpful for you.


I would suggest to take your friendship to a next level. It might be a good idea to ask her out to do something casual, like going to see a movie together or go bowling. The next date you could take her for lunch... the next up to dinner... and eventually may be candlelight dinner. I think that will build your confidence, too and when you made it to candlelight dinner, you might express your feelings towards her. I think by then she'd have some clues about you.


Good luck!!


~ SwingFox ~

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I have the same trouble reading females. But I've found out the hard way its better to find out and do something vs. doing nothing and risking losing her. She may want you to ask her out and she will misread your hesitancy as non-interest. I'd suggest two options: 1) ask her out on a casual date...make it low pressure, something like a movie and something to eat (or whatever else she really enjoys), then when you go to start your "date" show a little romance, like bring her a small boquet of flowers, or a small gift (jewelry, item, etc.). You'll tell a lot by her reaction. Try holding her hand, etc., but don't push it. She'll let you know if your intent is welcome!

Or 2) Just ask her. I had to the exact same thing. Start by telling her friendship means very much to you, and you don't want to jeopardize it...but that you wouldn't mind if your friendship grows into something stronger.

Remember the best relationships start as friendships. If she want the same, you'll have a great time. If she doesn't want to go beyond being friends, then cherish her friendship, and keep looking. Maybe she'll have a friend you'll like better.

Tell us how it turns out. Best of luck!

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Hi Decode,


She'd mention things about being single and how it sucks that everyone around her is seeing someone, then mention that we're both single or something. I can't explain them all, but there are quite a few.


That line alone is enough to signal that she is waiting for you to make the first move. If she is not remotely interested, she won't make a remark like that so carelessly. So take courage and ask her out! No one is gonna win the chess game unless someone makes the first move here.


Hope to hear ya go "Checkmate" soon!

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