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Talking a lot to a woman does NOT mean they are into you.


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Something I want to clarify. When somebody wants to talk to you a lot, even as much as eight hours a night, or texts you a lot, or can enjoy talking to you for hours and hours on end, it does NOT, and I want to repeat that, NOT mean they are into you.

 

I talk to many female friends a lot. I know a lot of girls who will even talk to their friends about how much they never get tired of talking to me. I know women who have texted me a quazillion times a day.

 

It means they like talking to you, period. Doesn't mean there is chemistry there EVEN if they are physically attracted to you.

 

In fact, if you talk to somebody hours on end, and they really enjoy talking to you, and find you good looking, I have found that at least in the case of dealing with straight women, they often look at you as nothing more than a sexless 'gay' guy. By virtue of being such a good conversationalist and so interesting, you 'often' become something that is utterly sexually worthless in their eyes if you are 'that' available to talk to them all the time.

 

 

 

Which is why I don't give that much to straight women anymore whom I am attracted to UNLESS I am sleeping with them.

 

 

I have found that the stronger I connect with many women whom know I am interested in them after a very brief window of opportunity, the more inferior they find me as a potential sexual companion even if they seem to find me physically attractive because they have invested a lot into already forming a platonic connection that they can depend on.

 

And this means double for those women who are emotionally fragile.

 

Agree, disagree? I believe this quite strongly.

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sounds like you have been a doormat several times before.

and now you resent it.

so, logically you have become the complete opposite and now you are.... jaded?

thats fairly common and ENA has seen it many times before.

yeah. i think if a woman is giving you THAT many green lights and you keep stopping at everyone of them because you are somewhat blind then yes, women tend to see you less as a man and more as some guy with low-self esteem that can't take a hint. Or someone who just isnt really interested in them.

Cold hard fact of life is that they usually wont be the ones to make a move if all they know how to do is be subtle. The proverbial boulder on the edge of a cliff always needs a little push.

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Well, if you're being friendly with all these women for the lone reason of someday bedding them then that's on you. You can't just feign friendship all the time just so you can get your rocks off later. That's disingenuous. It's not like these women are "using you for your friendship", which is how you're taking it. They are being a friend to you. It's entirely up to you whether you accept their friendship or not.

 

And what is your problem with female, platonic friends to begin with? Why is their friendship worth less to you then a male's friendship? Why do you have to be banging them for it to be ok? Do you feel emasculated?

 

Also, attractive women have something that most of your male friends don't have. They quite often have attractive female friends. Getting a good word from a female friend is relationship gold. Don't sleep on that.

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eques Nope, you're wrong about that one. Nice try though. Now anything intelligent to say about the post itself?

 

And it actually isn't jaded at all.

 

You just straight up called EQ's post unintelligent simply because she didn't agree with you. Care to come up with a more intelligent rebuttal?

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Jesus, is anybody understanding the post.

 

 

And what is your problem with female, platonic friends to begin with?--

 

none over 50% of my friends are female and although many are attractive, none of them are people I want to sleep with.

 

Why is their friendship worth less to you then a male's friendship? --

 

It isn't, unless they are people I want to sleep with. I don't become just friends with women i want to sleep with.

 

Why do you have to be banging them for it to be ok? Do you feel emasculated?--

 

 

Umm, I don't. I never said that if you would reread the post. I am against forming friendships to have sex with anybody, as the post directly suggests.

 

Also, attractive women have something that most of your male friends don't have. They quite often have attractive female friends.--

 

Agreed.

 

Getting a good word from a female friend is relationship gold. Don't sleep on that.--

 

again, agreed.

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eques Nope, you're wrong about that one. Nice try though. Now anything intelligent to say about the post itself?

 

And it actually isn't jaded at all.

 

*cough cough*

you are in denial or you didnt write your post very well. read it again. i did.

 

its the classic

"yeah the more i am JUST FRIENDS with this girl the more these girls just want to be JUST FRIENDS with me! What * * * * s!"

 

yeah.. thats pretty much all you said. you despise women because you found out you never really get anywhere playing the 'just friends' game. and i agree with what jetti said.. as always.

 

If people keep responding to you in the same way then maybe its time you stopped looking 'out' at them and start looking 'in' at yourself.

 

food for thought.

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"yeah the more i am JUST FRIENDS with this girl the more these girls just want to be JUST FRIENDS with me! What * * * * s!"

 

--

 

Whether I am talking personal experience, or even reading the questions and woes of guys on here, if you make a woman think you just want friendship, it increases the odds that is all she wants from you.

 

 

 

cough cough*

you are in denial or you didnt write your post very well. read it again. i did.

---

 

 

Or else you find something offensive about my post, most likely because you don't understand it, and thereforee you are throwing darts blindfolded to try and "offend" me because you yourself were offended. Tsk, tsk, tak.

 

yeah.. thats pretty much all you said. you despise women because you found out you never really get anywhere playing the 'just friends' game. and i agree with what jetti said.. as always.

--

 

I despise women? I love women...well some of them anyways. I said that where?

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"I have found that the stronger I connect with many women whom know I am interested in them

>>How did you know they knew??? @_@

 

after a very brief window of opportunity, the more inferior they find me as a potential sexual companion

 

>>How did you come to that conclusion??

 

even if they seem to find me physically attractive because they ((and you!)) have invested a lot into already forming a platonic connection that they can depend on."

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Oh my word, My.Advice! What you say is so true! I've got a long standing male friend (about 15 years) whose been around me through my two long term relationships and one brief fling. We were once incredible close (I seem to get closer to him everytime I have a relationship breakdown). He did declare his interest in me when my marriage broke down, which came as a shock - but I can't view him as anything other than a close friend. I simply have no passion for him, though he has been able to attract women in their droves. Ironically, I did fantasize about him briefly in the very beginning, but that swiftly passed. Now he is firmly entrenched in the "Friendzone".

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How did you know they knew??? @_@

 

---

Cuz I told em eventually or flirted with them. I am pretty straight forward about what I want. It works far better when I am not friends with them first.

 

Yes, I invested to, so?

 

 

Now why did you find my post so jaded and mysogynistic again?

 

 

How did you come to that conclusion??

 

---

 

experience, both mine and talking to other people in the dating game over a period of years while studying dating experts.

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HNR

 

And though he is in the friend zone, and though he might have made an excellent mate, circumstance played a part that put him there, and that doesn't of course mean any less of you. (though I am still trying to figure out how my argument suggests mysogyny to begin with.)

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oh.. i like how you use the word 'eventually' and the phrase 'im pretty straightforward' in the same breath of a sentence..

tell me... how straightforward were you again?

i actually agree.

You should never try to be friends with a girl first, its possibly the best thing a man can do to ruin his chances.

 

And as i recall i didnt technically say 'mysogynistic'

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but my point is you cant call yourself a potato and get bumfuzzled at a woman who wont call you a rock.

most men make this mistake. you yourself suggest that you have made this very same mistake as well.. and have learned from it. But i'm not so sure that you are entirely 'ok' with that past lesson because of the words you used to describe what you think that they thought of you. your post bleeds with cynicism.

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Oh my word, My.Advice! What you say is so true! I've got a long standing male friend (about 15 years) whose been around me through my two long term relationships and one brief fling. We were once incredible close (I seem to get closer to him everytime I have a relationship breakdown). He did declare his interest in me when my marriage broke down, which came as a shock - but I can't view him as anything other than a close friend. I simply have no passion for him, though he has been able to attract women in their droves. Ironically, I did fantasize about him briefly in the very beginning, but that swiftly passed. Now he is firmly entrenched in the "Friendzone".

 

This works both ways. I have women friends, many of them, who I have no interest in sleeping with. I may have found them sexually attractive at first, but I'm just no longer interested in them in that way. People lose passion for friends as lovers the same way they lose passion for lovers as lovers.

 

Add enough time, enough familiarity, enough comfort, and passion tends to die. Passion requires a sense of feeling off-balance. If you're perfectly on balance then there is no passion. There might be love, but there is no passion. And of course, close friendship requires a sense of balance to function. So, if you've been spending time balancing a friendship with someone, then as a consequence, you've also been spending time destroying the potential for a romantic relationship most of the time.

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And as i recall i didnt technically say 'mysogynistic'

 

---you despise women because you found out you never really get anywhere playing the 'just friends' game. and i agree with what jetti said.. as always.---

 

 

That would be construed rationally as saying I am mysogynistic. I don't despise anybody who has put me in the friendszone in the past either, at least not for that specifically. Now if somebody actually wrongs me, that is different.

 

 

 

--oh.. i like how you use the word 'eventually' and the phrase 'im pretty straightforward' in the same breath of a sentence..

tell me... how straightforward were you again?--

 

I told them I was attracted to them when either 1. they become more available such as in the case of one who didn't want to date anybody or any who were involved with somebody since I am not interested in hitting on a taken woman

 

2. In some cases I grow attracted to people who I was not sure I was into to begin with but realized their potential as a gf AFTER getting to know them better.

 

 

 

---

 

 

You should never try to be friends with a girl first, its possibly the best thing a man can do to ruin his chances.

---

 

Okay, so what do you disagree with specifically?

 

Talking to a girl every night before you are in a relationship or not sure if they are into you is a good way to push yourself in that direction.

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Something I want to clarify. When somebody wants to talk to you a lot, even as much as eight hours a night, or texts you a lot, or can enjoy talking to you for hours and hours on end, it does NOT, and I want to repeat that, NOT mean they are into you.

 

I talk to many female friends a lot. I know a lot of girls who will even talk to their friends about how much they never get tired of talking to me. I know women who have texted me a quazillion times a day.

 

It means they like talking to you, period. Doesn't mean there is chemistry there EVEN if they are physically attracted to you.

 

I agree, in my experience many guys read way into any sort of attention given to them. And honestly, the more 'available' a guy is via aim, text, myspace & what have you, the less interesting i find him. I also assume hes 'talking/texting' other girls just as much, if i think theres not much of a connection present. My current bf is never on the computer, and refuses to use his phone for anything except talking cause he missed the computer/texting generation thank goodness...

 

but 8 hours on the phone..? id better consider ANYone i did that for a BEST friend. I hate the phone for conversation...

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but my point is you cant call yourself a potato and get bumfuzzled at a woman who wont call you a rock.

most men make this mistake. you yourself suggest that you have made this very same mistake as well.. and have learned from it. But i'm not so sure that you are entirely 'ok' with that past lesson because of the words you used to describe what you think that they thought of you. your post bleeds with cynicism.

---

 

 

I never claimed to not be a cynic. My cynicism extends way beyond dating into politics, religion, metaphysics, and practically every other institution. So what? Cynicism can be a virtue.

I despise social and behavior patterns that exist and openly admit so and yes I wish both sexes could be just friends first so that they know from the beginning who they are getting involved with, but that isn't relevant since the only thing that matters is am I right or not.

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Well, My.Advice, he declaration was rather awkward, clumsy and inappropriate at the time (as I was still in the death throes of my marriage) and my fantasies about him had long ceased (I guess that would have been one window of opportunity - however immoral!)

 

Also, there was a recent window open in the aftermath of my latest break-up, but now you're right: I need him as dependable emotional support in times of crisis. I know, it sounds terrible, but it's true!

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I have no idea. I lost my train of thought.

its good to see you learned a lesson though.

but i would revise your initial thesis to include more about what impact the males actions have on a females decision to think he is a penisless 'gay' guy.

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Add enough time, enough familiarity, enough comfort, and passion tends to die. Passion requires a sense of feeling off-balance. If you're perfectly on balance then there is no passion. There might be love, but there is no passion. And of course, close friendship requires a sense of balance to function. So, if you've been spending time balancing a friendship with someone, then as a consequence, you've also been spending time destroying the potential for a romantic relationship most of the time.

---

 

 

That depends. I can become very attracted to a female friend who is always available. However, when you are always available you have violated the law of scarcity. People usually spend time thinking about the good qualities of what isn't around or so well known.

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