Why Does Everything I Work For, Fall Apart Again....

[Eket]

(Not sure if this is the right forum, but this is where it all ends up with...)

 

As usual everything(this is the 3rd time i've been in this position...) just seems to fall apart for me again, in the past 2 years i told myself to work things out and get my life going again. I lost some things and gained some as usual the way things go before all falls apart again.

 

A lot of effort went into gaining new friends and a girlfriend even, i gained all of them. And then after all the effort i put into both she breaks up with me(luckily i got over this pretty much thanks to help i got before) but not only that all the friends i had made just slowly seemed to back away from me during the time i needed them most(Like that hasn't happened before...*sigh*) So now i found myself not having any friends again and having to go on an internship period for my education, needless to say it didn't go very well and at the end of it i only scored mediocre to find myself back in school afterwards where they had split up our groups into other groups so i'm pretty in a class filled with strangers to me....

 

That wasn't the worst thing however, that would be me being in physical and mental pain for the last 7 months, the physical pain goes all around my body all my muscles, joints all just hurt so much and i've been going through tests for them and it turns out because of this i might not even be able to continue my future as an IT Manager and i have no other idea of what to do because that was about the only thing i was good at... I can't even do anything either i'd come home from work or school and all i could do was lie down because everything just hurted so much, the pain i could perhaps live with if i was still able to do thing i like to do, but i can't... because it just makes things so much worse(yes even typing this...) and on top of that i sprained my ankle and this morning even my neck, this is truly sick... how can one hurt so much... and for this long already...

 

Lately my mind has been tormented by this too, all that lieing down gives you a lot of time to think. And i don't think that did much good for me... thinking about not having friends, no girlfriend anymore and not being able to get one because they just turn away now probably because i'm feeling like this, thinking about my future and what to do, why i'm hurting this much...

sigh i'm crying now... i can't stand this anymore.... i wish my life would just end....I don't want to feel this much pain anymore....

[neva_black_n_white]

hey eket.

sorry to hear your feeling like this for the third time, im guessing that doesnt eactly help things out when everyone assumes things are for the better third time round. i can understand your situation and the aspect of being left too much to think, i hate it when its like that. i try to prevent it but i cant even help with giving you options because your in too much pain to do things.

 

when you say youve been put into a new class that is mixed with strangers, cant you use this to your advantage, because wouldnt it be that your not the onlt one in there who is a stranger to everyone else, this could be your prime open oppotunity to actually gaining a new social group, i know you dont feel like it because of all this pain but think of it this way, if the pain can be healed then you wil also have a new set of friends as well at the end of this.

 

have you tried physiotherapy? i know my father went through a period where he was in immense pain for his spinal cords and back and yes it resulted in minor surgery with great outcome and physiotherapy really does help, and it could relax you.

 

was IT always something that you wanted to go into or was it because you could do it? i believe that if you truly want this, you wont think of ending it, because there has to be a solution right? its only a possibility what people are saying about you not being able to do it, i could look for other things in IT you could do if you wanted me to?

ive stood in your shoes, i took a day to look at things and man did hat day look bad, everything and anything seemed bad andwell i wanted to end it, boy did i try, i learnt that cars had breaks and that my own emotions were something i had to control. but it happens, life seems like it couldnt get worse, and it does, but then there has to be some good. to me suicide is something that depresses me when i think of it, maybe because i couldnt do it or id find away that would ensure id be alive at the end of it which really contradicts the process. but you really need to think if this is what you truly want or its just the answer that you can find at the moment.

 

every question and situation has more than one answer!

if you want to talk im here *smiles*

kel

[Eket]

Well I do know better then to judge the new people in my class from the way they look, but when i see them they are just not my kind of people that i enjoy hanging out with. Smoking, Drinking, Acting all tough and cool around people, gawd it makes me so sick just watching that behaviour because i know sooner or later i would just get in trouble with em. Cause they tend to pick on those that don't hang with em, needless to say i'm not the kind of person you can do that too and get away with it.... and that has in fact gotten me in trouble many many times in the past....

 

I've had Physio, and other treatments for it, didn't help. And i just did IT because i could do it, put me in front of a computer and i'll fix nearly any problem you have with it, that's how most know me... i just know my way around with em. And my lifelong dream was to create videogames and such, programming, graphic design all that sorta stuff that comes with it, this is also needed for movies you see today. But with what i have i just can't do those things.. if it does turn out i have that, but what else could it possibly be, they've searched for everything else... plus i believe i have it myself... as i said my future is falling apart, all that kept me going even when i didn't have friends or anything more then that. I just didn't care as much at least i had a goal a dream to accomplish... now how am i supposed to...