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Healing, keeping feelings in check.


Odysseus

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I'm not sure how people are going to take this, but what the hell...

So here's the deal. I'm newly separated (two weeks), after an emotional disconnection with my wife for along time. Little or no lovemaking for quite a while...and none in the last two years.

I have the self discipline to not just jump into a relationship right now. ..plenty of other things to occupy my time (my kids, myself, etc.), but there you have it. I miss very much the emotional connection to a woman, and that is not weeks old...it's years old. I'm not needy, but it feels so good to share time that way...and my physical passion is coupled tightly with this.

So...give me some ideas on dealing with this. I like having female friends, but keeping it that way is challenging. I don't like walling off feelings this way, but feel it's necessary as I heal from the breakup of my marriage and focus on my kids. I think I'm just not used to being out there (duh!) after my 18 year marriage and don't want to shoot myself in the foot by doing anything impulsive. Am I thinking to hard about this?

I'm taking guitar lessons for a musical outlet...love music. Getting into some group activities to take my mind off this. Running helps. Cold showers maybe.

 

-O

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if you think you should take time to heal and straighten things out then do so.

 

personally i would take sometime and just focus on me/kids/life for a while... say 3 months... before i would look for any type of connection with someone, even if i was yearning for something.

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I agree with the above poster... if you feel you need to take time to heal, then you do. Of course you want that kind of connection with someone, especially after having someone to come home to (no matter how great or terrible it was) for 18 years. It's the norm for you. My advice? Try creating deeper relationships with other people in your life - your family (brothers, sisters, parents), your friends (guy friends). You can have satisfying relationships that are completely platonic and have no possibility of becoming anything more. You need adult interaction so while it's great you want to focus on your children (and you definitely should), you also need adult time. Because one day you children will grow up and go have lives of their own... you need a life of your own too.

 

Best of luck to you!

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It sounds as if you are taking your time to get things right...high marks to you for that. A lot of guys leave their kids in the lurch, and go looking for some "strange."

That NEVER works out...my new Mommy is a stripper! LOL!

Good you have a head on your shoulders, mate!

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It sounds as if you are taking your time to get things right...high marks to you for that. A lot of guys leave their kids in the lurch, and go looking for some "strange."

That NEVER works out...my new Mommy is a stripper! LOL!

Good you have a head on your shoulders, mate!

 

I've got a lot of work to do just setting up a home for my children. My other interests will keep me busy. Reconnecting with friends I had struggled to maintain relationships with will fill other holes.

 

To tell the truth...I don't know when I'll ever be able date someone seriously again. I hope it will happen, but rebuilding my sense of boundaries, after having them run over throughout my marriage, is a personal journey. In a way...I have too much respect for myself to do this right now. And how fair is it to someone I bring into my life while I'm rebuilding? Not my style.

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Good for you! Ive been going out with a guy for a couple of months who had just gotten out of a marriage 2 months before, although it had been over for years are were "together" for the children.

 

He has recently told me that he cant think of us as long term but loves what we have - see each other a couple of times a week, go out on dates and I stay over etc.

 

I love what we have and right now its enough, but in a way I wish he'd waited till we got invloved as I have a lot of feelings for him already and know its gonna end in tears!!

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Good for you! Ive been going out with a guy for a couple of months who had just gotten out of a marriage 2 months before, although it had been over for years are were "together" for the children.

 

He has recently told me that he cant think of us as long term but loves what we have - see each other a couple of times a week, go out on dates and I stay over etc.

 

I love what we have and right now its enough, but in a way I wish he'd waited till we got invloved as I have a lot of feelings for him already and know its gonna end in tears!!

There ya go.

So hard to not connect with someone without letting feelings come out...grow. I'm glad your relationship with him is going well. We all have to learn to live in the moment.

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