he thinks that I still have feelings for my ex

[jgryl05]

I have been trying to get over my ex-boyfriend for a long while and I finally got up enough courage to tell my boyfriend about why my ex and I really broke up. Though it was a big deal to me because I never told anyone about him, my boyfriend tried to make it seem like it wasnt a big deal. I wasnt really sure to feel better or worst about it. My boyfriend and I have been having problems cus he thinks that I still have feelings for my ex though I did for some time but have been trying really hard to let them go and be totally committed to my boyfriend. I broke up with him earlier this week because the communication between us seemed really bad and whenever I tried to talk to him about things he always claimed like he had nothing to say. I totally broke down expressing all my feelings about us and my past and he said absolutely nothing which kind of gave me the impression that he didnt care. He said that he did but when we came to school he acts like the fact that we broke up didnt bother him at all. He just acting happy and practically flirting with girls in front of me. We talked later and I told him that breaking up wasnt really what I wanted because he is really the only true friend that I have and I couldnt stand being at school and him acting the way he does. I dont if it is jealously that I have cus I hate when he talks to other girls. I try to have trust but it just seems like he is either flirting or girls are trying to flirt with him. He says that he is a friendly person and outgoing which I totally respect and I dont want him to change who he is but I just dont like any kind of touching going on like playing around. Mainly because if that is the kind of stuff we do so if he does with another girl I get the feeeling that he like them too. He tells me that he never wanted break up in the first place and doesnt want anyone else. I just find it hard to believe at times when I sit in class with no one talk to and he goes around talking just about everyone but me and when I ask him to come and talk to me, I get the vibe like I'm bothering him. Ive tried talking to him about it but he just becomes so defensive and claims that he is not doing anything wrong. I sometimes think that it is me overeacting and making a big deal out of not or am I? It all if stressful and it seems like I'm the only one putting too much of myslef into this and setting myself to get hurt. What should I do?

[fightthisfeeling]

hey dear dont give up. The only reason he acts the way he does is becasue he doesnt want to show u how hurt he is. he covers it up. I know this becasue im just like him. instead of letting it all out i just pile over it like a waste dump. u just layer over it. if you can get him alone and tell him this is what you know heel admit it. And if he doesnt watch his body language and itll totally show you how he feels. but breakinbg up was the wrong thing to do. you know thats not what you wanted. just get the point accross that you dont have feelings for your ex. My best friend laura had this exact problem. but her new boyfriend treated her better. her denial made her hold on to him although he treated her like less than dirt. If he treats you better you have to realaize that hes better than your ex. and not only admit it to him but to yourself. well thats all i can tell you

[sleepers]

I have to slightly disagree with the previous reply in that i read through and seen through my ex's actions but he just shut me off totally with his words. N he did say some pretty mean stuff to me. But sometimes, his actions show otherwise. Like he told me that perhaps we should keep a distance, there was one night when i met him, he was just so caring and started holding me etc.. and i asked him why he did so if staying as friends was all he wanted. His reply was just that, despite having broken up with me, he very much cares for me.

 

I was confused with all those actions. Once i shouted at him asking him to stop being in denial. And ask him to see the bigger picture, grow up etc.. But all he could say was that 'i know what i am doing'. N after this episode with him, i have given up totally on dating etc.

 

Right now, u just got to really figure out what he wants from doing this to you. If trying to make u feel jealous with all the flirting is what he wants and out of it he derives fun and thrill, tell him, 'get a life!' i have been through the jealousy state. Cos guys who knows what is going on wouldn't do such a crappy and childish thing.

 

Show him you are capable of moving on too. Heal your inner pains and move on - at least u r mature to do so.

 

Stop whatever games u guys are playing. If he doesn't want to talk about it when u sit him down to do so, forget it. It gets really tiring and weary after a while. I did that for 1 mth, now its into the 2nd mth. It is really tiring.. U will feel the same way after some time.

 

Find things to get urself occupied other than having thoughts of the guy. That way, u would have felt u lived life fully than feeling wasted.

 

GOod luck!

[jgryl05]

Well I have tired talking to boyfriend about how I feel about our relationship and how he acts sometimes. I dont want to keep secrets from him or not tell him whats is on my mind. Its just when I do he thinks something much different then what I mean to say. Im feeling really depressed about it all cus I want to make things better between us and get him to open up to me and actually like talking to me more than he does with other people. If I'm his girlfriend, shouldnt he like talking to me,because he talks to other girls and his guy friends than me and I feel really left out.

[sleepers]

I know what you mean and how you feel about this. You want to talk to him. You try your best to create a conversation, but he doesn't listen nor does he give you his attention. Right???

 

If you dare to take a risk, do what i do. DON TRY anymore. BUT dat doesn't mean you are going to give up totally. Its like 2 mths have passed since my ex and i fought and broke up. I tried to talk to him in the beginning phase, it didn't work. He got more agitated. Until in Jan, school started, things got a little better cos i was more occupied with school. BUt once i had to speak to him. He listened - very attentively. Hugged me and held me so close. BUt then aft that, i told myself, i need to be stronger. He knows i am there whenever he wants me to. I can't just break down all the time. That;s when i realized i need to keep a distant away frm him in order to fully recover. I started the total and absolute no contact rule.

 

he called me yesterday. Unbelievable. But the first thing he told me, ' I am feeling uneasy right now, can i pick a quarrel with you?' Well, weird eh? but for the both of us, if we don't feel good, we pick a fight, and both feel better after that.

 

He seemed better when i got to his place since i needed to ask him school work. Things went very well. but i am still holding reservations and definitely taking a back seat to observe his change in attitude all of a sudden. i remembered scolding him on the phone 4 days ago to ask him to be more mature and look at things in a bigger perspective. 4 days later, he calls me. With a change in attitude and became the person i was with before.

 

Still trying to accept this entire matter. Wish me luck. And i wish you luck with my advices too if you do intend to work on it.