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In a Really Bad Place Today...


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I sent an email to my ex on Sunday. It was cute and probably said some things I shouldn't have said (I miss you, telling her what I've been up to, etc.), but I just wanted to do it. Unexpectedly, I got a text from her yesterday saying that she got the email, that it made her day, and that she'd like to see a counselor together.

 

SHOCKED. It sounded like a big step. So I call her today and ask her what days she is free. She tells me and I start looking into making an appointment. Since we hadn't really had much contact over the last 6 weeks, I decided that jumping straight into therapy before we talked on our own might put a little too much pressure on her. I tell her that we should get together one afternoon just to walk and talk and make sure we have the same expectations. She agrees and says that we shouldn't make a big deal out of it to other people.

 

30 minutes later, she calls me back. We talk like normal for a few minutes and then things get deep. She tells me that talking to me, or anyone else for that matter, about us is just making her frustrated. She reiterates how I took her for granted when we were together. Tells me that she was once very committed to me and ready to spend the rest of her life with me, and that now she doesn't know if she'll ever feel that again for me. I tell her that I am committed. She tells me that she took a big step in breaking up with me, and that this is all happening too soon. She still wants space. She hasn't been single in college before and she is dating other people.

 

OF COURSE, I break down and start crying. I tell her that she is the most important thing that ever happened to me and that I am living everyday with the fact that I treated her the way I did. I tell her that I have learned the most valuable lesson of my life. She tells me that I am beating myself up about it to much. I tell her EVERYTHING I can think of to help her realize that I am serious, seeing a therapist to work through the issues I had, etc. She tells me that as much work as I'm putting in now, she was doing it a year ago and I was giving her nothing in return.

 

She tells me again that she needs space and that she doesn't know if she'll ever feel committed to me again.

 

I have never cried so much in my adult life! Not once since the break-up! This is the first time I actually broke down, I assume because I thought she was honestly beginning to come around. What now?!?! I'm a complete wreck!!

 

Someone please help me out!! I've never hurt like this before, even immediately after the break-up!

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In my opinion she seems to be confused & still hurt from the breakup. On 1 hand I really believe she still loves you but on the other, she's hesitant to believe it'll work out this time from whatever the breakup stemmed from...& you seem to realize ur mistakes in the past, which is a great thing..even if you guys dont reconcile you can take what you learned from this relationship & learn from your mistakes...I also think you should start going out yourself & keep busy & having FUN, if not, ur gonna drive urself crazy...Good luck!

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Hi livingitup

 

I really think she's confused. She wants to try it again, otherwise she won't tell you to go together to a counselor. Unless she's a really mean person, which I think she's not.

30 minutes later, she cahnges her mind...obviously she started to recall what happened and got scared.

Tell her that you will respect her wishes, give her space and time to think about and let her know that you will be waiting.

 

M&M

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I'd also give her the space she needs, crowding or forcing the issue won't get you what you want. She's very conflicted about what to do. I tried seeing a therapist with my ex and it ended in disaster, because she was never 100% behind the idea. If both parties completely agree, then it's worth a try, as long as you both go in with an open mind. If she changes her mind a half hour later, she's scared to put her faith in you, and this again. Give her time, but not too much time. You deserve an answer, whether it be yes or that you should have closure, you deserve that.

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Hey again everyone...

 

I have never felt pain so real in my life. This is unbelievable. I have cried non-stop for hours. I never once got emotional after the break-up. 6 weeks and it all hits me today. This is the second time she's done this. If you look at my post history, she pops back up every 5 or 6 days after SHE asked for space. Every three weeks, she talks to me for several days straight, makes me think she's ready to try again, and then gets freaked out and disappears.

 

I know exactly what she's doing, it's obvious to everyone. She needs to find herself since she's a senior in college and life is about to hit her. At the same time, she doesn't want to lose me for good, so she keeps me at arms length. It's just not fair that she can't balance the two, although I tried and couldn't do it either (the reason she left initially). She wants to come back, or so I'm told, just not right now.

 

I've heard, "not just yet," "not right now," and "I don't know" so many times that it is unreal.

 

I guess that the reason I really broke down today is because I actually started to feel like I was letting her go (and that's a good thing). My therapist thinks, from her actions, that she'll be back eventually and that by then I'll have a tough decision to make.

 

Good luck to all...I never appreciated how much a difference a good long cry makes. It's such a release (I'm man enough to admit that), and I wish I'd done it sooner.

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