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I don't want to kill myself, but I don't want to live either


Mr.Zombie
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Honestly, this makes me so sad. I wish I could talk to you somehow. I don't think that you wasted my time at all with your "pathetic self-loathing nonsense". I know how you feel honestly. Everyone gets into some sort of low in their life. The hard part is getting out of that stage. It sucks because you don't want to kill yourself, but then at the same time, you wish you were non-existant. Maybe you should try go and talk to someone and maybe get involved in some extra activities. People are mean sometimes, but there are always people out there that i'm sure would love to be your friend. Look of the good things in life. Or if it's a nice day out, look at that as a good thing and then maybe go for a walk or jog. It takes a long time to die of a natural cause of your young and were originally healthy. And everyone says that you should just go sleep it off or somehow get your mind off of it, but I know that doesn't work. Everyday, you should try to write out some positives of the day and slowly, you could start to get a better outlook on life. Hang in there buddy, I know how you feel. You can do it!!

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  • 5 weeks later...
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why

i have the right to not want to be here anymore it doesnt mean i dont believe in God or that i need God to help me it just means im done its just not working for me anymore and since i cant take my own life i just want to be in the path of a stray bullet ... maybe this suicide by cop is worth a try in henderson they shoot first maybe thats why im here

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no you dont really care cause if you wwere right here with me you would do nothing and i would still be want to NOT be here

i have the right to not want to be here anymore it doesnt mean i dont believe in God or that i need God to help me it just means im done its just not working for me anymore and since i cant take my own life i just want to be in the path of a stray bullet ...

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i do believe in god and i believe that i should be done now its time to go but the bus just isnt coming i have always believed in GOD and ive not been abandoned by God i just rteally have no reason to be here taking up usable space

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the miracle cure is to be blessed with death and God hopefully will remember me today so this ewahtever so called life can be done now thats all

 

No the cure is getting out of your head. Isolating yourself from others and just continue to be in a routine of doubt and regret.

 

The only cure is to get a new perception of how the world is and what your place is in it.

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  • 10 months later...
  • 5 years later...
Thanks for the input, MoonSunStars. It's hard to explain really why I feel the way I do. I have ups and downs, certainly. Some days I feel okay. Other days, I would love nothing more than to cut my wrists open. I feel very hopeless about the future. I'm very pessimistic by nature. I'm so ineffectual and completely unable to change anything by myself. But I also see very little value in life. What's the point of busting your hump all the time just to keep on living? In my experience, there's not that much worth living for. The good things (and there certainly are many good things in life) are vastly outweighed by the bad. I'm not sure I'm able to survive 75% bad just to enjoy 25% good.

 

I've completely given up on romance. I have no hope of ever finding love. Sometimes I care, sometimes I don't. But it doesn't really matter, because I don't want to get married or have kids. So if I were to find the perfect woman, she'd probably leave as a result of my refusal to settle down. Where do you find a woman who doesn't want to marry or have kids? There are maybe 4 or 5 in the world. I would like to have companionship, though. I do get lonely a lot. I'm very sexually frustrated too. Way past sexual frustration in fact. I'm almost at sexual apathy. But I'm not the type to have casual sex. I'm not attractive. I can't just pick up a girl and get her into bed. I wouldn't want to even if I could. But I wouldn't want to pursue a relationship just so I could have sex either. So I think I'm pretty just cut out for a life of celibacy. I don't really mind it all that much. I was terrible at sex back when I had a girlfriend.

 

 

It's been ten years, so I'm sure a lot has changed for you. Hopefully you discovered that there's more than just straight or gay sexualities. You could be ace, or a form of ace. Also, there are tons of women who don't want kids and don't want to get married.

I'm currently feeling trapped in my life too. I get a panic attack when I think about the future, I fall into depression when I think about killing myself.

I don't know what im doing here. Posting on a 10 year old forum. On a website i've never been on nor will probably ever be on again.

I feel too immature to be alive. I want life to be fun, enjoyable, exciting, full of love, and I'm not getting that. I have a loving family, but they can only understand so much and be so much for me. Little to no friends. Trust issues. Want to be in love so bad.

It's like my body is throwing a temper tantrum. If I don't get what I want I'll kill myself. Ridiculous. I was a generally well behaved kid. I don't know why now I'm like this.

Probably because I'm feeling really ing alone. My best friend is a guy on the internet who I can't get closer to because we both know we're so far away from each other, going further than "internet friend" is a big no-no.

No one's going to read this, so I may as well just spill the beans here. I'm so ing alone that I have an imaginary boyfriend basically. It's this made up voice in my head that keeps trying to tell me that I'm worth it, that he's out there, that I need to keep going so I can meet him someday. He wants me to not need him, he wants me to find love. It's the best and worst thing.

Thinking of him cheers me up, keeps me going. But he isn't real. I can't hold him, nor him me. God.

My life is so boring. It's also too overwhelming. Too stressful that I want to die. Too boring that I want to die. Too afraid to die. Too afraid to live. I feel like I'm going insane.

Recently had a weed trip that made me see into infinity and really see what it feels like to be in a universe that is nothing. That nothing matters. Still clawing myself out of that hole.

 

Who can even help me at this point? Even if all my wishes came true, will that even help me or make me feel crazier because chances are I'd still be sad?

What the .

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