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I don't want to kill myself, but I don't want to live either


Mr.Zombie
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How are you doing? I've been better but I know my current depression is temporary. I also keep forgetting to take my welbutrin which has a big effect on my mood.

 

Anything new?

 

I'm okay. I just feel kind of apathetic. I don't care about anything. The only thing that gives me any joy is watching movies.

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I also keep forgetting to take my welbutrin which has a big effect on my mood.

 

I used to take Wellbutrin, about 6 years ago. I can't say that I ever noticed any difference in my mood.

 

You've probably answered this a million times but I'm too lazy to search. What kind of movies do you like?

 

A little bit of everything. But I'm really into non-mainstream stuff like independent, cult, experimental. I'm a cult afficionado. Anything that's referred to as a "cult classic", I'm probably a fan of. I love cheesy trashy B-movies especially from the 70s and 80s. That's one of my biggest passions. Movies that most people have never heard of and would probably never watch. That makes it kind of difficult to chat with others about my interests. There are very few people that I can talk about cult movies with. I'm really excited right now because there's a new Troma movie about to come out, (link removed)

but when I tell other people about it nobody knows what I'm talking about. If I tell them about it, they just give me a weird confused look. Fortunately, there are plenty of mainstream movies that I love than I can also talk about. Anyways.... yeah.... I'm just kind of an odd person.

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To be more precise, I am the one affecting my mood. The medicine affects my energy level and I'm happiest when it's high. I can be happy and tired too, it's really my choice.

 

I love to download independent movies from netflix, other people just groan "do we have to watch that?" I don't know much about cult films although one of my favorite lines ever is "If you love me, you'll let me eat your brain." Know the source?

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To be more precise, I am the one affecting my mood. The medicine affects my energy level and I'm happiest when it's high. I can be happy and tired too, it's really my choice.

 

I love to download independent movies from netflix, other people just groan "do we have to watch that?" I don't know much about cult films although one of my favorite lines ever is "If you love me, you'll let me eat your brain." Know the source?

 

Netflix has a wealth of cult cinema, that's where I get a lot of mine. I actually don't know the source of that quote, no.

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Netflix has a wealth of cult cinema, that's where I get a lot of mine. I actually don't know the source of that quote, no.

 

It was from the remake of Night of the Living Dead. The high school boy is trying to coerce the brains from the high school girl. I like the parody of the old standby, "If you love me you'll let me f you."

 

Did you happen to watch "Who the F is Jackson Pollock?" If not, I highly recommend it.

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It was from the remake of Night of the Living Dead. The high school boy is trying to coerce the brains from the high school girl. I like the parody of the old standby, "If you love me you'll let me f you."

 

Did you happen to watch "Who the F is Jackson Pollock?" If not, I highly recommend it.

 

Ohh, you mean the 1990 remake? I've seen that but it's been a long time. I love the original 1968 movie but I've only seen the remake once.

 

I have not seen Who the F is Jackson Pollock, but the video store I work at has it. I will take a look at it.

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Ohh, you mean the 1990 remake? I've seen that but it's been a long time. I love the original 1968 movie but I've only seen the remake once.

 

I have not seen Who the F is Jackson Pollock, but the video store I work at has it. I will take a look at it.

 

The original NOTLD was definitely a classic. I made a major life decision while watching that. You know how the one guy who made it in the house through the night was a minority? Well I promised myself if the posse shot him after he worked so hard and lived through the night without becoming a living dead I would never watch all night movies again. And they shot him. And I haven't. That was 27 years ago. lol

 

Do you ever download the indy shorts? I've found some interesting and funny films. One in particular called something like "Breakdown on _____ Road" was memorable as was "Spider".

 

Do you have any recommendations for me? From netflix please as I am watching my budget.

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Really? I wasn't sure if it was okay to deviate like that.

 

I would like to think even if it does break the "rules" and exception would be tolerated based on the notion of allowing a person in enough distress that they are thinking about not living anymore a certain amount of leeway.

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Mr Zombie how are you doing tonight?

 

I like watching independent movies also. Everyone always groans at me when I rent them. I have Blockbuster Online (much like Netflix) and rent tons of them from there.

 

I agree with System Crash about how to take the reins in your life towards feeling better about yourself. All except the part about unattractive guys don't get good looking girls. You should see my husbands looks and then mine.

It IS all in the personality, self esteem and being positive.

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I would like to think even if it does break the "rules" and exception would be tolerated based on the notion of allowing a person in enough distress that they are thinking about not living anymore a certain amount of leeway.

 

Well, I'm not exactly in distress at the moment. It comes and goes, you know...

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Mr Zombie how are you doing tonight?

 

I like watching independent movies also. Everyone always groans at me when I rent them. I have Blockbuster Online (much like Netflix) and rent tons of them from there.

 

I agree with System Crash about how to take the reins in your life towards feeling better about yourself. All except the part about unattractive guys don't get good looking girls. You should see my husbands looks and then mine.

It IS all in the personality, self esteem and being positive.

 

I feel okay today. I had a pretty decent day. I'm not feeling too bad right now. I'm just trying to relax and keep occupied. Keep the stress down, keep the anger down, keep the sadness down. One day at a time is how I do it.

 

I haven't seen many independent movies lately. What I watch depends greatly on what I'm in the mood for and I've been watching a lot of horror lately. Right now, I'm watching The Bad Seed from 1956, about a little girl who is a psycho killer. Good stuff.

 

I think I'm pretty unattractive. Well sometimes I think I look okay, other times I cringe when I look in the mirror. I did manage to get a pretty hot girl once. The first (and last) girlfriend I ever had. She was very hot. I don't know what she saw in me. Of course, she turned out to be a complete psycho, but what can you do?

 

So how are you?? Your situation seems to be a whole lot worse than mine. I don't know how I would make it. Are you okay? Keeping positive? Getting laid?

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Well, I'm not exactly in distress at the moment. It comes and goes, you know...

 

It does come and go, not very often any more but once in a while when I really feel weak compared to the mountain I'm trying to move I sometimes think, "Wouldn't it be nice not to have to deal with anything anymore?"

 

And my next thought is for my kids, so I trudge on.

 

ENA is the kindest place I've ever been on the internet and I'd be very surprised if the on topic rules were enforced on these topics.

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Not all girls are psycho, there are good ones out there. But before this you need to work on you. Use having a relationship as a goal to aim for.

Remember you are your own worst critic. I bet you aren't unattractive but to yourself you are.

 

I have seen the Bad Seed, loved that movie. Very good.

 

I am just trudging through tonight, not ok but just doing. I would never say any situation is worse then another as we all feel the same depression as each other, right? It's all difficult to get through.

Getting laid? That made me chuckle. My husband forces himself on me so yes in a way I get laid but don't want it.

 

 

 

So true

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It does come and go, not very often any more but once in a while when I really feel weak compared to the mountain I'm trying to move I sometimes think, "Wouldn't it be nice not to have to deal with anything anymore?"

 

And my next thought is for my kids, so I trudge on.

 

ENA is the kindest place I've ever been on the internet and I'd be very surprised if the on topic rules were enforced on these topics.

 

Yeah it would be nice to not have to deal with a lot of things, but then again it seems to me that that's what life is: dealing with stuff. Making the best of bad situations. Finding the silver lining, etc.

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Yeah it would be nice to not have to deal with a lot of things, but then again it seems to me that that's what life is: dealing with stuff. Making the best of bad situations. Finding the silver lining, etc.

 

You're right, life is constant adjustment. But sometimes my ad just doesn't want to ment.

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Not all girls are psycho, there are good ones out there. But before this you need to work on you. Use having a relationship as a goal to aim for.

Remember you are your own worst critic. I bet you aren't unattractive but to yourself you are.

 

Yes, not all girls are psycho. Just the ones that are interested in me. I have really bad luck when it comes to romance. It's either:

 

1. A crazy, schizophrenic girl who sleeps around a lot

2. A really nice, kindhearted girl who lives 600 miles away and wants to settle down much, much sooner than I do.

3. Girls that I'm just not interested in or have nothing in common with and couldn't see myself being with

 

The girls that I like and I'm dying to get to know better are always unavailable in some way. Or just aren't interested in me like this girl I asked out a while back. That's just the way it is. There's always an obstacle.

 

Of course, right now I'm really not looking for a relationship. Even though it's been six years, I'm still not sure if I'm ready. I don't want to get married any time soon. I mean, not even within the next decade. I just want something casual. I want to take things very slowly. Maybe too slowly for most girls... I don't know.

 

I am just trudging through tonight, not ok but just doing. I would never say any situation is worse then another as we all feel the same depression as each other, right? It's all difficult to get through.

 

I wish I could help in some way. I really really hate to see other people suffering. I'm kind of empathetic in some ways and I often wish that I could bear some of other people's burdens. I hate feeling powerless. One thing that depresses me so is all the suffering in the world. I wish I could make it go away.

 

Getting laid? That made me chuckle. My husband forces himself on me so yes in a way I get laid but don't want it.

 

Oh dear. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I thought that perhaps sex might be a helpful distraction.... but that doesn't seem to be the case. I'm really sorry to hear that. I really hate violent abusive men.

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The right girl will come along for you. Sometimes it is longer then we want to wait but it will happen, and will be worth the wait.

 

And if you don't want anything but a casual relationship that can still be a goal to aim for. Heal yourself inside and then you will be ready for something more to happen in your life.

 

It's ok, I know you didn't mean it and were just making a small joke. My husband is just a jerk. See I didn't find the right person either. Sometimes it takes time.

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It's ok, I know you didn't mean it and were just making a small joke. My husband is just a jerk. See I didn't find the right person either. Sometimes it takes time.

 

Seems like forcing himself upon you would make him more than a jerk. I'm pretty desperate to get laid, but I would never ever even consider something like that.

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Hi, I am so sorry that you feel so bad at the moment, (or are you feeling a bit better now?). But...I dó know that there ís hope for you. Even if you do not feel it yourself at the moment.

I recognize a lot of what you write, from myself a number of years ago. But now I live a happy, connected life. It is a process of recovery though.... of learning to love yourself, of gaining self-confidence, of getting friends, IT REALLY IS POSSIBLE!!! FOR YOU TOO! If only you are willing to work on your recovery.

 

God bless you (I have the deep conviction that God loves you and wants to bless you)

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