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Please Everybody, Stop Saying this to People who need Help/Advice


ConfusedDater
Never be the reason for someone'...
Never be the reason for someone's tears

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"Nothing you can do but Move on"

 

Why do so many people on here say that to a person wanting to know why someone stopped calling them? The person doesn't need to hear-"Move on" because they are going to move on if the guy or girl is not showing interest.

 

 

That is not GOOD ADVICE in my opinion and I wish some of you stop saying it to people who are angry and confused about dating situations.

 

 

STOP TELLING PEOPLE THINGS THEY ALREADY KNOW! Tell them something they don't know that will help them learn and grow not make them feel WORSE.

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OP...you have a very good point. I have posted many threads in the past where I wanted advice and help, not BREAK UP WITH HIM AND MOVE ON. Luckily, I didnt listen to those who just spewed the same things, and I did listen to those who offered advice and help.

 

The big thing about ENA is to pick and choose the advice you take. There are some posters on here, who offer very very good advice and those are the ones I listen to the most.

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Oh! Here you go again!! People say that because they don't have a crystal ball to look in to. When someone stops contact it's usually b/c they don't want to talk to you anymore!

 

To then try and decipher the half of the story the poster lays out with the reality of what is probably going on is not in all likely hood going to be a good mirror of reality. If you don't like to hear MOVE ON after every single girl stops calling you, then stop posting questions about it & perhaps then just....move on

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What else are we suppose to tell them? Seriously? They come on here asking for advice as to why someone stopped talking to them? UM HELLO! we don't know! So what are we supposed to tell them?

 

"It's ok they will call you, don't you worry your little heart." Then we'd be lying and getting their hopes up.

 

 

Now you are talking silly, No you don't give someone FALSE HOPE, you just be supportive and give reasons why someone stopped calling and help them get over it.

 

but saying-"JUST MOVE ON" is the worst thing you can say to someone who is confused and hurt

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Now you are talking silly, No you don't give someone FALSE HOPE, you just be supportive and give reasons why someone stopped calling and help them get over it.

 

but saying-"JUST MOVE ON" is the worst thing you can say to someone who is confused and hurt

 

Being supportive? How?! They come on here asking if so and so is going to call back? Um sorry let me grab my crystal ball and i'll tell you. It doesn't work like that.

 

I've been on the other side of the spectrum and being told to move on and not wait around hoping they call was the best advice I have ever received in those circumstances.

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Move on is an expression that encompasses all kinds of advice such as:

Start living your life and start focusing on yourself.

Stop obsessing about the other person.

Do not expect to be able to predict the future.

Take one day at a time.

Do what is best for you.

Most of the people who come here for advice are stuck in a rut or keep repeating behaviors that are not giving them the results that they want. Moving on can also mean moving away from patterns and behaviors that are not good for you.

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I think sometimes its done to reinstate something in the persons mind.

 

I think when people ask for advice (I've found this happens to me) they have in their mind that they should do a certain thing but are too scared to do it or are blocking it out. Possibly looking for any other reasons why they shouldnt go through with it.

 

Someone giving advice and telling it as they see it as in 'move on' could make the person asking for advice see the situation more clearly.

 

Sometimes I want to be told what to do in quite a firm way, it can appeal to you better then a lot of sympathy for whatever reason.

 

In a way though I do slightly agree, sometimes stuff like that has made me feel bad in the past. Although more often then not I just feel bad because I know that the poster is probobly right I just dont like to think about how hard it could be to actually go through with "moving on".

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When someone stops contact it's usually b/c they don't want to talk to you anymore!

 

Yes. The only healthy thing to do in this situation is to move on. I don't see the point in not being honest about this. And no, sometimes people do not know that this is the best thing for them...many people are in denial precisely because they are upset and distraught. They can take or leave the advice, but I refuse to not be completely honest...in cases like this, the best advice (I think) is to move on. And I stand by that.

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Now you are talking silly, No you don't give someone FALSE HOPE, you just be supportive and give reasons why someone stopped calling and help them get over it.

 

but saying-"JUST MOVE ON" is the worst thing you can say to someone who is confused and hurt

 

Well Geez CD what would be your advice to someone who posts "Im so sad...my bf/gf just stopped calling me, wont return any of my calls and deleted me off of every known web site! Why would they do this???"

 

Im curious to know what you would say. We get these all day long, so go for it.

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why are people disrespecting everyone today? I dont get it.

 

the OP said at least list reasons why someone could possibly stop contacting you, and then say move on. but sometimes if they hear reasons and see them in themselves they can change that?

 

Like maybe you contacted them too much and frightend them off kind of thing.

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It's funny that you're requesting that people not tell posters the truth. Is it better to lie? If so, why?

 

Sometimes, the advice given here is meant to help people in the long run, and it's less meant for immediate gratification. Advice here often isn't going to make the poster feel good in the short term. That's an enabling approach to someone's problem. Someone could come on here and say, "Do you think she still loves me?", and I can reply with "Yes, totally. I think she's way in love with you. You can just tell", and this is going to make the poster feel great.... for a few days until they realize that it isn't true.

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Well Geez CD what would be your advice to someone who posts "Im so sad...my bf/gf just stopped calling me, wont return any of my calls and deleted me off of every known web site! Why would they do this???"

 

Im curious to know what you would say. We get these all day long, so go for it.

 

Mister CD knows all the right words , you just wait..

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Well Geez CD what would be your advice to someone who posts "Im so sad...my bf/gf just stopped calling me, wont return any of my calls and deleted me off of every known web site! Why would they do this???"

 

Im curious to know what you would say. We get these all day long, so go for it.

 

Maybe we should just tell them what they want to hear to extend the pain and retard the healing process.

 

Yes, he/she loves you...that's why they treat you so bad. Love will conquer all.

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OP...you have a very good point. I have posted many threads in the past where I wanted advice and help, not BREAK UP WITH HIM AND MOVE ON. Luckily, I didnt listen to those who just spewed the same things, and I did listen to those who offered advice and help.

 

The big thing about ENA is to pick and choose the advice you take. There are some posters on here, who offer very very good advice and those are the ones I listen to the most.

 

I do agree that sometimes telling you to break up and move on is pushing it. Things can be a lot more complicated then that and it could be a HUGE mistake- people on here obviously wouldnt know all of the history.

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Being supportive? How?! They come on here asking if so and so is going to call back? Um sorry let me grab my crystal ball and i'll tell you. It doesn't work like that.

 

I've been on the other side of the spectrum and being told to move on and not wait around hoping they call was the best advice I have ever received in those circumstances.

 

 

 

But the statement-"JUST MOVE ON" sounds kind of Cold and Harsh. Maybe if it was put a different way like-

 

"well hopefully you can meet someone else soon and atleast that will help you forget about he/she"

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