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I finally called this guy I've been e-mailing online to


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Well, several months back.. like more than 6, I was supposed to meet this guy online I had been e-mailing to on a dating site.

We never did meet up... cuz he never set up a proper date... only said he'd be at this place and when I went in there, never did see him, so I left.

 

I sort of had to leave or pay the $15 cover charge for the concert, which I was not too interested in. We sort of got into an argument about it online... but then I just moved on, and did not think much about it.

 

About a month ago, i get this e-mail that he'd like to try again.. Okay... whatever...

Now... for some reason, I'm not half as keen to meet him in a dating setting..

I'm thinkin maybe we could just be friends.. as the whole way he handled himself.. I thought was rather juvenile...

 

Today, I called him and we seemed to get along okay on the phone..

 

Supposedly we are supposed to meet up this week maybe and get together and maybe shoot billards or something...

 

I'm rather nervous about this... I am not sure why....

but... i think the dynamics of this whole things has changed.

 

before I was really keen on meeting him.. before we got int the big argument that is, online...

Well, he asked me some personal things today on the phone that sort of set me off... (put me on my guard) and then he started telling me things about an ex of his.. which.. i guess I could construe as just idle chatter, but really, I don't plan on telling him stuff about a crazy ex when we get together..

In short.. I'm sort of thinking, withoiut even meeting him, that he's not really my type.. BF wise.. but maybe would make a good friend....

I don't knwo why I'm thinking that.. other than the last picture he sent looks totally different than the first one he sent.. He hardly looks like the same person... and if it is the same person, much much older..

Well, I'm not sure how to handle all this.. but I'm really rather nervous.. maybe we ought to just meet for coffee or an ice cream instad.... he mentioned making meeting downtown for lunch..

whatcha think?

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I don't see any harm in it. What could it hurt to meet up for an innocent coffee/lunch? This is where you will trully know if you are interested or not. The idea that his pictures don't look like the same, is a bit weird...so just make sure it's in a public place to be safe!

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Well, the reason he probably didn't meet you the first time is, he probably chickened out. I even get nervous when I go to these meetups that are set-up online.

 

He probably doesn't look exactly like the picture he sent to you. Doesn't everyone try to pick a picture of themselves that puts their best features first (or hide some of their physical shortcomings?)

 

Dumb move on his part to talk about his ex.. but again, that could be his nerves.

 

You should meet this guy in a public place regardless of any red flags he's given you. It's just smart to meet someone in a public place since you don't know them that well.

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chickened out? well, there are other things in life that are just as awkward, difficult, like going to the dentist, or going on a job interview. these things aren't that fun, and they are nerve wracking! but, it has to be done. i want a man with balls, so a guy who would chicken out on a date is not a match for me.

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I don't see any harm in it. What could it hurt to meet up for an innocent coffee/lunch? This is where you will trully know if you are interested or not. The idea that his pictures don't look like the same, is a bit weird...so just make sure it's in a public place to be safe!

 

well.... the harm is that if he's already been so unreliable, from day 1, he will likely continue to do so. i bet if she keeps dating him, more things will pop up that will upset her. at the end of the day, they'll break up over all the problems. she would just save herself a lot of time by not dating a man who stood her up. it doesn't bode well for the future.

 

my 2 cents. i've never heard of a man standing a girl up (without some emergency), she gives him a second chance, and then they live happily ever after.

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Well, I cannot be sure he stood me up... he could of been in the bathroom when I went into the place, as the doorman only gave me a few minutes to try and find my online friend I was to meet, or I'd have to pay the cover...

Of course, I'm not about to go stand outside a men's washroom, and this could of been a possiblity...

Course, maybe he did not go in the first place! What upset me was, that he e-mailed ME for about 3 weeks, seemed very eager to meet, but never actually set up a proper date.

He could of well said.. hey... do you want to go to such & such a concert.. my treat? Of course, I probably would of said yes... but at the time I was pretty spent (broke) and couldn't afford this concert in the first place.

So... it's his wishy-washy-ness that sort of annoyed me and then I mentioned it in a blog.. (maybe bad on my part, but I did spend all the gas nad time to go to this concert he was supposed to be at and couldn't find him, and after spending 3 weeks writing back to this guy, was i ANNOYED? you bet...

well, then he started flaming me back.. and it just erupted into this flame war so I just let it go..

afterward, I thought, well, he had given me his cell phone number... I just didn't bring my cell with me to call him... so maybe he had a legitimate gripe...

But the thing is... as others agreed on that blog... that he never did ask me out for a proper date in the first place..

Yes, isilover... I'm really a bit put off by the new picture.. hardly looks like him at all, or maybe the one he sent me was taken years ago... I don't know... it's just weird..

I was attracted to the original pic he sent.. this new pic.. I can hardly care less.. and that's why I'm thinking.. Okay, he'd make an ok friend...

but I'm not putting too many eggs into this basket. Could i use another friend.. Yeah, definitely... but like I say.... I'm doubting he's bf material....

And this am.. I was thinking.. well, he's doing it again.. not really setting up a "set" time to meet.. Just saying, well, we should get together this week sometime after work..

That's a bit vague and again wishy-washy to me...

I have a bunch of interviews this week.... if he really wants to meet me.. what's the hesitation???

I liked talking to him on the phone.. maybe he could be another "phone" friend.. lol..

excuse me, but people in this area are not that friendly, and it's such a big area.. we have to drive so far to get from one end of town to the other..

I guess.. i'll just take it as it is... nothing to really pin my hopes on... and keep on accepting e-mails from other guys on that site...

He did ask ME for another chance.. and truthfully, already, he's disappointed me again.. so... I'm not putting much stock in this guy... that is.. if he even meets me.

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it's funny you right this annie.... When I wrote that blog, I did NOT use his name, I just asked why guy say they want to meet you, yet instead, somehow manage to NOT do so...

Then I gave my side of the story, again, not giving out ANYONE'S name, he gets on the blog and starts ranting and raving (including e-mailing a few of the female blog readers who had agreed with me & harassing THEM,) it was NOT that cool he did not meet up with me ahead of the concert.

 

Yeah, a man with balls, I dont' think this guy fits the bill in the least. I just got a phone call from him. He was friendly.... but so what...

Has he set up a date yet? A concrete day and time to meet? No f**ing way! I'm SO annoyed.. This is how he makes it up to me???

He asked how my day was going, I mentioned I had gone on a couple of job interviews and it was likely i'd be working again full time.. and suggested that if he wants to meet we meet sooner than later..

His response, well, you can always go out at nite.. I told him no.. i had signed up for nights and then he mentioned the weekends, and i was like again, Um... sorry charlie but I also signed up for weekends.."

I mean, so sorry I've not put off my entire life for the next 6 months so he can make a date at HIS convenience. I suppose he wants me to remain underemployed, so maybe sometime NEXT YEAR he can find time in HIS BUSY LITTLE LIFE to take me out!

 

I come to find out this guy has TWO good paying jobs and another jobs on the side. He's got the money to take me out.... so why hasn't he???

This is so incredibly stupid and ridiculous.. I am wondering if I should even bother answering the phone the next time he calls..

My last boyfriend, god, he was so broke, he was living in this one bedroom apt with his son.. but he asked me out for dinner the first time we got together....

If he can manage to take me out, what is the deal with this guy???

He has not even wanted to chat with me online, which to me, would tell alot abouit him.. but I'm already reaching the conclusion this guy is a super idiot who just likes to play games with women's heads.

That is the way I feel about it right now.. Why on heaven's earth, cannot you come out and ask someone for a proper date.. especially when this is supposedly your 2nd chance!

I've half a mind to send him an e-mail and say look, I've had enough of the fun & games but I find this no fun at all. I want someone who actually wants to MEET ME!

SO LONG!

I wish Batya was here to give her opinion.. I think i know what it's going to be.. but I had no idea until today that he was doing well enough to have 2 jobs so he could of certainly invited me INTO the concert this spring.. instead of suggesting I MEET him there, and make me pay my OWN WAY IN.

I had enough.. this is just plain stupid.

I may write another blog and this time use his real screen name and warn women of this dude.

The only thing that stops me is now he's got my cell phone number.. I had a feeling I shouldn't of given that to him, until I got a real sense of what he's like.

I think I know now. he's a waste of time and a cheapskate! I'm pissed off, I tell you!

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i'm sure batya would tell you to move on. i think she'd probably tell you to only exchange a few, half dozen at most, emails back and forth, and then say, 'I prefer to meet face to face, let me know if you would like to meet' and then leave the ball in his court. no use getting angry and upset over a stranger. and no, i wouldn't bash him in a blog either. not worth your time. NEXT!

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i'm sure batya would tell you to move on. i think she'd probably tell you to only exchange a few, half dozen at most, emails back and forth, and then say, 'I prefer to meet face to face, let me know if you would like to meet' and then leave the ball in his court. no use getting angry and upset over a stranger. and no, i wouldn't bash him in a blog either. not worth your time. NEXT!

 

Thanks Annie! I agree with myself, surprisingly ;-)

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Oh, hey Batya, I was hoping you'd come on this thread.. So.. what is the deal with this guy? Why spend like 3 solid weeks e-mailing someone and then telling them you'd like to meet, but not putting much effort into that?

Why even bother?

 

Or, is this guy, like you say, a nutter, and just likes jerking people's chains.

 

I'm thoroughly annoyed with this guy.. and he called me for the 1st time yesterday.

I doubt I want to waste my cell phone battery time or my daytime cell phone time to chat with someone who has no aspirations of actually meeting me.

 

How should I handle this? I had a solid feeling when I first called him, not not let my phone number be known until I was sure he was for real. Instead, silly me, I give him my phone number.

At this point I'd at least like to put him in his place, even in a classy way... What would you say in an e-mail.....

I think I've really given this guy a 2nd chance way more than he deserves. Now, I think he owes me an explanation as to why he's done another... well, I'll take you out SOMETIME game yet AGAIN!

 

Or.. should I just not answer his phone calls and write him an e-mail saying, I don't think we have anything in common anymore!... and then let him wonder...

Yeah.. maybe he truly is married.. he sure is a good liar if that is the case... What a jerk!

Yeah.. if you are truly SINGLE.. the last thing you want to do is sit at home alone every weekend. I think something is up with this guy..... his words just do NOT match his actions. Case closed.

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Maybe he has fun having e-mail penpals and likes the comfort of being behind a computer screen - that doesn't necessarily make him "off" in the least. Ask yourself why you were willing to keep typing to a stranger you wanted to meet in person for three weeks without solid plans to meet in person? It takes two.

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No.. re-read the post Batya.. the guy SAID he wanted to have a relationship with a woman, and to spend time with her.. and yes, it takes TWO, if.... that person is being honest and forthright with no, not leading you on and telling you he wants to meet in person.

So.. what is a girl to do.. be pushy and after 10 days of e-mails, say to this guy.. well, meet me of just forget it?

that seems pushy to me.. but after 3 weeks and then saying he WANTED to meet me, telign me where to meet him, but somehow, when I go there, I don't find him..

Oh, btw.. i found out this guy had 2 FULL TIME jobs and the cover was only $12, he could of easily afforded to pay my way in IF he was serious as he SAID he was about meeting me.. instead of insisting I meet him there, which I'm sure he knew would entail me paying a cover just to get in the door!

Sounds kinda of crafty to me! Now, if he had said.. well, I think i just wanna be e-mail pals and see where it goes, I wouldn't be angry or upset.

This guy is just into mind games.. Now, after e-mailing me again after the whole summer has almost passed, telling me he wants another chance... another chance at what, I have to ask.. jerking me around again..

cuz he mentioned wanting to go play billiards with me, but 2 weeks later, again, no date is set up....

No... this guy just likes to play mind games.. OR.. like the toher posters say.. perhaps he IS married, or separated.. or SOMETHING..

This is too strange..

I think anyone who has to blast someone who goes on a blog and e-mail them all this hateful stuff, has to be a little ODD. The two ladies who came onto my blog were very upset and shocked he'd bother them... cuz they took my side in this matter.

And again, it's the same old crap.. this guy ujust cannot get up enough balls to ask a woman out on a proper date although he professes to be sufficiently employed, and yet he thinks himself a "catch"! He actually wrote me that in an e-mail after I called him out on this crap.

This is all a waste of time. This guys is nuts..I think I am Suicide is right... No wonder he is single...

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I can't relate to continuing to type and talk to someone for that long who hasn't been willing to make solid plans to meet so I can't tell you "why" but I can tell you that on line dating - like all ways of meeting people to date - requires a thick skin and the ability to move on if early on you're not on the same page.

 

I should say I made one exception and typed and talked to someone over a 6-week period with a few weeks break in between - but, we both tried to make plans and had to cancel, we then lost touch, and then we realized we knew people in common. Meanwhile, I met other people I dated. We ended up dating for three months.

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So.. what is a girl to do.. be pushy and after 10 days of e-mails, say to this guy.. well, meet me of just forget it?

 

you can say that you would like to meet and if he feels the same way, he can reach you at such-and-such number so you two can arrange something, and leave it at that. no, i don't think that's pushy.

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you can say that you would like to meet and if he feels the same way, he can reach you at such-and-such number so you two can arrange something, and leave it at that. no, i don't think that's pushy.

 

I totally agree. What I used to do after two emails back and forth was write:

 

I much prefer typing to talking to see if it makes sense to meet, so please send me your phone number if you'd like to continue the conversation . I look forward to hearing from you."

 

If the first phone call went ok (meaning I thought we had enough in common to justify meeting for one hour, and I felt comfortable to meet for one hour), if he didn't suggest meeting I did. If he couldn't make plans right then, I left the ball in his court.

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