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My cousin lost her daughter & since then she hasn't spoken to me


RIPniecypooh

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On Sept. 19, 2008 my cousin got a call from her daughters god parents and told her that her daughter was gone. She was over their house for the night and when they woke up to check on her, she wasn't breathing and it appeared that she was like that for a while (is what they say).

 

Everyone was so confused, because she was a healthy little girl. She could sit up on her own if you sat her up. She'd been rolling over since she was about 4.5 months. (She was six months and a week the day that she passed).

 

 

Before the autopsy, the doctors were claiming that she died of SIDS, however the coroners report says that she passed of suffocation. Everywhere that I have read states that SIDS is not caused by suffocation. So, in the end, my niece died of suffocation. Could it have been avoided? I think so? However, it's hard to tell. I know that whatever happened was just an accident, but it was one that ended someones life.

 

I am so hurt by all of this. Her funeral was this past Thursday. It was so hard. Seeing her in that casket was so surreal. I can't believe that she died that way.

 

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Me and my cousin have always been really close. We've had our ups and downs in the past, but nothing to BIG or unforgivable. Since my cousins daughter died, we have not talked much at ALL. She did not come to me for any kind of support and it hurts. I really miss her and I feel like we are falling apart. We've been going through it before this has even happened, because my boyfriend doesn't like her. But, I don't care about what he thinks. I am actually on the verge of breaking up with him because he's too judging of everyone and I won't live my life being under the thumb of someone else.

 

I just don't know what to do? I feel left out in the cold. I feel so sorry for my cousin. I really wanted to be there for her for support. I just don't know what to do?

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You have to remember this is not about YOU. It is about your cousin. HER child died and she has to be able to grieve the ways SHE needs to. I am sorry that you are feeling sad and you have a right to, but whatever you feel she feels 1000 times more. Give her her space and she will come to you when she needs you. I am sorry to be tough, but she is the one that lost her baby and you can not make demands at this point. I know I lost a baby as well.

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You have to remember this is not about YOU. It is about your cousin. HER child died and she has to be able to grieve the ways SHE needs to. I am sorry that you are feeling sad and you have a right to, but whatever you feel she feels 1000 times more. Give her her space and she will come to you when she needs you. I am sorry to be tough, but she is the one that lost her baby and you can not make demands at this point. I know I lost a baby as well.

 

I agree 101%, best advice you could be given. If you want to show your support, mail her a card but right now, she is in deep pain due to the loss of her child and she is emotionally incapable of heeding to anyone elses feelings or needs right now. Just give it time...she'll come to you when she needs you.

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I am so sorry for the pain that you are feeling and for the loss of your cousins daughter. I can't begin to imagine.

 

Have you reached out to your cousin? You mentioned that your boyfriend doesn't like her - maybe she doesn't feel comfortable approaching you. I think it's best that you give her a call or a card / note, offering your condolences and also letting her know that you are available should she be interested in contacting you or need you.

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Melanie Ethier, 15, disappeared wit...
Melanie Ethier, 15, disappeared without a trace Sept. 29, 1996

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