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Alone & No One to Really Talk To


mcgirl

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First time poster. Been lurking around here for months though. Some BG on me: I'm 36, single, successful, attractive (or so I'm told), live on my own w/my furry children to keep me company.

 

I apologize in advance if this post is long, rambling and all over the place.

 

I'm posting b/c for a while I've felt so incredibly alone. Like even when you're in a crowd of people and you feel completely and utterly "alone". I have no one "significant" in my life. Haven't for a while. I'm not close to my family (by choice). I do have friends, they would probably call us good friends. But I just can't talk to any of them about things that matter to me, problems I'm having, things on my mind. I feel all of my current friendships are social in nature and never get any deeper than the immediate superfical stuff. I have made attempts to share how I'm feeling, talk about something personal, try to share a problem I'm having - but I feel like no one is really listening. It's all in one ear and out the other. Or I get glib responses or just "huh...gee...that sucks" and on they move to the next superficial subject.

 

I've felt this way for a long time - it just gets stronger every so often - usually when I'm struggling with a problem, feelings or thoughts - like I am now. I feel like I haven't really had anyone to "talk" to since my engagement ended about 4 years ago. My ex was my best friend. One of the few people over the course of my life who really got me. It was an awful, long, drawn out breakup and threw me into a bit of a depression. I got out of it through therapy and meds and was moving forward with my life in ways (no longer in therapy or on medication). But this recurrence of this "alone" feeling I'm having is making me wonder if I'm sinking down into a depression again. I have little to no motivation. Lacking energy. And just feel more emotional than usual. I've tossed around the idea of going back to therapy again just to have someone who will listen to me - even if only b/c I'm paying them to.

 

I'm introverted by nature and have never really needed to have lots of people around me. And I'm generally fine spending a lot of time alone. But I've usually had one or two "good" friends to talk to. Vent to. Babble on endlessly to. I haven't had that in so long, I've forgotten what it's like. The older you get it seems to get that much harder to make quality friendships and have a real connection with someone.

 

It's not like I even have incredibly deep things I want to talk about. Just your usual run of the mill - work issues, romantic puzzlements, general insecurities. But it's so hard to find someone who will actually listen. I talk with my pets and they listen but they aren't very good at providing feedback

 

Oh well...just wanted to post and put this out there. Even typing about it makes me feel just a little better.

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This place is very good for just getting things out. As you said just typing it out (and re-reading it) does help at times.

Friendships have always been a very important part of my life since I was very young. True friendship is rare but not impossible by any means. Things are different than they were in years gone past as so many people seem more busy, selfish and preoccupied by things that aren't all that important (celebrities, scandals).

I have always found being interested in who they are always brings them closer to you as a friend. My best friend saved me from what I have been going through these last months as has the good friends I have here.

Keep posting and let it all out. You can PM me anytime you wish and I will listen.

Give your furry friends a good rub on the belly for me.

 

lost

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Thanks for your replies. I realized as I reread the post I didn't really "say" much of anything. Didn't ask a question or anything like that. Kind of a random ramble of words with no point.

 

I do have a lot of stuff I just need to let out. Even typing it out is better than holding it in and letting the thought train run away with it.

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