Jump to content

a little advice


smartie

Recommended Posts

My gf broke with me 1 month ago, reasons: a general apathy of me towards her and life in general, she said she wasnt feeling happy with me anymore, but would like to see me change and maybe destiny will get us together in the future. After a week i found she already had met someone else, 2 weeks before she dumped me, a guy 16 years older than her. After i week i told her i found out, had a little talk, we didnt fight, she said this guy just gives makes her feel special, he is rich and powerful but she knows she will not end up with him as he doesnt want to marry or have children.

I kept strict NC for 3 weeks now after that talk, during which i took care of me, i started going out, having fun, slowly becoming more open to life, i changed also the way i look, everyone makes compliments on my changes.

I think she still cares about me as she called at my work twice to talk to one of my colleagues to see how i was when i was a week sick on medical leave (she has some friends at my workplace and she found out i was missing from work and didnt know why).

So now i know i am on the right track, a different person, i just want her to see these changes.

I was thinking of sending an email to her cousing on Facebook to congratulate him on the new job, so he can tell her about my facebook profile, as i do not want to contact her directly. My new facebook profile has new pictures of me, I am sure she will end up seeing those and maybe make her think. Will she finally figure this and see me weak, not being over her and as a sign of neediness? She always said she wants to see me in teh future as a strong person, that is what she is attracted to.

I am a stronger person now, just want her to see the changes.

what do you say?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Of course you're a stronger person, you went through the muck of a post break up hell to emerging as the brand new you! So I congratulate you on that regard!

 

I don't see the hurt from you sending her cousin a quick friendly message congratulating them on their new job.

 

Personally though, I don't think she is worth your time... she sounds like a gold digger to me, and you will never be able to make them fall in love with you. That's just my perspective on this, so please DO NOT take this personally.

 

Her way of saying that she wants to see you being powerful or successful, or which ever is kinda like saying... you didn't measure up to her expectations, but don't feel too bad about it cause I don't. You actually took the break up pretty well, which is what she wanted to see to make herself feel better. Henceforth she said those lines about liking stronger men... you fell for it, but it made you stronger!

 

Now just keep to being indifferent to her if and when she contacts you. This about you being in control now in this new chapter of your life! Being in control is being powerful in her eyes... so stick to being indifferent

 

Inspiring!!

 

How long did the two of you go out for? Was it brief?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh man, I just have no patience for people who trot out the clichés...and this comment of hers:

is one classic overused line that dumpers spew out. She was cheating on you that is why she dumped you...she found some rich older guy who will take care of her.

So although you may not have shown enough that you cared about her, given the fact that she immediately ran to the arms of a sugar daddy suggests to me that perhaps you would never be able to satisfy her because she wants to be someone's princess rather than someone's partner. You can send the message if you want, but sounds to me unless you are raking in 6 figures and jetting her off to exotic weekend getaways like Victor Newman on the soap "The Young and the Restless"...her idea of what makes her feel special...then you may as well use those positive changes you are making to attract a more worthy woman who is down-to-earth.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

we were together for 7 months

I do not think she is a gold digger, during our relationship she never let me pay for anything, or even let me buy her stuff when we were shopping

I have the feeling she wants someone that can dominate her, a very strong personality, thats what she means by powerful

And it was all about my behaviour, my lack of communication, lack of energy to enjoy things etc. I am a succesul person, i have a position in a multinational company, with a good income, a very nice home etc

Link to comment
Share on other sites

we were together for 7 months

I do not think she is a gold digger, during our relationship she never let me pay for anything, or even let me buy her stuff when we were shopping

I have the feeling she wants someone that can dominate her, a very strong personality, thats what she means by powerful

And it was all about my behaviour, my lack of communication, lack of energy to enjoy things etc. I am a succesul person, i have a position in a multinational company, with a good income, a very nice home etc

 

It really doesn't change my opinion all that much...she still chose a sugar daddy. Seven months is actually not long. You can't be someone you are not. There is a difference between standing up for yourself/showing initiative, and dominating someone. It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship is her thing...why bother with a woman who needs to be dominated...there are many bad boys out there who would be glad to dominate her and treat her like dog poo at the bottom of the shoe. It is great that you are doing some self-reflection about where things could have gone wrong from your end...but realize it sounds like you both want different things out of a relationship and she figured that out within the brief 7 months you were dating.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If your motivation to congratulate her cousin is shaded by wanting her to know how you're doing, then don't do it. It's likely going to be seen through, and probably won't make her regret her decision. Just continue to live your life- she will eventually find out that you are strong, without you having to put it in front of her face.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You have a lot of gold diggers..and the real ones.. are never obvious.. those are the ones that actually always get what they want..

 

Never making you pay for anything...hmmm...my experience is when a woman does that..a. she either earns way more than you and feels guilty, b. she is not really interested in you, or c. she is actually waiting for you to take initiative and be a man..shower her without having to ask for it..not coming accross as a blatant golddigger

 

I know not really helpful..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...