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contacted the ex after 3 months NC, did I screw up ?


fleck1234
Dream about your ex
Dream about your ex

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Hi, after a few months of NC I broke down and emailed the ex and told her I wanted to see her and catch up. She emailed me back and said that she would love to see me but didn't know if she was ready for it. She told me a bit about her life since the break up and said we would talk soon.

 

This hurts me very much, I really thought after being broke up for 7 months that it would be nice to see her for coffee and catch up. What does this mean, doesn't know if she is ready to see me ? opinions ? btw she has a BF now.

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You can speculate all you want, but you won't really know much until you talk to her. I've seen ex's after long absenses, and they wanted to get back together, and I've seen ex's after long absenses, and they wanted to talk about their new boyfriend.

 

As for her comment about not knowing if she's ready, this could mean anything. It could mean that she's involved with someone new and doesn't want to upset the balance, or it could be that she's not involved with anyone and just doesn't feel recovered yet from your relationship.

 

One thing is for sure though... If she is saying "not ready" then you have to listen to her. Push her even a shred more and she'll be "not ready" for a long, long time to come.

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It means shes not ready. She is in a new relationship and it is unfolding. She may not want to toxify her new relationship with the grief of the last one. Sounds like you may not be fully over it and seeking reconciliation. If I were you I would let time do its job and go back to NC. You seem disappointed in her response or lack of your ideal. Its a tough road but stay strong and you will eventually have what you seek, and it may not be within her.

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It means shes not ready. She is in a new relationship and it is unfolding. She may not want to toxify her new relationship with the grief of the last one. Sounds like you may not be fully over it and seeking reconciliation. If I were you I would let time do its job and go back to NC. You seem disappointed in her response or lack of your ideal. Its a tough road but stay strong and you will eventually have what you seek, and it may not be within her.

 

She is in a relationship and has been for 6 months. I guess what you are saying makes sense, I just wanted to see her and find out how she has been. We were together for 9 years and I still worry about her and care what happens to her. I would like to reconcile down the road, but I really just wanted to see her. It hurts to think that she doesn't want to see me but I have no choice but to go back to NC.

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This is your thread from August:

 

 

You are not healed...you want more than friendship and she is with another guy. I also read another post of yours which said that this woman cheated on you. Is this the guy she cheated on you with? I really think you are selling yourself short...she is not so special...she ran off with another man...either that or she found a rebound man a month after your relationship ended. You need to cut all ties with her and realize that she is no friend to you.

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This is your thread from August:

 

 

You are not healed...you want more than friendship and she is with another guy. I also read another post of yours which said that this woman cheated on you. Is this the guy she cheated on you with? I really think you are selling yourself short...she is not so special...she ran off with another man...either that or she found a rebound man a month after your relationship ended. You need to cut all ties with her and realize that she is no friend to you.

 

Hi, you are right, I do want more than friendship and I know that I shouldn't even want to talk to her after she cheated. I still love her though, I miss her and don't know how to get over her. NC has helped while I can maintain it but I still miss her. How long does it take to forget ? that's what I need to know.](*,)

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do you have self esteem issues? is it that she rejected you and you want her back? why do you want someone who doesn't want you? Or is it truly true love that you have for her and you can forgive her? even if you get back together with her, there is no trust and no respect, these are the two foundations of a good relationship

 

you should look inside and help yourself, learn what happen and what went wrong and be healthy for the next woman in your life... you will have a rewarding relationship if you become happy yourself then you don't "need" her...

 

think logically and think about what is going on... i think you are still being controlled by the emotions of her....

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I'd reply before going NC again, otherwise it would look like you're still hurting/vulnerable/uhealed.

 

Just make it short, let her know that you wouldn't want to meet up until she's ready, wish her well, and say your sayonaras.

 

There really is little else you can do.

 

For what it's worth, my ex was as mean as hell to me (though never cheated), but I would still get back with her (if I thought the meanness could stop). It may be a confidence issue, it may not. I have others beating down my door with a leather whip, though - they just don't make my heart skip a beat the way she does.

 

I'm still open to reconciliation like you are, but perhaps we both need to make sure we don't set the scene for similar treatment next time around (if there is a next time). We have to pull back, for our own sakes, and get over our issues before we can establish any kind of healthy relationship with our exes. And we must certainly not be trying to get them; they MUST come to us.

 

Keep movin' on - that's the best you and I can do for now.

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Thanks for that CrapAtNC, I really appreciate it. You are right, I must step back again and see what happens. NC is very hard and I seem to break it every month or two. We were together for a long time and I miss the daily contact the most. I like the line about they must come to us, it is so true. Chasing them does the opposite of what we want.

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