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Is he or Isn't he? What do you think?


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I need some answers.

I have some reasons to believe my B/F is cheating on me, but I would like to hear some others views before I broach him on this.

Background, we have known each other for 6 years, and we have been a couple for 2+ years living together.


1/. He has absolutely no interest in sex, (well not with me anyway). What used to be 3-4times weekly is now every 7+weeks, and that's only after I say something about the lack of it!

2/. He is getting home from work 1/2 an hour to an hour later then he used to, with little or no explaination.

3/. He is leaving for work earlier and earlier every block of shifts that he does.

4/. He receives phone calls, from I don't know who and mentions nothing about them to me at all.

5/. He doesn't talk about his day at work any more where as he used to tell me everything that had gone on during his day.

6/. In his word, "I prefer to be at work on night shift!" (these are also the shifts he is leaving earlier and earlier for).

7/. He has suddenly developed a strange rash in his groin, after a block of night shifts! (Never had anything like it before in his life!)

8/. He has shaved off his moustache, which he has had the whole time that I have known him.

9/. He has accused me of having an affair! (Not likely)


All of these things have happened in the past 1-2 months, please someone

let me know what you think.

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It sounds fishy, but you might be overly paranoid. You two have known eachother for a long time and have been dating for years. As unfortunate as it is, couples tend to have less and less sex the longer they are together. Just because he doesn't have sex as much as you'd like doesn't mean he's cheating on you. What i would do is ask him why he works so much and why he doens't tell you about his day anymore. Has there been a death in the family, or a loss of friendship between him and a buddy? Has either of you gained or lost weight? Have you been preoccupied with things in the past and now he is resenting you for it? Are you two financially stable? These are just a few reasons I can think of that he might be spending less time at home...and more time at work. Oh and you can't get a rash from sex...he might just need to change his underwear more often. Jock itch is just from sweating and wearing unbreathable undies. LOL...or he could be masterbating on his night shifts with lotion that he is allergic to lol but seriously, u may be jumping to conclusions. DOn't accuse, just talk and see where it goes. Let me know how it turns out!

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There is a huge difference between accusing someone of cheating and expressing your feelings about your insecurity. The fact is, your feeling something that you shouldn't in a relationship and you need to face the fear that you have. I would just sit down with him in a casual atmosphere and let him know how your feeling. If you have been with him for two years and live together I am sure that if there is something going on you will sense it when you have the conversation. If there is nothing going on then the fact that you calmly expressed your feelings to him and didn't accuse him of cheating I think will go a long way. I would just get it over with so that you can move on and not feel the way that you are feeling. I hope that everything goes great for you. Chris

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Those are very valid suspicions. I have been in a similar situation; my husband was having phone sex with local girls. Any who, from experience, I suggest you gather hard-facts or something you can show as proof. Once you have this, you can then talk to him about it, otherwise, if you are empty handed, he will deny everything, stop whatever he was doing, and when you put your guard down, he might start doing it again...


It's not easy keeping what you know from him and being calm about it, but it’s necessary. See if you can get a hold of his cell phone bill, credit card statements, and/or access to his e-mail account. Make copies of that stuff. Be very cautious about not leaving any traces.


That’s how I was able to confront my husband. I looked at three consecutive cell phone bills and noticed that it was a well-formed habit; he called this numbers consistently.

I made copies for my records and when I finally broke into his cell phone and listened to the women that left him messages on his voice mail I decided to confront him right there and then; I needed no more proof. The copies of the cell phone bills helped me when he tried to deny that he had been doing that for a while.


Fortunatelly or not, his problem in an obsesive compulsive deal.

We are going to marriage counseling. Things are better than ever.


Good luck.

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I see red flags all over your post...accusing you of cheating - that probably means he is cheating on you and feels guilty about it and makes himself feel better by blaming you for doing it too...


Secrets - another red flag...leaving earlier and coming home later for no apparent reason that he's shared with you...strange phone calls...why not ask him next time who he is talking to and see what his reaction is - if he gets all defensive, that's another bad sign...


Changing his look by shaving off his facial hair - that's another classic sign along with buying new underwear...


As for the rash - I'd quit having sex with him and get myself tested...better safe than sorry...


Good Luck, sounds like you have a rough few months ahead of you...

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  • 2 weeks later...

I think your bofriend is acusing you of cheating because he wants to start a fight, thereforeeee it will make him feel less guilty of cheating. The extreme change in appearance and sex drive is also an indication of another woman. The excuse of working late is also the most common excuse for a man when he is unfaithful, and last, if your gut is telling you somethings wrong then listen to it. In your head you know whats going on but you feel that you need proof.

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