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Your Boyfriend Left You - So What?
Your Boyfriend Left You - So What?

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Not sure if this belongs here or in healing after breakups.

 

I had someone basically go off on me about my ex. I didn't agree with a lot of what she said, but the point got through. It's about time I stopped whining about my ex. It's not going to change anything, and it's not going to fix our friendship. So, I'm going to stop, but I want to try and get all of this out before I do.

 

The more threads I read about ex-girlfriends and boyfriends, the more I encounter the, "why do you need to be friends with him/her" type of comments. The more I thought about it, the more I understood it. When you feel like you need something, you haven't truly let go of what you had. Now I can only speak for myself in saying that I don't need to be friends with my ex. I want to. Simple as that. I can go on without us being friends, but I know I wouldn't like it. I miss her. I miss the conversations, the laughs, the support, the advice, the helpful hints/tips, the "did you hear about such and such? it's awesome, you'd love it!" type of texts/messages/calls, her rare sense of humor. I miss the friendship. I don't know about any of you, but I don't have a barrel I can reach in and pull the same type of friendship out. Of course I have close friends and we can talk and talk, but it's not the same. We've been like this for as long as I can remember, way before we ever dated. And that's a hard thing to let go of. It's hard to say, "alright, this is how she wants it, so be it!"

 

It's especially hard when I know she's just being stubborn, and for whatever reason that I can't seem to figure out, she's pushing me away. Hard. She's looking for any and every excuse for us to not be friends. I feel if I breathe a certain way, that could be an excuse. "Welp, I gotta tell ya, last night you breathed 24 times in one minute. You were breathing way too fast, it's obvious you aren't over me, we can't do this. You just breathe too fast."

 

She cheated on me, I knew of the first time, but the other times, no. When she told me of the other times, it didn't hurt like the first time. I didn't feel like it took life out of me. I was hurt cause I was lied to, hurt because she betrayed me. But I understood, yes as crazy as that sounds, I understood. It was a LDR. Her being emotionally and mentally weak, and not getting the attention and physical comfort for me, she gave in. That doesn't excuse it by any means, nor does it make it right, but I understand. If I was even half of who I was before she dumped me, if I still had feelings, there's no way that I would be able to say "I understand".

 

I don't feel like time was wasted at all, nor do I feel like she never loved me because she has hurt me so much. No one is perfect. We all have to make mistakes and fall and pick ourselves back, only to make more mistakes and repeat the process. We've all got feelings and emotions that take on wild chases and adventures, and sometimes we get lost, and end up where we never thought we would, or some place that we never intended to get to. And sometimes we get sidetracked and lose track of our destination. I don't know what the case is with her. All I know is that I don't regret it. I've changed for the better and have learned so much. Just like a child has to have a toy or privilege taken away to learn their lesson, so do we sometimes. I know I've learned more than one lesson from this.

 

Besides, I like being alone. With the exception of going out and seeing happy couples, I don't miss having someone. I like not having to answer to anyone, or feeling obligated to go out when I really don't want to. I finally enjoy it, hah. But I do miss my friend, I can't pretend it doesn't bother me. And I hope that she lets me back in someday. I truly and genuinely care about her, and if she ever were to seek my help, I'd try to help on the snap of a finger, no questions asked. Some people may think I'm a fool for that. But I can't and don't just give up when something gets hard or tough. I don't turn my back.

 

If anyone even read this and made it this far, then thanks for taking the time to. Like I said, this is the last time I'm ever whining about her, I just wanted to get all that out. Focusing on the negative never changes anything. Nor does complaining without action, and now is not the time to take action.

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Good for you!! Congratulations!=] I still don't get why people stay good friends with their ex's. Although I do understand the aspect of being with a person for a long time, it be hard to just not talk at all, but then again it does strike as you do miss something from them, that talking helps? Or what? What annoys me is how some people try to be friends with an ex because they think that way their is hope, that some day as long as they talk to them, they can get back together.

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Yeah, I definitely can't lie. Before I was over her I still had hope and was afraid if we didn't talk, she'd drift away from me and I'd never have a chance. I think a lot of people feel that way and don't realize it or choose not to. I just miss my pal. Say I wont know how to do something and I know that she'd know, those times especially I wish I could call her up and ask for help. Thats all. I'm all for her and the guy she likes though. Thanks for the reply

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