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One more step will make this a success story!


Raos18

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My story: (EDIT: I can't post URLS?)

 

I see her at least four times a week because we have class together, much different from most, if not all, the stories here I think, so ANY help is appreciated. Last time I posted, we weren't "normal" (I wasn't completely over her) and I think she still did not know how to act herself. We've been romantic lately. She calls me "baby" and continually asks me to come over and do some homework together and watch a movie, kisses on the lips, the basic old stuff when we were together. 'Mind you... it went from "I can't be with you right now, I need ME time,..." to "baby, come over please" and "I miss you can't wait to see you." Yes, I understand everyone wants to be in my position. But here's the difficult part. Despite the holding hands and texting/calls, I am still not satisfied.

 

This past weekend we spent working on a project and I helped her tremendously and at a random moment, she gave me a hug and said "I haven't said this in a long time but I love you...[seconds later]... I've always loved you but I'm not in love with you." She seems so in to me but why would she say this?

 

We do hang out often, basically everyday of the week except may a day or two. I love hanging out with her and she does too, I can tell. We are both busy but we have time for each other. Now, it's going smooth and linear, I don't plan on asking her about us in terms of a relationship. I see that she clings MORE when I don't show affection towards her, this is OK because I'm not WITH her at the moment. But how do I make her "feel" that she no longer has me like before and make her miss it... which should lead her to hopefully a physical and emotional attraction. Right now, I feel like the ball is more in her court. Will she lose interest once I become "too busy?"

 

Should I play it slow like what I've been doing or pull back and see if she bites? I might pull back this weekend about going out with her and a friend... maybe she'll miss me not being around?

 

Alright, done with my rant! Any help is appreciated, along with questions or comments! Enjoy your day.

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You obviously feel differently but in your place I would walk away from her and find someone who was in love with me.

 

We were dating for 2.5 years. She was in love and fell out. She keeps slightly pulling back by statements such as those every now and then.

 

I'll jeopardize this current relationship if I ask about us.

 

But what if I pull back?

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You don't want to be her cuddly security blanket (as in the 'i wuv my blankie' talks she's been giving you), you want a full, romantic, sexual love from her, right?

 

Right now it sounds like she's thinking security blanket when she thinks of you, and if you just continue on this path, yes, she'll 'love' you, but it gets you no closer to the full relationship you want. Most people hang onto the security blanket until they find someone else to fall romantically in love with, then they drop the blanket and run off with the new person.

 

So my advice is quit being her security blanket. You want someone that wants all of you, romance and sex, and you need to go find a girl who wants that. Perhaps if she sees you going off to get someone new she might realize she's losing you and snap out of it, but if all she wants is a security blanket, hanging around with her forever won't fix that.

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You make a great point and that's what I'm afraid of, being just her "bestest friend everrrr" kind of thing. On occasions we are physical but nowhere close to when we were together. I also feel that she isn't FULLY attracted to me, and especially because I really know her and how she was during our relationship. She needs to WANT me bad basically, it's just very hard to decide if I should go with the groove or back off and make her realize.

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I think if you're in place where you're strategizing what you should do or say in order to make her feel a certain way, then it's probably not a good idea to pursue this relationship. It just seems like you're overthinking this and overplanning things.

 

I definitely do think about what I say to her and how I should say it, maybe a little too over analyzing at times, but it's not to make her feel special, it's to make sure I'm not making myself look desperate or look like a fool.

 

It's funny, because at one point during our relationship, I felt like she was better off as just being a friend but that has turned COMPLETELY when she's no longer with me. This is why I feel if I back off and play the role of not being there for her 24/7... she'll miss and realize what she's lost. Would it be a bad idea to say it blatantly?

 

"I'm thinking of focusing on myself and maybe giving us some space, we are getting extremely close and I don't want to put myself at risk again..."

 

The full feeling of a relationship just isn't there yet...

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