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letter to a cheater


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has anyone ever written a letter to their cheating ex for closure?


i'm not so sure he deserves my words since he has not shown that much remorse. just in person he has said he's sorry and never meant to hurt me, but he's not really the best at communicating his feelings.


i want to write something to the effect of beyond all the mess, the hurt, and rage that i'm feeling that was caused by the betrayal, it's worth remembering that we had once shared a true, meaningful love.


don't know if it's just too much to say, or if i am looking to him like i'm still holding onto him. i don't want him to think that.

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you know i'm always like that--- wanting to tell someone how i feel. but the reality is-- it makes you feel worse, especially because it is a letter and you don't necessarily get a reaction. he more than likely treated you bad because he didn't care that much about how you felt and so a letter will not change that. he may not even reply back and then you feel worse. it's better for you to heal. write that letter and post it on here and we can read it and you have a way to vent your feelings without contacting him and feeling worse about it...

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Write it. Pour it all out on paper. Let it ALL OUT. Every single thing you feel. Every single thing you want to say.... every single piece of anger,

emotion, resentment.... EVERYTHING.


Write it.


And then... go out to your back yard... get a match... and torch it.

Give it a proper burial. Let go of your tears and let it all go into the wind.


Go back in the house.... make yourself a nice cup of tea... pour a glass of wine....light some candles in your bathroom... Take a long bath... and release all the pent up energy into the water. Get out of the bath.... and watch the water drain.... watch all of the bad ju-ju go down the drain and leave your space.


Put on your favorite PICK ME UP music.... and then enjoy the rest of the day.... or night.


Point is... let it go.


By sending him an email and letting him know how much you hurt.. and what you feel... you are looking for him to validate you. You are looking to WIN. You are looking to make him feel... as bad as you do. Well... if he doesn't answer...which he probably won't. You'll only make yourself feel worse. You'll wonder if you've STABBED him. If you even registared on his wave length. You'll end up only making things worse for yourself.


Validate and ackowledge yourself. He did you wrong. You feel bad. Your ego has taken a blow. OK.... time to pick yourself up.. peel yourself off the kitchen floor and MOVE on. Get on with it. Write the letter... burn it.. bury it... and get it out of your system.

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I wrote one to my ex when our relationship finally gave up the ghost. It was a vain attempt for her to see the light and I knew the chances where slim to none that things would be successful but I also knew that going in. At the time I was more telling her how I felt than anything else, one step toward closure if you will, more like a final eff-you really. The fact that it didn't change her actions and she didn't come back to me (at that time) mattered little to be honest, I just wanted her to know that I had tried to fix things and that she didn't give me a chance too or meet me halfway even after she cheated on me and treated me like crap. I do agree with the other posters though and especially agree with Shadows Light. Pour it all out and then destroy it.

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star - what did you write to him?

was he ever remorseful and did he leave you for someone else?


He cheated on me the whole time we were together- no one particular girl. Remorseful- I don't think so. He did say he was sorry- but I suspect only for getting caught.


As for the mails- I've written plenty- expressing regret, hurt, disappointment. Wrote my last one a couple of weeks ago. I never got any replies ever.


Like another person suggested, write your letter, but don't send it.

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ShadowsLight beat me to it (good to see around here again, btw).


Write it. Take several days if you need to. Print it, then burn that sucker and scatter the ashes.


Make it into a personal ritual/funeral for the relationship. Make it as elaborate or simple as you want. Some of the ones I've done involved travel/vacation to dispose of the ashes or finding some secluded place in a park and screaming (not reading, screaming) the whole thing out before burning. Include whatever would be significant to you or feels right-- in the context of it being a personal ritual or funeral -- that means you're not going to involve the ex...they are dead to you now....and you're probably not going to involve other people...with the exception of perhaps a therapist if you have one.


I've done some version of a personal ritual/funeral at the end of just about every romantic relationship that's crashed and burned and found it very cathartic. Heck, I even did one when I left the Job from Hell back in 04. The last 6 or so months I worked there I had to be on medication due to a work-related nervous breakdown. That personal ritual involved taking the antidepressants I had left over after tapering off them and tossing them, one by one, into the desert on a trip to Vegas.

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Heck, I even did one when I left the Job from Hell back in 04. The last 6 or so months I worked there I had to be on medication due to a work-related nervous breakdown. That personal ritual involved taking the antidepressants I had left over after tapering off them and tossing them, one by one, into the desert on a trip to Vegas.


Glad to be back !!!


Ohhhhh I like this... it SPEAKS TO ME. Never thought of doing it for

the end of my "WORK" relationship. huh. Thank-you. It just goes to show there's a reason and a season for everything. A reason I clicked on this post... when you help someone else... you help yourself. Or.. you learn from other people. Thanks!!!


OP... I know you are conflicted wanting to lash out at your BF. Want him to hurt and feel what you feel. But it's really not a contructive use of your time and energy. You've spent enough energy on this guy already.

He'll get his... Karma has a way repaying old scores and debts. Don't sweat it.


Shes2Smart mentioned going out into the woods and SCREAMING your lungs out. That made me grin. My brother suggested the same to mee at one time. I felt foolish going out in the middle of the woods and doing this. Thinking maybe someone will hear me and send the men in the white coats to get me with that special little jacket with the shiney buckles. lol.


SO.... my brother did the next best thing for me. He bought me concert tickets. He bought me AREOSMITH tickets. He gave me a few dollars pocket money for parking, refreshments and a t-shirt. And told me to go and have a good time. The only thing he wanted me to do was.... SCREAM. Go and SCREAM as loud as I can... let it go... let all that angst.... anger... energy go and be released at that concert.


Guess what?


It worked.

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I'm a fan of doing these personal rituals outside...the more secluded and remote the location the better.




There's nothing quite like nature -- trees and rocks and mountains and creeks and oceans -- to show you that life goes on. All those things were here before I was, they'll be here long after I'm gone and each has an innate ability to cleanse/heal itself. With my alcoholic ex, I did the letter writing/burning, but I also took a ring he had given me and held it in my left hand envisioning all my pain and anger and going into the ring. Then I threw it into a creek. Not only did it get the ring out of my life, but also left me the vision of my pain and anger being washed away and absorbed into the earth to be cleansed -- something that's been here long before me and will be here long after I'm gone.

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I walked away from my ex without so much as a goodbye and have not spoken to her since. I've written three letters to her but not sent a single one.


Each one contains the thoughts and feelings I was experiencing at the time of writing them.


Now if I look back at the first, I think to myself, I would totally not send that now. I'm glad that I never did.


As time passes your feelings change.


My thoughts now go like this....


Did she have any respect or consideration for me or our reletionship when she was carrying on behind my back with another guy?

Was she being anything other than a selfish little $%^& when she lied to me about where she was and what she was doing?

Did I do anything to deserve to be treated in the way that I was?


No, No, No and NO.


She may well have shed a tear and said how sorry she was, When I saw them together!!

Does she deserve any of my time or attention now? NO!!!!!

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  • 2 years later...

Exactly what I was thinking! My letter to him was tilted "Destroyed"


Exactly what I was feeling. My letter was tiltled "destroyed".



You have destroyed whatever hope there was for a forever lasting friendship from someone

who cared about you, would do anything for you and

loved you unconditionally.

Now, every good thing you've done

Every memory I had, Every moment I spent with you

Over Three Years

is meaningless



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