Struggling Relationship Advice Needed

[chido_wilzon]

I met this nice, outgoing girl in a Group Organization where Young people

 

attend.

I started to have feelings for her, and I share this with friends from this

organization who than told her I liked her without me knowing.

Weeks Later There was an event held Where I asked her to be my girlfriend

on a Sunday, She said no. A day later or two, She Contacts me Via-Messenger

And says to me That she thought about it and said Yes to wanting to be my GF.

We made it official on the 28 of April the day we see each other again.

 

I am now 1 Year, 4 Months. (3 more days n i'll be 1yr 5Months)

And I am so in love with her, I'll do anything for her.

And willing to spend the rest of my life with her.

She lives about 1hr away from me.

I see her mainly Saturday, Sunday and the Occasionaly 1 day of the week.

(so you could say its a long distances relationship)

 

But had problems during the course of our relationship.

All our problems have being similiar and related to guys.

 

 

A little history of our problems.

We all go to the same Organization were we see each other.

 

(First Problem is This guy we'll called him Guy #1,

Who is her friend and mine. He started to be very

close to my girlfriend, till later my gf tells me

He asked a kiss from her and she said she declined

I got the attention of Guy #1 and told him I saw

you as my friend and i don't ever want you near my

gf. I also told my gf to ignore this guy she agreed

 

Second Problem is this Guy#2 was my friend and hers.

He started to be very close to my gf. And says

that he wants to dance with her, And wants to go

out on a date with her. I am angred by this, told

the guy to stop contacting her. I told my Gf to

ignore this guy and says will do as I ask. But only

to find time and time again she has contact with him

on her cell phone And Messenger. I am sad and angry

by this that I hacked the Guy#2's email just for

him to stop contacting her. He than makes a new

email and adds my gf, she adds him after i told

her not to. My girlfriend tells me that he said,

Guy#2 don't care what I think and will want her to be

her friend. I don't want to lose my girlfriend

so i kinda wanted to try to accept him as her friend,

so I kept on bringing how i don't want guy#2 as your friend

on our course of relationship even now its still an issue.

As she goes to the same college as him, and tells me

that she's friends with him and helps her around school.

Knowing that i don't like him at all.

 

Our third Problem occurred not so long ago where Guy#3

Used to one of my best friends. He started to become

Very very close to my girlfriend that they started to

call each other brother and sister. I wasn't bothered,

As he is my best friend and she's my gf. After a while

I started to become jealous if you will. After seeing

how much he really liked my girlfriend to the point

where her name was on her "blog" "Messenger name"

And little things like that. My girlfriend later tells

me hesitating whether or not to tell me. I just said

If you want to. So she tells me that He asked a kiss from her

accidentally.

So my gf said "oh okay" My gf tells him out

of curiosity "Who was the kiss to anyway?"

Guy#3 says: it is for you.

My GF: But we are brother and sister.

Guy#3 says: Yes but not from blood. (implying its okay

since there not really brother and sister.)

My GF: I have a boyfriend and you know that.

Guy#3 Says: Yes I know.

I told her to stop contact with him

And decided to talk to him in person. (since

he used to be my best friend try to see really

why he said that to her)

When we did saw him my gf wanted to talk to him

first than us together is said okay.

After a bit she told me to come and started to

say it was a mis understanding even before

i started to talk to him after a bit. I told

him if he meant it. he said no. But I could tell

right away he was lying. After that i still told

my gf to stay away from him.)

 

 

Another incident is where at an apartment

both of our friends were at;

Decided to play the old classic game spin the bottle.

It started from just truth to dare, to serious dares.

It was obvisoly to me that well I'am only gonna do

stuff with my gf which i loved. But my gf

was showing signs that she was willing to kiss other guys.

Long story short after this i told her why she

felt like this.

She says "I thought you wouldn't mind

a kiss is just a kiss"

I said I won't allow this, if that's your mind set i can't be with you.

She says "Okay won't happened again"

Little things like this make me fell in secure of her.

 

 

Another one was where we had a fight, where

my gf thought I was gonna break up with her.

She told our problems to this guy#4.

This guy#4 tells her that he likes

her and wants her to give him a chance knowing

that i'am her boyfriend.

And after we make-up she told me this dilemma

and is still good friends with this guy.

Who wanted to steal her from me if you will.

 

My gf told me this Guy#5 in college wrote a song for her.

My gf says she dodges this guy ever since he told her that.

Later she tells me this guy is obsessed with her,

That when he saw a picture of Mygf and Me, Guy#5 told

her to take it down. My gf did take it down

cause she was scared of him.

Also when Guy#5 saw Guy#2 talking to him Guy#5 pushed him.

(Thats how i found how she still talks to Guy#2 and

MyGF, Guy#5, and Guy#2 all go to the same college)

 

 

Thats maily our problem at the moment.

Right now all of em are her friends still.

 

Guy#1 occasionally see her and greet each other.

 

Guy#2 When I'am around he don't really get close to her

cause i don't let him, But know they do in college that they talk a lot, and that fact

 

that they sign each other blogs.

 

Guy#3 still calls her sister, and don't greet her

when im around also cause i don't let him. But know

they still talk a lot.

 

Guy#4 Was never my friend. That i know

of they are still good friend.

 

Guy#5 My gf tells me, she won't listen to

him anymore. Says that she don't care about him.

 

I tried to accept them at least Guy#1,2,3,4 but really the more I try the more I can't

 

stand em in our lives.

The thing is I told my girlfriend to not contact them

Yet they are friends.

Thinking of how they are friends makes me sad and angry.

I feel as they won a battle and I lost.

I told my gf that, and says "But don't you have me isn't

that better"

I say Yes your right. And she is but still

thinking of how this guys wanted to destroy our

relationship and how they are friends just makes me

fill with sorrow...

 

The thing is Should I step aside accept them as her friends?

Know they wanted to destroy our relationship.

 

Should I step up and tell her, I don't want em period.

It either them or me?

 

I just don't wanted them in our lives.

I truly love my Girlfriend I could be with her till the end of time.

But of course I want to be happy. I want to prevent

This problems as much as possible. Any advice how to go about this Would be very

 

grateful

 

Would appreciate any comments towards this.

Thanks You.

[dan10]

ok first off i know this sounds mean but i think you might be a smidge to controlling. based on what you wrote your gf has never done anything to be unfaithful to you. the closest thing to crossing the line that she did was having fun at a party. which isnt anywhere near crossing any lines. she's right about a kiss just being a kiss.

 

i dont know you personally but i believe that if all the guys were girls and they did this you wouldnt have a problem with your gf still being friends with them.

 

if any of this sounds true for you then keep reading and i'll give you my thoughts on each individual situation.

 

if you think i am a complete nutcase and dont want to hear any more about this then stop reading, but i think you should really consider what i'm saying.

 

guy 1

 

likes your girlfriend the same way you do and tries to have a relationship with her (which is pretty much what happened with you)

as far as i can see this guy started to like your gf and wanted to be more then friends, so he asked her for a kiss and she refused. unless your gf is wearing an engagement ring i dont see anything wrong with this. maybe i am missing something. you didnt say that he tried again after the first attempt so i cant find anything that should make you upset with him.

 

guy 2

 

does the same thing as guy 1 by liking a girl (which we all know is a horrible thing to do) and then is friendly with her. again your gf showed no signs of being unfaithful and it is completely normal for guys to want to go out with your gf. and unless she has a ring on her finger there is no reason that these guys should believe that they have no chance until they try. what YOU did when you hacked his email was completely immoral and wrong. your gf is going to have friends whether you like it or not and that is something that every guy in a relationship has to learn to deal with. one guy is not enough in a girls life to make her happy. and if she had to choose between being with you forever and loosing her friends or keeping her friends and finding a new boyfriend she'd probably pick keeping her friends. so dont give her that altimatum. and to top it off this is the guy that is protecting her from someone you and her dont like so you should actually want him around her if you cant be there to watch your gf.

 

guy 3

 

again same story. guy likes your gf she is completely faithful to you, tries to avoid any problems by saying it was a misunderstanding and you decide that you dont like her friends.

 

guy 4

 

this is slightly different and is exactly what should have happened. guy 4 liked your gf and then WAITED until she thought your relationship was over before he asked her out. (absolutely nothing wrong with this... in fact it is the perfect way to do things) then you make up with your gf and she is still completely faithful but you dont like this guy because he likes your gf

 

guy 5

 

weirdo. not much to say about him really. he's just a creepy guy and there are those kinds of people in the world that we have to deal with. from what you wrote your girlfriend is trying to avoid this guy and he is just obsessive. you should thank guy 2 for trying to get rid of guy 5 and try and keep your gf around people who she knows arent creepy like this guy 5 so that they can keep him at a distance.

 

 

overall (with the exception of guy 5) i think that you are a bit to controlling about who your gf can and cant be friends with, you need to loosen up a bit, and if you cant learn to accept these guys as her friends then just pretend to accept them as her friends because they make your gf happy. (otherwise she wouldnt talk to them) and if you really love your gf like you say you do then you should be more then willing to accept these guys for her sake. just as long as she stays faithful to you, she'll let you know if these guys are crossing the line.

[chido_wilzon]

Thanks Dan, I was being looking forward to a reply, And your right, perhaps I should just

chill a bit.

I guess I just didn't want to feel as they won is all. Don't get me wrong, I did try to accept them but Just get falling back to my view of them winning.

But its not about that is it. Its whats best for us.

I'll attempted to change my attitude.

 

Thanks so much for you advice, and for taking the time to read.

[chido_wilzon]

This is something one of my friends told me first before reading your post, which got me to think I was right.

 

 

 

 

""He asked a kiss from her and she said she declined" This is classic guilt admittance"

 

"Guy#2"

 

"So she tells me that He asked a kiss from her

accidently." see guy #1

 

"signs that she was willing to kiss other guys" See the pattern?

 

"guy#4" see above

 

"Also when Guy#5 saw Guy#2 talking to him Guy#5 pushed him.

(Thats how i found how she still talks to Guy#2 and

MyGF, Guy#5, and Guy#2 all go to the same college)"

 

"The thing is Should I step aside accept them as her friends?

Know they wanted to destroy our relationship." Wilson....If i had to tell you how much experience i have had in the past with this type of girl you would sit down and take my words seriously, i wish you all the luck in the world my friend i really do but this girl is a classic behind the backer! she will grind you down buddy.My advice (it is only that) is get out of the relationship asap, the jelousy, and way this will make you feel is not worth it.You love her, yes but love yourself more.

I hope it works for you whatever decision you make but i personally would not touch her with a bargepole........Good luck.....Bam""