Why?

[Capella]

Ok, so my boyfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago. He got a new girlfriend right away and I now have a new boyfriend. However, a few days ago he texted me saying he wanted to be friends because he still valued me a lot, but added that for now we could only be friends. He said he still thought of me and would compare me to others and consider me an option if he figured out that I was the right one for him. I told him that I didn't think it was possible and that I had a boyfriend. Right after asking who it was he said goodnight. It was obvious that it bothered him that I had someone new. Then he started texting asking me to go on MSN. I didn't for a while.

 

One morning I had gone out early and come back home around 11am or so. He texted again asking to ask me to go on MSN. I told him I had just come home and would be leaving soon. Right away he got upset and asked if I had even slept at home (assuming I had spent the night at my boyfriend's house). I refused to answer and he pressed and said "well??"

 

Then when I finally did go on MSN he started asking what my boyfriend's name is, where he is from, what he does, if we have intelligent conversations, if he's ambitious, and even what he looked like and how I met him. He'll ask "how is he doing?" in a dry way. He obviously doesn't care. He also notices when I change my status on MSN and if it is remotely romantic, he asks "is that for him? how sweet." Then at other times, he will make comments such as "I heard all *insert my new boyfriend's ethnicity* are born with AIDS. You should keep that in mind." As to mean that I shouldn't be with someone so bad as him. Or he'll say, "have fun after work with your boyfriend" as if wanting for me to deny that I will be with him.

 

If I am not friendly or responsive and only say "yes" or "no" or "I guess" to his questions, he'll get upset and say, "I'm going to leave you alone now because you're being cold." How does he expect me to act? I don't get it. What does he want?

 

This is NOT what friendships are about. As friends, he shouldn't ask if I sleep at home or what I do with my new boyfriend or make snide little jealous comments. He shouldn't even WANT to know. He said we would only be friends...so why talk to me like that? I certainly never inquire about his girlfriend. I don't even THINK about asking about her.

 

So WHY? Aren't people in new relationships, especially if they were the ones to break up, totally disinterested in their exes? I mean, I have seen people on here say "when they have someone new, they won't talk to you, the ex, anymore." But here, they have been together for only a few weeks, and he's already acting jealous and possessive over me? How does that make sense?

 

He also talks to me as if nothing wrong had ever gone between us and has normal conversations about topics we both enjoy. He'll even say, as I leave, "I am looking forward to having awesome conversations with you again 8)." It must mean he can't have the same sort of conversations with his new girlfriend or something. I mean, they should be spending time together for being "newlyweds," so to speak, but he's always on MSN. What the heck is going on?

 

I don't even think his girlfriend knows we talk or that he acts this way and asks me such things...or that he still thinks of me, has feelings for me, and is considering me an option. Right? Because I don't think she'd be ok with that.

 

And if he is still considering me an option and obviously has feelings for me, why would he talk to me so soon after getting with someone else and confessing that to me (that he is considering me an option)? And why so obviously let me know he is jealous, has feelings for me, and cares whom I am with and when? It is obvious he thinks of me all of the time. He has texted me first thing in the morning with things he should be sharing with a girlfriend...with things he shared when WE were together. We have broken up before and he has never done this while with someone or while pursuing someone. This type of behavior has only come when he intends to get back with me. He acted this way and said the exact same things when we got back together the last time. Yet I know this time is different and we won't be getting back together so soon. So it is even more confusing.

 

I think I am going to stop talking to him because it is so weird, I don't get it, and it makes me sort of uncomfortable. In any case, I think I may still have feelings for him and I believe in the old adage "Absense makes the heart grow fonder." How can he miss me and value what I gave him, if I still give it to him while he has a girlfriend? He'll just have the best of two worlds. I refuse to be that. He has to realize what he threw away. And plus, it is so freaking confusing to me. I don't get why so soon after getting with someone, he is acting this way with me.

 

HELP.

[Caterina]

I think you know deep down all the answers. You're fine, don't get too worried, you'll figure things out. I agree that if you're broken up, he isn't acting right.

[nikesnlevis]

I think him saying "All *whatever* are born with aids" should of been enough for you, to see his true colors. Dudes a loser. Go on with your life, and leave him alone.

[PiscesIscariot]

It was obviously him being jealous like an ex usually is to start off with, but by being racist, tht should have been your cue to say goodbye and hit the block button and ignore any texts he sends. Forget about him.

 

Me and my ex are doing the same thing and being friends because we feel that getting back together after we finish our uni courses would be a good idea. It's been a bit too soon since our break up to really get into a relationship, but we've made out with other people since our break up but we don't tell each other. I don't want to know about her and she doesn't want to know about me, simple as that.

 

This guys just being a loser, drop him and move on with things, life can only get better.

[Capella]

I think him saying "All *whatever* are born with aids" should of been enough for you, to see his true colors. Dudes a loser.

 

 

It was obviously him being jealous like an ex usually is to start off with, but by being racist, that should have been your cue to say goodbye and hit the block button and ignore any texts he sends. Forget about him.

 

 

He isn't actually racist. Far from it. The point of that was to show he is jealous and that he doesn't want me to be with another guy, which I don't get at all since he broke up and now has a new girlfriend. He has never been the type to be jealous to start off with. He has never been the jealous type AT ALL. He has never contacted me at all, in fact, right after breaking up...not even when he didn't have a girlfriend. So for him to contact me and be jealous and stuff with me when he does have a new girl confuses me even more. I don't get what is going on at all. I wish someone would have some insight into this.

[ycmanvs]

He still has feelings for you and is acting out. You should not be communicating with him at this point because he is just trying to get your attention and a reaction from you. There is no need to keep in touch if he is acting this way. Real friends do not do this to each other.

[Capella]

He still has feelings for you and is acting out. You should not be communicating with him at this point because he is just trying to get your attention and a reaction from you. There is no need to keep in touch if he is acting this way. Real friends do not do this to each other.

 

I agree. I don't want to be overconfident, but I do believe he still loves me. I really don't want to talk to him because afterward I feel kind of sad and lonely knowing that he isn't MY boyfriend and that despite him letting me know, even if indirectly, that he loves me and is jealous, he is still with someone else. Plus, I now know I have feelings for him still and I don't want him to take me for granted.

 

What is best? (Btw, I do know NC is to help me and I know it does help, because I have done it before). Will going NC help him miss me and really think about what I meant to him or will it help him forget me? Is talking to him now and then going to make him take me for granted instead of missing me? Is it better for him to not know what is going on with me so he will seriously analyze our relationship and what he is doing now? I do want him back and I want to do what will help that happen most, but I don't know if it is Contact or NC. I tend to believe that "absense makes the heart grow fonder" but I don't know from experience what works best, talking to him or going NC.

[ycmanvs]

I am really confused because I thought that you said that you both are currently in other relationships with new significant others. I do not think it is fair to the new people to keep in touch with your ex and hope that they come back to you.