People dont really get me

[mr me]

I dont really feel like im gonna write on this forum alot more but this is probably a good time for me to talk about this. Ive always had to deal with being really different in a toxic and very unsupportive environment. Ive been somewhat close to few people in my life. Its just for whatever reason everyone i have ever been close with has left me. I could say from my parents to all my friends. The only friends i have now which sometimes it feels weird for me to call them friends are people im not really close with. Ive also been struggling alot with my past relationships especially my first one. Ive never been happier and was really in love but it was also really toxic. She would always try to break up with me and it made my abandonment issues 100 times worse. Its just the break-up almost seemed to make everything worse. I totally lost my memory when we broke up and all i could remember was her leaving me and i was really out of my mind tryin to get her back. Its just i knew i couldnt keep doing that to myself so i had to find a way to stop myself. Im still struggling with that and how emotional abuse can be a really hard think to get over its been a real battle.

 

I basically spend all my time by myself. I dont really seem to be that social of a person. I remember growing up and being proud of myself how i never had to talk to anyone. Its just i know that can make you go kinda crazy but it seems like my issues always get in the way of me making any progress. Also ive had to deal with pretty much being depressed my whole life and the effect that can have on you. Im also sometimes think that my depression cant be treated because from my family not really doing good in therapy to me having that same issue, it just doesnt seem to work. I think the only thing that saves me alot of the time is all the psychology stuff i know because i feel like i have a natural talent for that. Its just my abusive ex also had that same dream so its been a real problem for me to pursue my dream or just what i think im good at. I also seem to have alot of trouble abandoning people because of all my abadonment issues so its hard. I feel like in someways that ive been struggling to keep my sanity all my life. I just feel like i keep putting up my wall because of how alot of people just dont really get me. Its like even the people that ive been close to have had trouble really understanding stuff about me. I also feel like how people dont really understand that they dont seem to get where im coming from.

 

I also deal with alot of jealousy from everyone and i mean everyone. I could go from my parents to my friends and family. It just seems like i have alot of talent and potential but i havent really been able to do much because im always struggling with my demons or my personal problems. I then get alot of pressure from people and have perfectionist and idealistic expectations put on me and it just makes it worse. I then have to deal with those same problems with myself because thats what im around. It just seems like some people dont get that cognitive therapy doesnt work for everyone especially if your suffering from OCD symptoms. I have problems with my memory being blocked so its like i have these issues that no matter how hard i try to work on them, they wont change until my memory fixes itself. Im also super sensitive so its like that on top of my depression is just so crazy because it really just get to the point where everything bothers me.

 

Today i read about this writer that his lifestory kinda reminded me of my own. He struggled with chronic depression and he took medicine for over 20 years and he never really got control of it. He committed suicide so its pretty crazy because im also a writer and i always worried about my life being depressed because im already so lonely. I just feel like i somehow connected with his struggle. He was really successful but it never changed how things where in his personal life which is something ive been thinking about alot lately. I just got this book about success and the traps it can cause because some people try to be successful so much but that doesnt always equal happiness so its seem like it wouldnt make sense. Its just if you always try to be successful sometimes it can be a way to get away from other problems in your life so it talks about balancing out success in your own life and professional life. Its simply called Success Trap. Its like me just writing all of this people will sometimes complain about i write too much but i dont really get all of that. You have the right to your opinion but sometimes it just makes it harder because if you needed to get alot off your chest, its hard to have someone then come around and say you wrote too much.

 

I seem to always struggle with being comfortable doing anything to help myself and it confuses me alot but somehow thats just a human reaction to something. I just dont know what yet.

[purpleduckie]

I think you need to stop stressing the "people don't really get me" thing. I think we're all alone, really. Nobody really truly understands another. As the saying go, "if we're all alone, then we're all together in that too." So while we don't understand each other, we really DO. We're the same, but we're different. (man, it makes so much sense in my head...).

 

Can you go see a counselor for your abandonment issue? I have it too, but it has gotten a lot better. I enjoy being alone now, but I do enjoy company as well. But that's pretty much it, I enjoy their company. I don't rely on them. I don't need anyone to understand me, and I don't need someone to be there for me. pardon my bluntness, but I got a sense of irresponsibility in your post. What you do with your life is up to you. The stress you described from people, you can remove. However, you should be doing something with your life.

 

I can relate somewhat there, as my parents are super ambitious people. I was always expected to be the best of the best. I was put in so many different private schools. I was supposed to be speaking 5 different languages, win a million different national awards, and a full scholarship to harvard or something. My parents expected EVERYTHING out of me. My childhood was spent in school, literally 6 am until 7pm plus homework. I think I've played video games maybe 3 times in my entire childhood. It was stressful and as the result, I plummeted. I slacked off in school and withdrew socially.

 

My parents added more pressure and I just withdrew that much more. I was ultimately kicked out of school for my lack of effort. After a year of doing nothing, I decided that *I* wanted things out of life and that *I* wanted to go to college and DO things with my life. So, I got up and did it. I made so many changes in my life and I realize that only I am responsible for myself.

 

I don't care if people don't understand me and I don't care that my mom is disappointed I'm not in business. I don't care that my dad is disappointed because I'm not pre-med. I simply do not care what others expectations of me are. I do what is right for me and only that.

 

If you feel that you're not who you want to be, change that. Take matters into your own hand and DO it.

If you feel that you are indeed who you want to be and when you die, you would like to remember you as that, then continue what you're doing.

 

 

But Do not make any excuses for yourself.You have control over what you do. Your habits don't control you.

 

 

ENA isn't perfect, but it isn't toxic and certainly not unsupportive.

[mr me]

I dont really know what to say because anything that i say will come off as negative or as an excuse. I can see where your coming from tho. Its just unless your a depressed person i dont think u can understand that its not just get up and go. You cant tell a person with cancer or AIDS to just not have cancer or AIDS. Its a very common perception of people that its something your doing wrong. I could have asked you when u were doing bad in what you explained why didnt u at that time in your life just change things around and make it better. It was a process that took time and the right setting or environment. Also i dont know if you know what its like to be over-sensitive because things just bother you so much that you rant and complain alot. Im a very difficult person and have had to grow up with those qualities that are part of my personality so its not like i can just change them.

 

Its just when your as lonely as i am i think its a natural defense mechanism to just complain that no one understands you. I try to write on this site when im not doing bad but usually it just seems like its an outlet for me when im really down and dont have anyone to help me. I usually am or i should say was a very self-dependent person who would dealt with my own problems but since ive gone thru my depression that part of me seems to have completely died. I guess also how im a difficult person i seem to really dislike other difficult people which is also a pretty natural reaction because people dont seem to like others who are like them. I just have moodswings that go all over the place and its really just a miserable ride.

 

Also i dont know what it is with people with excuses. I see it as a person that is having trouble dealing with there life so its an escape. I just dont know if everyone thinks that all problems are fixed so easily that someone could just do things differently and wouldnt have to worry about it. I know that its not an answer or a way to fix or get out of your problems but i feel like people make that into a bigger deal than it is. I usually just feel like people dont understand my issues so they cant really show empathy or understanding. Its like if you went to jail alot of people see that as a perception that you did something bad. Its just if you looked at it further he could be an innocent man and is now going to go thru the problems of having to cope with that experience. Also some people come out and want to change others come out and dont. Its just me i couldnt really understand what its like so i couldnt really help that person in the sense of understanding or empathy but i could probably help them with just taking the steps out to get out of there. So its like for me i didnt get alot of help from therapy so i couldnt really understand how therapy could work for someone and vice versa that person might not understand how therapy didnt work for me.

[mr me]

Also i feel like im still struggling with going thru something that i was a victim in so its still hard for me to work thru that when the things ive gone thru are still causing me alot of pain.

[mr me]

I will say on a positive note that i do hope to get myself out of this and hopefully see myself being better able to take your advice.

[mr me]

I dont know because i find it weird because most people dont seem to answer back when you had something good to say to them. I guess thats just with my experiences. I do feel really misunderstood i guess which is kinda something i cant change just not something that is always so easy to accept. I will just say that when i was with my 1st ex that i felt like we had a bond where we understood each other alot. We used to joke around about how maybe we were twins that got separated at birth. Its just for whatever reason she decided to change and end the relationship. So its pretty much been the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I just feel like somehow this has alot to do with me feeling like i had someone like that in my life and lost that person. So im trying to just deal with it eventho sometimes i dont even know how to or even see that i can.

[purpleduckie]

mr me, i'm pretty much like you too. i left a lot out of that previous post. i suffered from depresion, abandonment issues and pretty much everything you said. i actually still do somewhat and it's a struggle for me from time to time. since i've made changes, i was amazed at how happy i am. i used to want to die all the time, woke up and just went back to sleep, thinking about how i'd love to just... disappear. what happened to me, was that i just got sick of feeling sorry for myself and sick of not living. yes, you are right. it is a process and until you realize that your life really sucks this way and that it needs to change, nothing will happen. the will to LIVE life doesn't come out of no where. it's not magic and i understand the feeling of hopelessness. that's why i'm on here, to help others who are going through the same thing i was. while i was depressed, i felt alone and misunderstood too. it was a comforting feeling, oooh things aren't like that, i'm like this because _____. i'm just MISUNDERSTOOD!.you know? it was comforting and relaying the blame of my sorry excuse of a life on other people. i could very much blame my parents for my demise but it was me - i didn't speak up and i let them over power me.

 

what i did was do things in steps, which i'm still continuing right now. the first and best thing i did was to remove a very evil bestfriend in highschool from my life. she was negative and brought me down. (removing negative people out of your life is very very important!) i moved to another place, which really helps me break my habits! (can you move? or just rearrange your room, clean it and decorate it differently... this should give you a new nicer DIFFERENT environment, sometimes this helps with your attitude and feelings too!). i started concentrating on *me* and the things i'd like to do. (i actually enjoy school so i worked at that and thereforee, had something to pride on. i also started playing the piano again, there another thing that is "me".)

 

i know where you're coming from, dear. i had an extremely bad habit, promiscuity. i decided to stop having sex, but failed 4 months later. It's been almost another 4 months and I'm still working at that. The thing is, everyone is struggling somewhat. We struggle a bit more than others, perhaps due to circumstances, but everyone struggles.

 

As for your ex gf, maybe there IS a reason she left you? *MAYBE*, maybe not. If there were a legit reason, I'd explore it and see if it's something in you that repel people. Having a friend really helps in improving self, I heard. Personally, I did it by myself and prefer that.

 

Get to it, Mr me. One step at a time. Soon the drive will increase as you go. don't worry about relapses, make small changes work at it and then relax a bit. you don't have to constantly work at it or you'll "run out of steam" and give up entirely because it's too hard! work a bit at a time, it may take years but you'll be a different person. you'll be happy and be someone who will attract others because you're that much happier! i wish you all the best!

[purpleduckie]

btw, nobody likes a complainer. it brings people down. start to find positive things to say and stop yourself from THINKING negatively. Again, small steps!

 

 

I hope I helped. =)

[mr me]

Im actually kinda shocked to hear alot of good stuff. I feel like most people would have taken what i said to almost an attack at them and you were able to get it wasnt meant to be like that. I dont think i would write if i wasnt trying to help myself or fight with myself to get thru this. I do agree with alot of stuff you said as well am still trying to work myself out of doing things that you described as well. I dont completely see that complaining is bad because everyone gets frustrated sometimes and people can be supportive and see that it was just something in the moment. I really wish i could get away from all of this madness. Its just expensive to live where i do so hopefully i can find a better job which im still trying to look for.

 

I guess i would get into the whole ex thing but i dont really know if it would be good for me to talk about her because its too much of a downer. I will just say she said stuff which were her reasons but its really didnt have much to do with anything i could have done differently. She just seemed to show me a side of her that she i guess wasnt ready to show me. Its just the loss from everything was too much that its been really bad trying to work thru it all. I would say i would have liked getting help but i dont feel like with all the issues im going thru that someone could really know what to do. Its just like a big mess all over the place.

[purpleduckie]

i rarely get defensive, because i am sure of myself. people can say whatever and i won't get mad. when you talk to people, you have to realize that most people are still insecure and will take things offense to things you say. but in anycase, i'm here trying to help! complaining isn't bad, but when that's all you do and don't do anything about what you're complaining about... then that's just going to irritate a lot of people and drive them away.

 

i'm glad you got some good stuff from my post. goodluck with everything!

[mr me]

thanks and i also got what u were saying in that post.