Sneaky McSneakerson

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Do you think it's is feasible that someone would be extremely secretive with their laptop just because they're embarrassed or worried about the porn they consume?

 

*Not really letting me look at it when he's using it

*Always shutting it down whenever he leaves

*Clearing his history every time he uses it

*Being sort of clingy with it and taking it wherever he goes

 

He's not a college student, he doesn't need it for work- it's recreation. But what kind!? Hah. I so want to trust him. SO BAD.

 

When someone is being secretive- you always think something really shady is going on. I'm teaching myself not to jump to conclusions, but there is always a saying running through my head. If you feel like something is going on, it probably is.

 

I guess maybe I'm just asking for someone to look in their crystal ball and tell me the truth about my boyfriend after all this time, knowing that can't happen.

GRR!

[Mythical_Suicide]

My laptop goes EVERYWHERE with me, I even take it to work with me. I clear out the cookies and history each and everytime I use it (keeps it from cluttering up and running slow) and I keep it shut down all the time so it doesn't overheat. Can't really say I see a problem here? Has he given you any other reasons for you to not trust him?

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

That makes sense, and I am open to that idea. He has given me tons of reasons not to trust him but I am caught between saying "whoa, you're totally a lying cheat" and saying "Self, you are paranoid. Stay with him until you catch him with whoever he'd be with."

[Mythical_Suicide]

Yea I understand. It really is hard to draw the line and to know when to trust your instict or to say "woah i'm over reacting". Does he have a history of lying about things and hiding things? Has he cheated on you in the past? Just trying to get an idea.

[redhearts]

The him not letting you look at it when he uses it, is very odd.

[qualia]

It's always nice to find out the truth. The truth will set you free. I believe in total informational awareness. The FBI installs software and/or hardware keyloggers on people's (suspect/ persons of "interest") computers to track what they are typing (or Van Eck Monitoring/ deep packet sniffing analysis...) These days five year old kids are doing the same to get each others myspace or aim accounts...

 

Most people are still using Windows XP these days. A new laptop might be Vista. In any case, people don't often set their internet browsers (IE/FireFox/Chrome) to automatically delete cookies, history settings, and temp internet files upon closing of browser... Any of these information will give away plenty of clues... Even if they have wiped all of that out, a simple "ipconfig /displaydns" at the CMD prompt will yeild the last websites visited if they haven't rebooted the PC since then.. And the cookies, history settings, and temp internet files I talked about earlier aren't really "wiped out securely" which means with any off the shelf "undelete/recovery file" program you can get that info back if you knows where to look...

 

Even if your boyfriend uses secure open source encryption programs such as TrueCrypt there are still loopholes and precautions which he may not take and will lead you to evidence. Paging file and swap file for example Windows uses this file (usually stored on a hard drive) to hold parts of programs and data files that do not fit in memory. This means that sensitive data, which you believe are only stored in RAM, can actually be written unencrypted to a hard drive by Windows without you knowing.

 

Hibernation is also another security risk. If hibernation is turned on and used there is nothing to prevent sensitive files in RAM from being saved unencrypted to a hibernation file. Same goes for the System Restore settings

 

But I doubt he will go into all that trouble to hid stuff from you. If you "really wanna know" then just peek into his laptop when he is away or gone or asleep at night, or taking a shower, a poop, etc do some social engineering... If he puts a password to his computer (assuming its Windows XP) boot into safemode to use the default admin account, or if he was disabled that account use livecd Ophcrack to brute force "acquire" his password. If he uses same password for different accounts (myspace, facebook, link removed, you just hit the jackpot) Or if you just wanna know what is on his harddrive or in his private "my documents" you can use something like Slax linux livecd distro to boot straight into ram and read the NTFS files on the HDD. If you can trick him into accidentally giving you away his email account (just use a keylogger ) that is even better, so much being online these days you will most likely find more dirt on him online ... Once you have access to his email accounts check all his contacts. If you suspect he is in contact with another girl there are ways to impersonate another email address to make it look like it came from that other girl, you can use your imagination and go from there.

 

 

But if he really is not trustworthy you should reconsider being with him in the first place. Hope that helps!

[purpleduckie]

My friend recently told me that he clears out his cookies and history because apparently, people can hack into your computer through those things. Now I start to do it too. Why wouldn't he shut it down when he's not using it? My laptop is my baby. I used to bring it everywhere with me too... until I got sick of carrying it. lol

[purpleduckie]

oh my god, i just read the previous post. please don't snoop!

 

 

 

if he has given you plenty of reasons to not trust him, i think you should look at those and then decide for yourself if this is what you want. it really shouldn't be what you want. leave with your dignity and high moral value intact. if you're thinking about snooping, he's already bringing you down. you would be the sneaky mcsneakerson.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I don't know if he's cheated on me. Probably never will know. Not really sure. He lies a lot, he's very good at it and comfortable lying. So that's what scares me.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I'm not talking about shutting it down when he's done, I mean: he logs off when he leaves the room to get a drink, take a shower, basically whenever I would be alone with it.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I'm not going to use FBI hacking to find something out. That's easy.

[VTR-RC51]

oh my god, i just read the previous post. please don't snoop!

 

 

 

if he has given you plenty of reasons to not trust him, i think you should look at those and then decide for yourself if this is what you want. it really shouldn't be what you want. leave with your dignity and high moral value intact. if you're thinking about snooping, he's already bringing you down. you would be the sneaky mcsneakerson.

 

I totally agree....DON'T SNOOP! You will regret it when you find that all of a sudden, you can't stop. Soon enough, he will find out and then the cat is out of the bag...

 

If you feel something is wrong, then just talk to him. If you really can't trust him, and he doesn't explain, then why would you even want to be with him.

[i_win]

Okay I'll give you an honest answer from someone that uses the internet and computer a lot. The computer to me is like a little world that I open up in. I click on links to pictures and stories my friends send me. I surf porn, this site, and other things. The thing is, you leave yourself totally vulnerable if you let a SO look at your computer when you aren't expecting it and they might see some things that will make them question yourself or see something out of context and assume certain things about you that might damage the relationship subconsciously and form some insecurity on the other's behalf.

 

I would say that he is probably preventing you from seeing something because he's scared of the repurcussions or that you might see something that makes him feel embarrassed.

 

I really wouldn't my SO, for example, looking at my posts here because they are personal and not really meant for their eyes. There has to be some area of my life that is just me and for me it is the computer.

 

I wouldn't mind if they used it and to some extent I do feel like if they go snooping and see something then at least I'm being totally open with them...but it's a conversation I'd rather not have and hope that she trusts that I'm a good enough person that despite some of the porn surfing and what not I still love her and want to be with her and it's just something I do.

 

*shrug*

[qualia]

I agree. If the OP presented this "information" to her BF in a right way she can actually encourage the trust, bonding, mutual understanding etc...

 

Something along the lines of: I know you are a male and have your needs and desires and do the things guys like to do, I am OKAY with it, BUT it still makes me feel jealous, inadequate, whatever at the same time because I am a female and that is just the way we are built... etc

 

Let the differences become a platform for building similarities and get him to trust you with the most private things I think that could build true closeness and intimacy...

 

Basically "i love you despite your shortcomings" and I understand your needs as a male, etc... lets see past all that and work together to build a relationship based on mutual love, trust, respect , all the greatest virtues and merits, etc...

[pianoguy]

...to which the boyfriend should respond, "If you really loved me you'd let me have my space and respect my independence."

 

Unless he's given you a reason to mistrust him you shouldn't be worrying about this. Have you talked to him about this?

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Thank you, everyone, for your responses. That being said: whoa, slow down people!

Let me address/clear up some things first:

 

I am not looking to invade his privacy. There is no doubt he does tons of porn, looks at things, whatever. So finding that out is no news! Not the issue.

 

We all clear histories, use the computer for personal things, need space and privacy. Again, not the issue.

 

Most of us don't like to have others looking over our shoulder, and we turn off our computer when we're done. Duh. haha

 

We have had a relationship full of mistrust from me, lies from him, and a desperation from both of us to move past those things and be happy for once. We love each other.

 

He is a bs'er by nature, he hides a lot of things. I have talked to him about all of the issues that have plagued me the second I notice them. When I do this:

 

1.We fight and things get awful

2. Deny, deny, deny. People will hardly ever admit to things they don't want to.

3. The denial makes me more worried and more suspicious.

 

I am simply noticing a tightness with his laptop that he never use to have. It's different than usual.

He seems extra protective, like he is hiding something. A while back, I would check his phone when I was nervous. (That is now DONE.) He knows that. He still leaves me with his phone whenever; there isn't that tightness. Even when I was snooping through it, and he knew, he didn't hide the phone. (For example).

 

I have a feeling that he is either good as gold or is a total dog behind my back. The more I bring this up to him, the worse things get. That's why I'm asking you guys.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Basically I am asking myself if I have already found the "lipstick on the collar" but I'm just being blind.

[Mythical_Suicide]

Noone can really say for sure because we don't know this guy. We can all speculate about his sneakiness but in reality can't really say yes or no. The only way to find out is to confront him.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I know, and thank you for being so kind in your responses, but when I confront him about cheating- he says no... despite the fact that often acts like he is cheating.

 

So my brain hurts!

[Mythical_Suicide]

Unfortunately people rarely confess to cheating unless they are caught redhanded and even they still try to talk their way out of it. Sorry you have reasons to feel this way,I hope the truth comes out one way or another.

[Hope75]

If you know he is a liar, how can you possibly trust him about anything?

 

The lap top is a separate issue, but if you KNOW he lies, and he's fine with it, I don't possibly see how you can expect to trust him or why you'd give him that privilege.

 

Trust is EARNED, not given freely.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I guess I often hear people saying that women who don't trust their men are insecure and pathetic. My father (who is a cheating alcoholic) claims I don't trust because I'm a perfectionist.

 

It hurts me because I don't need a partner to be perfect, I just don't want to have my life blown apart by someone's selfishness and have to pick up the pieces later.

[sandrawg]

I wouldn't put up with being in a relationship with someone who would go to all this effort to snoop on me. That feels like s**t. Playing spy vs. spy is not the way I would like a rel'ship to go.

 

If someone distrusted me this much, they should walk. Your last sentence is absolutely right!

[sandrawg]

I don't know if he's cheated on me. Probably never will know. Not really sure. He lies a lot, he's very good at it and comfortable lying. So that's what scares me.

 

My question is not, why is he being shady with his laptop, but why are you staying with a guy whom you know "lies at lot, is good at it, and is comfortable doing it?"

 

You don't need that s**t. No one does. There are honest men out there. Go find one. Otherwise, you'll just go nuts trying to figure out what's truth and what's not. Lying is disrespect-find someone who respects you-you deserve that.

[sandrawg]

Trust is EARNED, not given freely.

 

Absolutely.

 

That's why I've come to the conclusion that you really need to get to know someone well before jumping into a rel'ship. Find out if they're trustworthy before you fall for them...not after the fact, when it's harder to walk away.