Eggs Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 My ex blindsided me with a divorce 2 years ago (we were together for 15 years). It was devastating, but through many steps, I picked myself up and moved on. I have full physical custody of our 2 young daughters. I've been fortunate to have fallen in love again with a good man! We've been together for 1 yr 7 mo and are serious. In that time, he has formally met my parents once. There have been 2 other events that he joined me on. My sister and I have common friends, so she's had a chance to see "us" together a few more times. Background ... My parents and sister (married with kids), had been sadly unsupportive of me throughout the divorce. They never asked "how are you? are you ok? Must be tough being a single mother ... do you need a little help?". I'm not looking for free babysitting, money, or anything like that. I just wanted them to be there and empathize, do dinners together, have the kids play, etc. They just weren't there. Moving onward ... I spent effort in new directions. I've become close with BF and his large family. They've taken myself and my daughters in like family. In addition to that, we've made good relations school families and I've reconnected with old high school and college friends. We give and receive. We host and attend events as guests. Pretty "normal" and good. This weekend, my family is having a casual get together. My daughters and I were invited, but no one bothered to ask if BF would like to join. My parents and my sister are obviously still hung up. The last event, I had to ask if I could bring him. BTW, I'm 38 and he's 39. How would you handle this? I haven't responded to the email "invite" ... my kids can't make it because they'll be at their Dad's. I could go, but what's the point? Should I even bother to "ask" if BF can join?? Ironically, I am very much a family-oriented person. I love get togethers, am very giving, and go out of my way to contribute. I'm not a flake. Has anyone been through something similar with divorce and family dynamics? Link to comment
redhearts Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 Just tell them you have plans with your bf, unless if he is invited and will be lovingly welcomed then you could alter them. Link to comment
DN Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 I would do one of two things. Either take him along as if he were invited and if anyone says anything just say "well, since you all know he is my boyfriend, I assumed he was automatically invited" or I would phone whoever sent out the invitations and say "Just making sure but I assume my invitation included my boyfriend". Link to comment
Eggs Posted September 24, 2008 Author Share Posted September 24, 2008 Just tell them you have plans with your bf, unless if he is invited and will be lovingly welcomed then you could alter them. Thanks for the quick reply! Yes, that is a great suggestion. It covers the bases well. Link to comment
redhearts Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 It makes sense, since I would think you do something since the kids are at dads place! Link to comment
Eggs Posted September 24, 2008 Author Share Posted September 24, 2008 I would do one of two things. Either take him along as if he were invited and if anyone says anything just say "well, since you all know he is my boyfriend, I assumed he was automatically invited" or I would phone whoever sent out the invitations and say "Just making sure but I assume my invitation included my boyfriend". 2 more great suggestions ... I appreciate it! I can envision doing each of these and ... being able to predict their reactions. Unfortunately, their reactions are not positive, they're strange/weird. Link to comment
Eggs Posted September 24, 2008 Author Share Posted September 24, 2008 It makes sense, since I would think you do something since the kids are at dads place! yep, you're right ... it will be the case Link to comment
Eggs Posted September 25, 2008 Author Share Posted September 25, 2008 Wanted to follow-up ... I emailed my Mom back about the weekend ... I kept it brief and generic, but got my point accross (that bf and I have plans, but can alter to make it) Hi Mom, Thanks for the email. Will you and Dad be down for other events? I don't have the girls this weekend. *** and I have plans, but can tweak it in order to to drop by for lunch, if ok. Lv, *** Now, I'm really wondering how she's going to respond. I'll keep you posted ... Thanks guys! Link to comment
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