Kids and dating

[elithepi]

My 12 year old son has recently moved in with me to go to a better school and his mother lives in another state. We share a small studio and there is not much privacy at all except the bathroom.

 

I love my son very much, needless to say. It's just that, I feel like I can't date. I can't have people over.

 

I know that if I met someone that was into me, that shouldn't matter but the situation itself undermines me even wanting to try to go out and meet someone.

 

My lease is not up for another 8 months. Finding a bigger place would help.

 

Does no privacy ruin my dating life?

[Seraphim]

Do you have a babysitter so you can go out?

[redhearts]

You don't need to have people over to date. You can always take someone out on a date!

[elithepi]

No babysitter.....new in the town.

 

But what about after the date? They may want to come up for some coffee.

Being a fulltime dad is very new to me and the lack of privacy in a small place, I'm sure, would at times, be trying for anyone.

[redhearts]

Okay first date, you shouldn't invite them over. Just let them be aware that you have a son, he just moved with you, so your place isn't a good call at the moment. You have to make sure you know them well enough before you start bringing the woman around your son.

[drewciouS281]

why not save up more money to break your lease and get a small one bedroom apt.

[ImThatGirl]

^^ That is going to be the best option I think.

 

Is there a full bedroom at all or is the bedroom/living area kind of together?

[Karmageddon]

It doesn't ruin your dating, it ruins your sex life "for now". So if you are just looking to hook up and get laid, then ya. If you are looking to actually meet someone nice...then no. 8 mo is not that long.

[Mutley]

Were there's a will, there's a way.

 

Just remember though, the kid ALWAYS comes first.

[elithepi]

Bedroom/living area together. We're roughing it.

Would be tough to break the lease. I live in an expensive city.

Maybe I shouldn't worry about it. If a person has a problem with it, maybe they aren't for me.

I'm feeling a bit restrained, though.

[ImThatGirl]

^^ It's understandable that you feel restrained. Going from living on your own to being a full time dad takes adjusting! As far as dating goes, I'd say best to just keep it outside of the home. Which really, you can get used to I'm sure.

 

A mature woman shouldn't have a problem understanding your circumstances.

[KG]

I agree with ITG. I'm a single dad with a 13 year old son. A mature woman, when dating, will certainly understand your predicament. I think the 8 month wait will be fine.

[Snoopy24]

The first thing you need to do is find a bigger place. A studio is fine for one person, or even a couple, but not for father and son. You both need some privacy.

 

If you go on dates, just don't bring them home until at least 3 or 4 dates or until you see it going somewhere with someone, and explain your situation. If you want to be sexual you can always go to their place or a hotel or something.

 

edit- ok well if you can't get a bigger place now, i guess like you said rough it out for the 8 months. It shouldn't be that bad, and like other posters said, i'm sure the woman will understand, especially since it's only temporary.

[elithepi]

ahhh...mixed signals here.

Bottom line, a new place will have to wait for the time being.

 

I moved into the place before I found out about my son living with me.

 

I lean more toward finding someone that is cool with it....I mean, I won't have sex in the place with him there.

 

I just kind of feel like it's a turn off for some.

[ImThatGirl]

ahhh...mixed signals here.

Bottom line, a new place will have to wait for the time being.

 

I moved into the place before I found out about my son living with me.

 

I lean more toward finding someone that is cool with it....I mean, I won't have sex in the place with him there.

 

I just kind of feel like it's a turn off for some.

 

Those that have a problem with it most likely have a problem with you being a dad in general. You don't need them in your life... or your sons anyway, eh?

[redhearts]

Don't worry about what someone else will think of your situation. To be quite frank with you, I hope you don't get upset, a man in his mid 30s living in a studio is screaming bachelor days lol. If you can't afford 2 bedrooms down the line, try to get a place that has a den, its a sneaky way!

[ImThatGirl]

^^ He said it was an expensive city. I'm assuming that if that is the case, it may not be out of the norm?

[elithepi]

^^Thanks ITG

What I pay could easily be a house pmt in the burbs, but who wants to sit in traffic 2 hrs a day.

[ImThatGirl]

Welcome~ I think it's great that you are able to offer a better school system for your son to attend..

 

Just take your time and you two adjust to living together and within small quarters. Before you know it, you'll have received new lease papers and it'll be time to request a little bigger place, eh?

[elithepi]

Yeah, it will be fine.

Have had a lot going on, seems like. Been feeling stressed about a lot of things and having my son around is something I don't want to be stressed about.

Just needed to discuss the situation.

[ImThatGirl]

^^ I can relate....

 

And I'm sure there are many other parents on this site that can too.

 

The arrangements that normally you're alright with but sometimes just hit ya.

[KG]

eli,

You'll be fine, sounds like you've got your head screwed on right. The right woman will understand. Besides, it's all about your son.