WreckingBall Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 Hello all thanks for letting me vent here about my situation. No doubt i'll hear the stuff I already know I should do, but I wanted other opinions on the situation and to let it out. Firstly, I am a female in a long term relationship. We have been together for over 5 years and whereas I can't say I am totally in love I do love him very much and care about him so much. He is very much my best friend ever and I can't picture him not in my life. Which is why I guess selfishly I have clung onto him. We had a rocky time in our relathionship at about 2 years in where we split up for around 4 months, in which time I registered on some web sites just to generally meet people onlien just sort of a profile site. There I met some wonderful people, 1 in particular, a guy with which I became extremely close to online. We exchanged numbers, talked and txt every single night for such a long time. We liked eachother very intensley. No mention of love early but very very intense. We were going to meet but i'd chicken out for fear of not being good enough, too ugly. He'd seen my pictures, (but we all know how we pick out the good ones of us to show people) and he said I was pretty. But I just kept chickening out every time. Then I got back with the ex and I never told him. I just kept things going because I loved this feeling of attention and how much I liked him. Then 1 year into our friendship we started to fight alot, we'd go sweet and cooey to eachother and then we'd fight, then back and forth and vica versa. Now that went on for a long time, we adored eachother so much but in fights we'd tell eachother to go away we don't care bla bla, then the next couple of days we'd be saying how sorry we are and upset and missed eachother and just devestated and how much we wanted eachother (yes all the while i'mn not single) In general he was the sweetest guy ever, he was so affectionate with his words, constantly, so caring and thoughtful so sweet and just an amazingly beautiful person, but when he eventually told me he loved me I did'nt believe him because i';m insecure and stuff. Now about 4 months ago we had a major falling out, I still had'nt told him I was with my boyfriend, but he knew about him from me speaking about him and my boyfriend knew of him by me talking about him but I told im I knew him from work. So we had this big falling out with my friend saying how I felt about my boyfriend (thinking he was my ex at the time) he reckoned I was still with him, and though he was right I kept telling him no. At this point in time the friend had already told me he loved me and asked me to meet ALOT but I kept saying yes then as it got closer i'd say I can't do it for whatever reason. I was so scared he would'nt like me. Please note, I was extremely unhappy with my boyfriend at this point, I think it became a relationship of convenience, where we cared about eachother but were'nt in love, we wanted to stay best friends and everything so we stayed together out of fear really. But during this time also we got married. Don't ask me why, or how or what happened because I could'nt tell you. I was too worried. Totally stupid I know. But have you ever just felt like it was the right thing to do for someone? So after this argument he started telling me he really liked someone else at the moment, and I was utterly devestated. I never told him we were so angry at the time, then he sent me this txt saying he thought he deserved to be happy since I did'nt want him, as I never tried to meet him or anything. I was so upset, so gutted but not at that time because I was so angry (alot of stuff got said between us) So then we did'nt talk for about 1 month. During which time all I did was think of him, and I've realised I am so in love with him, it was so awful, because I was so torn. I wanted to stay with my husband... I have a milliom different reasons why, but I so wanted to be with my friend also. So I sent him a txt out the blue apologise for the way I had treated him (I had been nasty on afew occasions) then he txt asking to speak to me and I was so happy, but then all of a sudden his txts all just went to dirt, like filthy things. what he wanted to do to me etc. He was cocky, he was very assertive and different. I told him he'd turned into someone else. I got to talking to him about this girl he told me he liked before we fell out, he started to confide in me about her and the pain was unreal but I was being really good and super supportive and saying I was sooo happy for him and everything. I was just gutted. I hate his whole attitude. He was confiding in me that he likes her, that she's younger, and wont stop txting me dirty things. Then he starts telling me he just thinks shes nice even after saying everything about her, then telling me how much he fancies me and wants me.. acting like a huge player? I know I don't have the right to feel this way because I am actually with someone. But what do I do? How do I handle this? can someone give me some sort of guide on where to begin? I can't leave my husband the marriage is very new and we are moving together and made lots of plans for businesses and all kinds together. I know what I was doing was wrong in the first place. I got myself into this mess. Should I accept he's moving on and get on with things and get over it? he's very different. My husband, what there? I've told the friend that i'm moving away and he told me there is now "no point" in talking to me. ? but surely if he wanted to he could of contacted me if he really wanted to does'nt that mean he let me go? does'nt that mean he fell for this girl? My head is so mashed up I am stuck. If there are anymore details needed please ask. Thank you. Link to comment
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