I don't miss him, I don't want him AT ALL, why is the pain still there?

[life_hard]

I don't want him in my life - all I see is his very very bad behavior running over and over in my end. I don't miss him at all - I don't think about the good times at all, I don't crave for him to be in my bed and cuddle... over the past month, it has been JUST and ONLY hurt that I could feel....and his very very bad behavior....

 

What does it mean? Does that mean that I wasn't all that in love with him? Or he hurt me badly? I just don't understand this process I am going thru

[Up and Down]

I don't want him in my life - all I see is his very very bad behavior running over and over in my end. I don't miss him at all - I don't think about the good times at all, I don't crave for him to be in my bed and cuddle... over the past month, it has been JUST and ONLY hurt that I could feel....and his very very bad behavior....

 

What does it mean? Does that mean that I wasn't all that in love with him? Or he hurt me badly? I just don't understand this process I am going thru

 

Sounds like you are going through the anger stage of grieving. When you get to acceptance or just apathy you will know you no longer care!

[lucid_Dreamz]

Sounds like you are going through the anger stage of grieving. When you get to acceptance or just apathy you will know you no longer care!

 

Not necessarily true - I don't want my ex in my life and I have accepted that he will not be. But I still feel pain surrounding the issue. I think it's because I have not been able to fall in love again since him. We broke up a year ago. It takes time, but I know I will fall in love again - I'm just impatient I know I have to let it happen because forced feelings aren't love.

[just M.E.]

I don't want him in my life - all I see is his very very bad behavior running over and over in my end. I don't miss him at all - I don't think about the good times at all, I don't crave for him to be in my bed and cuddle... over the past month, it has been JUST and ONLY hurt that I could feel....and his very very bad behavior....

 

What does it mean? Does that mean that I wasn't all that in love with him? Or he hurt me badly? I just don't understand this process I am going thru

 

We grieve the dream of what it might have been, of what we dreamed it would be, of what it should have been. The pain is the loss of the dream and the dream of who we fell in love with.

[life_hard]

No, No.... I don't see myself with this guy long term, i can't imagine him in my life cos he is too selfish and doesn't communicate well... he has tons of issues.... there is no dream, not at all...

 

so that is why I don't understand the hurt is lingering right now... I want it to go away.. I am suspecting it has nothing to do with him (well the image of pictures of him and his girl is in my mind all the time, that is when I get very angry and bitter). What I suspect is that I am dealing with abandonment issues, my own issues and not about the relationship anymore.....but I am not sure...but even if it is true I still want the hurt to go away..

[Cuppedia]

It seems you understand very well what is happening and even if that doesn't help in the short term to make you feel better, in time, all that self-knowledge will allow you to fully move on.

 

If you felt abandoned in the past it is likely this event got those memories out, and if you add to that how it's never really easy to end something (no matter how bad it was, you put time and effort in it) then you suddenly could be dealing with too much at the same time.

 

Also, a lot of the healing only happens with time, after a break-up or any other "traumatic" event some of us just wish we could sleep for a year until the sadness is gone but unfortunately it's something that has to be done little by little.