regrets.....

[mintblossom]

how does one work through regret? i have so many of them. i regret the day i ever met him. i regret that i almost destroyed myself and my life. i regret that i ruined my grades, dropped out of school, and am not as competitive in the job market as i could be. i regret that i gave 6 years of my life to him. i regret that i no longer that young 18 year old with big dreams.

 

i'm giving myself an ulcer because i am eaten up with regret. it's been at least 3 years since the relationship ended...only 2 years since i really started to make changes in my life. only recently, has reality been very clear.....before i was living in a fantasy world to cope with my hurt feelings.

 

can i tell graduate schools about what happened to me? will they understand?

 

the thing i regret the most is that even though it's been a few years since that relationship, i am still paying the price for what happened back then. still piecing together my life. can anyone relate?

[Angel_baby]

I feel the same as you. That I gave my youthful years to my husband and what for??? Nothing. It was all waste. Why have I wasted so much time making up reasons for the way he acted? I wish I would've seen it before everything happened but I was blind.

 

But you, just like I, do have a great future ahead! No longer are you with him, you do have your life back, start taking those steps to further your life forward.

 

You are so much stronger of a women today then you were back then. I did teach you about the hard ways of life in a way. It sucks that we had to learn the way we did but... you can move forward from all this! You are still young.

 

Remember to keep telling yourself "You can do anything you set your mind to"

[Odysseus]

mintblossom,

You can't change the past. That's the problem with regret. It's a emotion that leads to dead ends....things long since over and done with. The only thing you really have in your life is the present and future and what you can do to make those thing the best they can be. Forgive yourself, let go of the past.

Peace and happiness.

 

-O

[lockedout]

You definitly have to forgive yourself, keep telling yourself, it's ok to make mistakes, you are only human, remember! Don't keep beating yourself up. Look in the mirror and tell yourself, "I forgive you!" like for the next 30 days, til you start feeling better.

 

The Lord forgives and you can too! It's not healthy to hold on to regret! Start letting go and let the sun in!

[D_Lish]

Gawd, I have some huge regrets, but there's not a lot I can do change the past and I don't dwell on it. What's done, is done. I spent ten years with my ex H, ten years IMO that I wasted...the only good thing to come out of it all, was my daughter.

 

All we can do, is make the most of the present and try not to make the same mistakes and the same poor judgements we made in the past, in the future...

 

If you are ever in doubt about something.....just do it. You are less likely to go forward with 'regret' that way.

[69Mercury]

it's been at least 3 years since the relationship ended...only 2 years since i really started to make changes in my life. only recently, has reality been very clear.....before i was living in a fantasy world to cope with my hurt feelings.

 

the thing i regret the most is that even though it's been a few years since that relationship, i am still paying the price for what happened back then. still piecing together my life. can anyone relate?

 

You sound very similar to me. It's also 3 years since my relationship ended. He stalked me for 2 1/2 years, and now that he's gone for good, I seem to be getting worse not better. Like you mention, it's like you push things into a box/ live in a fantasy world, to survive every day, but now that I don't have to do that anymore it's all overwhelming me. Like a huge backlash of everything I've been pushing away for so long. At last I'm safe to worry about me and it's all coming out at once. Anger, regret, anxiety about making the same mistakes again, nightmares. It's rubbish!

 

I've got a wonderful boyfriend now and my life should be great, but I realise I have a lot more scars than I thought I had, and it's going to take a while to work through them and let them heal.

 

Just don't give up!! Don't let him win. I get free counselling through my university. I'm sure that will be available to you too. One day you will get yourself back and you will feel so much stronger because of what you have been through.

 

So to answer your question, yes, I can totally relate!!

[everubi]

Hello,

 

It seems that you are avoiding the most important fact, you are no longer tolerating an abusive person in your daily life. What you should focus on is the fact that from this point forward you are free to live a healthy existence.

 

Remind yourself of the experience and it will keep you guarded from ever allowing anyone to treat you similairly. Just move on and engage in associations that are rewarding and keep you smiling instead of frowning.

 

He"s gone and part of the past, just think of the wonderfull future awaiting!!!

 

Good Luck!

[Gracelove]

Oh my gosh, reading your post brought tears to my eyes.

 

It is really hard to get over the pain that develops when bad things happen in your life.

 

Many bad things happen to a person over the course of their life, but a few are so defining, they have a lasting effect.

 

I think that we are taught that we have to be perfect, that mistakes aren't okay. I think that we are taught that the fault always lies with us.

 

So you work overtime, and take responsibility for every bad thing that happens to you.

 

But the truth is, that if your knew better, you would have done better.

 

And the fact is, that there are people out there that are smarter than you, people out there that are more manipulative. And not all of these people are good, or have good intentions.

 

So I don't think you should blame yourself for life circumstances.

 

And I think that on some level you know that.

 

But unfortunately, the past can't be fixed/changed.

 

And when you're in pain, and you're are desperate to get rid of it, you try to discover the source of your pain.

And once you've identified the sorce, you want to fix it, fix things so that your pain will go away.

 

But you can't change the past.

 

So the only thing you can do, is rebuild. Rebuild, and trust that time, prayer, and understanding will lessen the pain you're feeling within.

 

It's hard to endure, I know.

 

It's hard when you feel like you're left with a mess of a life, that seems impossible to clean.

 

But it'll be okay. You'll get into grad. school. Your worth isn't measured by the grades on that transcript.

You can still get what you want. Your past mistakes, relationships, don't have to keep you from your dreams.

 

Yes, it may be a little harder, but not impossible, to achieve your dreams.

 

Besides, your challenges will be an inspiration to someone else who's experiencing similar difficulties.

 

It'll all work out in the end.

 

Sometimes it's hard to see that happening, but you just have to believe that everything will work out.

 

*Hugs*

 

~Grace