feeling conflicted, lonely & oblivious

[Rachelz]

So the gist here is that I suck at flirting, I guess, I don't really know. I'm 20, I've never been on a date, never even been asked out, never had a guy come onto me, etc, etc. I feel I'm relatively attractive, I'm fun, I try to be really nice and sweet. I figure there's just something wrong with me.

 

Very often, when I go out with friends, they comment on how guys always look at me, and are even flirting openly with me. I don't even notice! Or when it's so obvious that I do notice, I try to flirt, but I don't think it comes off obvious enough to them that I'm interested, so they lose interest or something. My mother says I'm a "strong woman" and I intimidate with my personality. She's my mother and probably just trying to make me feel better about myself, she's biased, so she doesn't count.

 

What's wrong with me? I'm sick of being alone.

[bmwm3]

It could be many things... where do you hang out or try to meet people... parties? school?.. it also could be that you are intimidating to people... by your looks or attidue.. maybe you come of as taken have a bf... do you talk to guys when they talk to you...

[Jeremiah Johnson]

Are you smiling a lot and using your eyes? Have soft eyes, a good smile, and lean forward. Good body language sends the invite.

[Rachelz]

If a guy talks to me, I'm friendly in return, I'll talk, I'll joke. I try to be friendly, make eye contact, and meet people at work, parties & school. The school aspect is hard, I live at home (a sacrafice I've decided to make so I can save money for school), so I only am with people at school when I'm in class.

 

It's hard when all my friends tell me about their dates, boyfriends, relationsihps.

 

Part of my problem I think is when guy does talk to me, I automatically assume they're just being nice and polite, so I return the favor, but I feel like I'm trying... I'm very outgoing and also very shy at the same time, if that makes any sense?

[Jeremiah Johnson]

Maybe you're holding back? Sometimes we hold back our real personalities when we're overthinking things. That makes us come off far less interesting than we really are.

[bmwm3]

well it sounds normal what your doing.. doesnt sound like your holding back... hope these doesnt offend you, just trying to answer your question.. but what do you look like... fat?/ too skinny?.. to tall? to short??

[Rachelz]

I'm 5'8" and about 160lbs. Yes, I'm a bit overweight, but in all honesty, I think I carry it well. I am working to lose weight (I've struggled with it my entire life, but never been extremely overweight, just a tad over my whole life). I guess maybe my weight is turning people off... that's what I've always assumed, but half my friends are overweight and have good relationships.

 

But in all honesty, will losing weight really help? My goal weight is 150, I was once at 145, I think I looked great then, but it was hard to maintain.

[bmwm3]

5,8 160.. thats not overweight.. as long as your healthy.. just keep working on smilling and making eye contact.. and being open to conversation...

[ineffable101]

I usually know a guy is flirting with me when I catch him looking at me or he casually or "accidentally" touches me or brushes against my leg or something. Playful pushing and teasing is also pretty common. A lot of guys will go a little out of their way to sit next to you or close to you but they won't do it if it's too obvious probably.