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Hey. For anyone who knows and remembers my story, if not, look at my post threads. I have been doing ok...it's been almost 4 months now and I've had to tell HER to stop calling/texting me because it confuses me. (She left me after a year to go back to her Ex bf)


So now when she messages, I just ignore them. The next day, I'll get a message from her asking to just inform her that I received them.


Tonight I got a text message from her that said this:


"Hey, I had an intense dream about u last night. I wanted say that I was sorry 4 everything...I also said have a good day...but it's night now so hopefully the hope was valid...sleep well...krystel...ps...Im realizing the depths of my actions & im having a hard time with it...I dont expect u2 think twice about it but i just wanted u 2 know now 4 any value it may have...goodnight, im hitting the hay now."


Can someone please decipher this for me? I'm scared if i respond or make any actions, that i'll get lost back into the despair i was in and im finally getting on my feet and able to function, thanks to my friends. What do u think?

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wow. that's a tough one. is she still with this ex of hers? was she still talking to him while she was with you for the year? i can see how her message would confuse you... my ex emailed me saying he missed me and realized how good i was to him and that he didn't show me he cared about me enough... that was 2.5 weeks ago... i never wrote him back and probably never will. they were weak words in an email as far as im concerned, probably just trying to make himself not feel like such a bad guy because he knew how much he hurt me when he dumped me. or maybe trying to make me feel better so that i knew he actually cared about me? or maybe to make me hold on just in case he changes his mind... who knows...


in my opinion though, a text, or an email, with those words and none that say i want you back can we please talk about it... is not enough. if she IS in fact trying to say she's sorry and that she thinks she made a mistake, it was a lame attempt i'd say. i'm fairly certain you still love her and do want her back, i have not had a chance to read your backstory on this relationship, but i'm guessing you want to respond to her but just don't know what to say. if i were you, i'd simply write back thank you. But, I don't really know what she is trying to do or say here.. so it's kind of a tough situation. Sounds kind of like she is looking for attention from you.

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I think the guilt is weighing into her. Being that she went back to her ex, but is still talking to you, I would continue with NC. She seems all over the place emotionally at the moment, and you don't need to deal with the drama of it. If she can't respect your wishes to stop contact, she's only looking out for herself. She probably wishes she never put you in the position that she has, but at the same time it doesn't sound like she wants reconciliation (if thats what you're after).


You already answered the question yourself. If you think you might fall back into despair by contacting her, then don't do it. You seem to be doing very well, and moving forward. Continue with that. : )

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It is probably her way of expressing her guilt and remorse. I would ignore it if I were you. My ex did something similar two months after he broke my heart (we had a really nasty breakup and he cheated on me). He would send text message and tell me that he missed me, try to pass messages through my friends, etc. but I ignored all of it.


Part of it was because I know I am worth more than a text message. Also, because I knew he felt guilty for how he ended things and he he treated me and this was his way of releasing some of that guilt - which is NOT my responsibility or burden. Its like he wanted me to say it was okay and that I was okay for how horrible he was to me - not my problem.


Your ex is responsible for her actions. And if she really really wanted to express how sorry she was, there would be more than a text msg. I know that sounds harsh but I believe that love is an action and a phone call, showing up in person, etc. If someone is truly sorry, they will show it and you are worth it!

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I think it is an indication of her selfishness.


Messaging you about some random dream she had, it's like killing two birds with one stone.


First, she probably doesnt have any one to talk about how she's dealing with her breakup from you, perhaps because to do so, she'd be betraying the fact that things are NOT *entirely* perfect in her current relationship. So she's turning to the one person she knows will be interested in what she has to say about her feelings re: the break-up and its aftermath: YOU.


Considering that you've asked her to discontinue contact, it's kind of thoughtless of her to keep on messaging you about what are, essentially, meaningless things.


Second, she may believe that she will be able to keep you on the back burner by contacting you, just in case things dont work out (again) with her bf OR simply to hike up her sense of self-importance.


I say her apology is meaningless, only because it doesnt really change anything, does it? Her intense dream doesnt necessarily mean she's coming back. Her feeling sorry doesnt necessarily mean she's coming back. Her having a hard time with the breakup doesnt necessarily mean she's coming back.


If she truly thought that you would NOT "think twice about" her "intense dream," why did she go against your wishes to tell you about it? She sent it because she believes that you WOULD care about if she still thinks about you or not.


BUT see, that's what makes her so selfish -- why would she want assurance that you still care when she has no intention of doing anything about it, when she has no intention of comforting you, or sincerely apologizing for your hurt feelings, or helping you overcome the hurt?


I havent read your other threads (sorry) but just the fact alone that she continues to message you this nonsense, even after you've specifically asked her to stop, is pretty telling of the kind of person she is.


In the end, I dont know if it helps to realize that your ex was/is selfish. It didnt help me much but it did help some -- bc it helped me realize that everytime the ex made contact, it wasn't necessarily because they had residual feelings or were genuinely sorry or were interested in talking about the breakup or the aftermath or how I'm doing, etc etc. -- the whole thing was simply about them and satisfying some inexplicable need of theirs.


I'm sure others have suggested this to you before, but have you considered changing phone numbers?

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Each one you who responded said different things but in the same context, which all means the same thing. It made total sense and I guess I just needed that reassurance as i was starting to feel confused again. You have no idea how all these responses have helped me decide to ignore her message and take this as another step of being strong. You're right..she is selfish, this whole thing is about her self involvement about what she wants, right from the beginning of the break up. I can't allow her to know that she can just reach me at any time right? Let alone by text as you mention. I am worth more than that. I treated her so good with all i had, for the first time in my life...which is why the fall hurt so much.




"Second, she may believe that she will be able to keep you on the back burner by contacting you, just in case things dont work out (again) with her bf OR simply to hike up her sense of self-importance. " ..You couldn't of said it better!!!


I have considered changing phone numbers, however I have so many friends, family, and even family outside of Canada that it would just be too much of a hassle. I did remove her from my facebook and my contacts but my heart still pounds when I see her number show up on my phone every once in a while.


Thank you so much for all your re-assuring responses....I will continue with the NC and not give her that satisfaction to feel better because she apologized through a text message.

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Ok so it's 5 days later and I haven't responded but im struggling so bad! Anyone have some positive words to keep me line???


Action speaks louder than words!

*hits isilv3r on the head with a baton*


Feel the pain, from the past?


I know how painful it is... my ex left me for her ex too. Write a reply if you really feel that you need to, but in a letter, and DO NOT send it!!!


Hugs for the pain I caused. Sowwy.

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Ok so here it is. Do i send it? Or just keep it in here....


It's been 3 months and not only do you not realize what I have gone through to try to subside the pain you caused me but now you send me a message stating your sorry for everything? Do you even know what "everything" is? You don't think that i've taken enough, that you now want me to push away all the pain I feel and expect me to forgive you so that you can feel better about your actions or regrets. I can't do that for you. I gave you my all once but now I have nothing to give you. I don't even know what to say to you. I've asked you many times to not contact me but your so self involved with your life that you don't even care what it does to me. You once told me that you love me. Well, you're not supposed to hurt the ones you love. I won't fall back into you and if you see me on the street and I turn the other way, please don't call out my name. You left me to go back to him because you didn't want to live with regret. However, you gave it to me instead so that you wouldn't be burdened with it. I truly believed that I once knew you but I can't fathom the person you are because you are still hurting me. It may not be the definition of your words but it's your lack of action. Your words don't mean anything to me anymore. I won't forget the time we had together but I am trying to forget the future. So please, from this day on, let me heal properly. Maybe one day down the road I'll forgive you but right now, you should be more concerned with how you are going to forgive yourself.



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sounds very fair...but in the spirit of fairness and asking for what you need I would maybe change the part of her being so self involved to say: I've asked you not to contact me and I don't understand why you insist on not hearing me. When you contact me I feel everything all over again and since you are not willing to change your situation I can't hear from you. Please respect this.


Something like that (just a suggestion)

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Please don't send it to her! Actions speak louder than words. She left you for someone else after swearing to you that she loved you. She is a liar and was untrue to you and your relationship. She doesn't deserve you and you deserve someone who will be true to you and only you--in word and deed. Sending this to her will only show her that you still care. Don't give her that satisfaction! Silence is the MOST powerful message you can send. It says... you are now irrelevant to me, you are not worth responding to, what you did was so reprehensible that I will not entertain your presense in my life any longer. It says all of that and more. PLUS, you have done an *amazing* job of maintaining NC through the past 3 mos. This is a badge of integrity that you can cherish--don't relinquish it just to send her a message that will probably only provoke some mealy-mouthed and annoyingly-defensive response. She really doesn't deserve this message--she deserves haunting and resounding SILENCE that she can spend plenty of time interpreting for herself (like you're too busy with some new super smart and hot chick to bother writing her back ).

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OMG thank you so much for this!!!!! My gawd you are absolutely right....like to a T! Your response has finalized all the thoughts that were stuck in the back of my head and I wasn't going to listen to. Silence is golden and deadly. Ok..im not going to reply. Besides, i agree, i don't want that reply back where all see feels she needs to do is defend herself because she is having a hard time dealing with her self inflicted guilt.


Soo...any volunteers on the super smart and hot chick idea? =P

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