Girlfriend wants to go camping with friends from work.....

[Andos99]

Hey there! So here is a bit of background.... I'm 27 years old and have been with my current girlfriend off and on since 2002. Our longest/ most recent separation was almost 2 years and there have been some trust issues in the past. We've been back together now for about 4 months and so far things have been great.

 

Tonight she tells me that she REALLY wants to go on a over night camping trip with some of her friends from work. One girl, and two guys. I guess they want to go "ghost hunting", and this is something they wanted to do last year but didn't get a chance to go for whatever reason. She has known the girl and one of the guys from work for several years and the second guy is a tag-along friend of the first guy who she doesn't know.

 

Personally, this situation does NOT sit well with me at all, which I expressed to her. She has offered to setup a happy hour with the group so that I can meet everyone and be assured that I don't have anything to worry about. Being a warm blooded male myself, I know how guys think, and a camping trip with two females on an adventure to find ghosts presents itself as an opportunity to get "lucky" if you know what I mean. She told me that if I really don't want to her to go, she won't, however she would be VERY disappointed. I don't know what to think. What do you guys think?? Thank you for reading this. Any advice would be appreciated.

[hers]

Welcome to ENA!

 

I think you may be reading a bit too much into it. If these guys are from work, they probably know she has a boyfriend. Plus, it is obvious she has nothing to hide if she's inviting you along to meet them and have drinks and be comfortable around them.

 

What were the trust issues in the past? Has she ever given you reason not to trust her?

[lady00]

To me, the only thing that raises red flags about this is that you two have a history of trust issues. I don't think there is anything inherently suspicious about this situation. I think that you view it this way due to past experience.

[bmwm3]

I hear you.. wouldnt sit well with me... 2guys and one of her friends.. not to try to scare you but anything can happen espically if she doesnt know the other guy...

 

my question is why dont you go camping.. has she invitied you??? if my gf wanted to go camping either she would ask me to go.. or she wouldnt go if i felt uncomfrtable.. just like she wouldnt want me to go with 2girls and a guy friend...

 

its camping.. a little drinking not being at home.. very easy to hookup...

 

i think you should go.. or she should respect you and not go because you dont feel comfrtable with it...

[Andos99]

She "hooked up" with a guy in college when we first started dating 6 years ago. You can pretty much chalk it up to immaturity at the time, but if you've ever been cheated on you, you don't forget something like that. I fully trust her now, but I feel like this situation sets itself up to turn into something disastrous even if her intentions are completely wholesome.

 

To answer bwm's question, she did not invite me, but she knows that this isn't something I would want to do. "Ghost hunting" sounds ridiculous to me, but I want her to be able to do the things that interest her personally. I'm probably over-reacting, but it doesn't hurt to hear from others.

[bmwm3]

She "hooked up" with a guy in college when we first started dating 6 years ago. You can pretty much chalk it up to immaturity at the time, but if you've ever been cheated on you, you don't forget something like that. I fully trust her now, but I feel like this situation sets itself up to turn into something disastrous even if her intentions are completely wholesome.

 

To answer bwm's question, she did not invite me, but she knows that this isn't something I would want to do. "Ghost hunting" sounds ridiculous to me, but I want her to be able to do the things that interest her personally. I'm probably over-reacting, but it doesn't hurt to hear from others.

 

 

I dont know man.. go with your insticnt.. but if my gf cheated on me once i would be worried... thats just me.. but i also wouldnt be with that girl know either.. exactly for these reasons... good luck

[ColorBlue]

If you trust her you'll let her go have fun ghost hunting. There's nothing wrong with this situation, and besides, if she's really going to go and screw one of these guys because she wants to cheat on you she's gonna find a way somehow. Its not like you can keep her from cheating if she wants to, besides just being the attractive you that drew her to you before hehe.

 

The other part is that you say you trust her, yet you don't want her to go because you "know" what one of those guys will want to do. You're kind of forgetting the fact that there's TWO people involved in this activity you think might happen, and just because one person wants it doesn't mean the other does as well.

 

Last thing I'll say is, short. Keeping a shorter "leash" on someone doesn't make them want you more, only less. "If you love someone, you'll let them go in hopes they come back again" is what how I think it goes. Good Luck!

[Andos99]

This is really good advice and I think you're right. I just need to let her go and not make her feel guilty about it.

[greywolf]

why can't you go too?

[greywolf]

 

To answer bwm's question, she did not invite me, but she knows that this isn't something I would want to do. "Ghost hunting" sounds ridiculous to me, but I want her to be able to do the things that interest her personally. I'm probably over-reacting, but it doesn't hurt to hear from others.

 

Just read this.

 

Ok. First, she should invite you. Second, can't you go just to enjoy the time spent with your girlfriend?

[Darkness_Falls]

I don't think you should stop her from going because she may end up resenting you for it. She's going with 3 other people so I doubt anything would really happen, it's not like it's just here and one other guy. If it's something she is interested in then I can understand why she would be disappointed to miss out. Personally I would love to go too, would you like me to come over and keep an eye on her

 

I can understand too why you feel uneasy about the situation, her having cheated before. However, you say you fully trust her now. If she goes, you should find a way to fill up your weekend so that you aren't thinking about her constantly and over thinking it all. Maybe arrange a weekend with your mates so that you can have some fun and take your mind off it all.

[SimplySasha]

Yes, the guys are going to be eyeballing her and hoping to get "lucky", that's how you men are and it would be foolish to assume otherwise.

 

With that said, do you trust this girl or not? Sure, some ghostly scares might equate some cuddle time... or nothing could happen. I'd be wary of this situation from your perspective. If I were your girlfriend and going with 2 other guys and a girl, it would depend on how much I trusted the girl and guy I worked with, they may be the "safe zone" people to run an interception should the other guy start to get interested in her, or the other girl there might end up being interested in the guy.

 

Its up to you how comfortable you're going to be and how much you are going to trust your girlfriend. If she cheats, well you trusted her, you aren't the bad guy, but if you don't let her go, you're going to just look like a jealous ass. Choose carefully.

[ghost69]

2 guys and 2 girls camping? haha, heeeeeeeell no. my gf would not be going. if she wanted to go bad enough without asking me to go too, she'd be going single. absolutely not.

[tictactoe2006]

2 guys and 2 girls camping? haha, heeeeeeeell no. my gf would not be going. if she wanted to go bad enough without asking me to go too, she'd be going single. absolutely not.

 

 

Right there with ya my friend. I firmly believe that there needs to be trust in a relationship - but part of that is, you should not be putting yourself in a position where that trust can be questioned.

[Darkness_Falls]

2 guys and 2 girls camping? haha, heeeeeeeell no. my gf would not be going. if she wanted to go bad enough without asking me to go too, she'd be going single. absolutely not.

 

But the OP didn't want to go... he said it's not his thing. Or she thought it wouldn't be his sort of thing. My boyfriend wouldn't want to go camping with me; he's not into it but I like it, and I love ghosts. Does this mean that I shouldn't be allowed to indulge in what I enjoy just because 2 males are going to be there?

[greywolf]

But the OP didn't want to go... he said it's not his thing. Or she thought it wouldn't be his sort of thing. My boyfriend wouldn't want to go camping with me; he's not into it but I like it, and I love ghosts. Does this mean that I shouldn't be allowed to indulge in what I enjoy just because 2 males are going to be there?

 

I don't think the OP's girlfriend should not go just because of that. But my point is, why can't he go? I know he's not into those things, but isn't compromise a part of any relationship? She wants to go, he's concerned about the 2 guys that will be there. He should just go. Everyone's happy.

[Darkness_Falls]

I do agree with that. The OP should go, make yourself go OP!

[JourneyRoade]

I think you should admit to her they you two have not yet established that foundation of trust, and that this trip would be too big of a step - well out of your comfort zone at this point. You could go with her, but you both would know that your intent is simply to keep an eye on her, which might give you peace of mind, but it does nothing to establish trust.

 

It's trust that needs to grow, and that can't happen by preventing her from doing anything naughty. Maybe you need baby steps and build up to something like a camping trip with other dudes. But if you let her go, and afterwards you truly believe that she behaved herself, then you're that much ahead in developing trust.

[blue69]

If she isn't committed to you or your relationship camping or no camping isn't going to make any difference. It is merely an opportunity at that point.

 

A relationship is based on trust and communication. You obviously have some history that is making trust a challenge... but hear this...its your challenge. She shouldn't have to keep proving anything to you. Not after this much time has passed. Decide if you like this relationship, decide if you want her. If you do, you support her decisions. Be honest, that you are uncomfortable, but that you want her to enjoy herself too. Tell her that you are interested in growing a stronger relationship with her.

 

Once she goes, then don't ever bring it up in an insecure, distrustful way. When she tells you about her adventure, then listen, laugh and appreciate her trusting you. If you really want the relationship to grow then you have to work on yourself.

 

Fear, guilt and insecurity suck in a relationship. But you have absolute control of those things.

[PsychGirly]

Normally, I would say "if you trust her, let her go", but in this situation, I don't think she should've placed you in this dilemma. She's cheated on you before, and that's the reason you guys broke up. If I had cheated on my boyfriend in the past, and I truly loved him, I would NEVER ask him if he would be "okay" with it if I went camping in the middle of nowhere with a girl & 2 guys. If I really had to go, I would insist that he come along. If he didn't agree to come along, I wouldn't go. You've only been back together for 4 months now, which personally I do not believe is enough time for you to decide that you can completely trust her again.

 

Again, do what your gut tells you...but I just think it's pretty inconsiderate & selfish of her to imply, "Well, if you're gonna * * * * * at me for it, I won't go...but I'll be disappointed and use it against you in the future if I don't go."

 

Bottom line, if she really wanted to be adventurous and have her complete freedom, she should've never cheated.

 

I'm sorry for disagreeing with everyone else on here and throwing you off, but that's my opinion.

[sandrawg]

Right there with ya my friend. I firmly believe that there needs to be trust in a relationship - but part of that is, you should not be putting yourself in a position where that trust can be questioned.

 

I don't agree. Pretty much ANY situation is one where trust can be questioned, if you are inherently an untrusting person, or if the trust has been eroded in a rel'ship.

 

People could cheat pretty much anywhere, at any time.

 

I mean, people could even get busy in the back of a CHURCH, for goodness sake, and I'm sure they have!

 

OP-if I were you, I'd loosen the leash a bit..let her go, but do take her up on meeting the folks who'll be going, so you can get a sense of what they're like.

 

Then I would tell your gf that, after meeting them, if you don't feel comfortable with these people, you'd like to reserve the right to ask her not to go. don't try to force her to do anything, though.

[sandrawg]

Huh? so, because she's cheated before, she's supposed to check in with him about everything she does that could potentially be a threatening situation? That's ridiculous.

 

See my previous post. People can cheat, anywhere, at any time, with anyone.

 

I don't think the OP needs that much hand-holding. He's already forgiven her, and he sounds pretty trusting.

 

My exbf of 8 years cheated on me in the beginning of our rel'ship, when we were in college. We got past it, and he never strayed again. I didn't need him on a short leash to get past it, either. I knew he was fundamentally a good, trustworthy person who had just made an immature mistake.

[rokston]

First, I would not feel comfortable being put in such a situation. Of course I would want her to go and enjoy herself and at the same time .. 2 guys, 2 girls, ghost hunting camping... hmm, just dont like the sound of it. Especially on the backdrop of prior trust issues..

 

Also, I get that she wants to go with friends from work and have a bit of fun. I can even get that she wants to do this without her partner. BUT I dont get why the guy needs to bring his friend along? If the friend doesnt really know the group why is he being used to balance the numbers? Also, you have not been invited ... why?

 

Ultimately, you kinda have to let her go since it's her decision. You have to trust her unless there is a specific reason not to. But it definitely would play up on my mind and it's a little stange that she doesnt think about how she's putting you in a awkward situation...

[doityourself]

I would say go, if her coworkers dont know that you guys are together then they will find that out if you go.

 

I say camping 2 girls and 2 guys would throw me off to. Even if I didnt have trust issues this would raise a flag for me.

[dada]

Andos99,

 

To me honesty is everything in a relationship. Keep in mind that just because someone is being honest doesn't mean that they are being fair and just. Honesty means that they are telling you their thoughts. But with honesty you can make an informed decision. I haven't read all of the threads and you may have addressed this already, but if this camping weekend is innocent then why hasn't she invited you along for that weekend. It's just as easy to invite you have drinks as it is to go camping. That should tell you a lot.

 

You do as you are comfortable with. If it were me, I wouldn't object to her going camping at all, however I would object to her coming back. I promised myself I will not dish out any crap in a relationship ever again but at the same time I will not take any.

 

Peace Bro.

Dada