Is There Any Other Way!??

[Beoslasher]

So I went to this movie with this girl, that I'm in love with. She's not ready for a relationship, and I'm not pressuring her to be in one anymore. We flirt and have a amazing friendship. She just won't open her heart. She's been hurt, and there's part of her life that she refuses to share with anyone. So it must be pretty bad.

She used to vent and she opened up to me, and I couldnt handle the ideas that she liked other guys, whereas I'm right there in love with her hearing all this. I let it build up, and I blew up. So now were basically where we started.

 

So anyways on the ride home from the movies tonight were talking, and shes always so confused as to why I'm still even friends with her, and I manage to say that I love her, and she says it too, however, she says that maybe we should maybe try to spend less time together, just wean ourselves apart. I personally thought that was silly at the time, because it's like trying to keep warm in winter with a sheet, not a blanket. It's like censoring feelings, and I think that is dishonest and stupid. I tell her the only way shes getting rid of me is if she wants me gone. Which she says she doesnt. Part of me just wished she did though, it'd make this so much easier

 

So I get back here and I decide to write to you guys, since I trust and value your opinions. Is there any other way to get thru this or wait it out, or is our friendship/ way future relationship destined to fail?

[atelis]

i can appreciate where you are coming from because i recently had the same thing happen.

 

it's hard and frustrating, because you keep giving but get little in return.

someone who is blocking their feelings is not in love with you, so don't believe her when she says it. people throw the 'love' word around like an adjective.

 

can you still be 'friends' with her without it upsetting you? if you can't, then for your own sake you need to distance yourself from her, because it will continue to hurt you. back away, give her distance and space and try to get on with things. go out on dates if you can and let her feel that she's missing you

[Beoslasher]

i can appreciate where you are coming from because i recently had the same thing happen.

 

it's hard and frustrating, because you keep giving but get little in return.

someone who is blocking their feelings is not in love with you, so don't believe her when she says it. people throw the 'love' word around like an adjective.

 

can you still be 'friends' with her without it upsetting you? if you can't, then for your own sake you need to distance yourself from her, because it will continue to hurt you. back away, give her distance and space and try to get on with things. go out on dates if you can and let her feel that she's missing you

 

Its so unbelievably frustrating, I never ask for anything in return, I can see it in her eyes, her laugh, and smile. It just sucks because i've been so adamant about not leaving her, I'm stronger than that blah blah. I would just feel so weak if I decided to up and leave her after I've said so much. I wish I could just understand her, If there were other girls I felt interested then i'd pursue but I'm having no luck. It upsets me when i cant talk to her, and it upsets me when I think I'm not enough for her or something. I'm just in a crappy position all around

[atelis]

you don't have to up and leave, but distance yourself. if she asks why you are being distant, just tell her that you thought about what she said and that you perhaps think it's better if you spent less time together.

 

the only way she is going to work out her feelings is if she misses you. become less available to her. right now, she knows she has you as a security blanket......if you take that away, it may make her think a bit. people who build walls can be very hard to break down.

 

i know it's easier said than done, because you obviously lover her and love spending time with her, but you need to start being true to yourself as well.

[Beoslasher]

Your right, I'll try that, I thought about texting her and tell her about it, but I think i'll just do it gradually. It'll be hard, but It has to be done.

Thanks for the advice

[atelis]

it is the hardest thing to pull away from someone you love spending time with.......but you have to be strong and give it a go, otherwise it will just eat you up more and more.

[jpearl]

Well I can give you some advice on this one. I've just spent the last 1.5 years with someone just like her. My ex-boyfriend told me at the beginning of our relationship that he had been really hurt by his ex-girlfriend (she cheated on him with her ex), and just wasn't ready for a relationship. He had HUGE walls up. I fell hard for him, and I thought if I'm just really good to him and I really love him he will learn over time to trust me and those walls will come down. Well let me tell you, they didn't. That is because NOTHING you do will make them come down, it has to be a decision on their part. We broke up about a month ago, because he still wasn't feeling like having a relationship with me and being a year and half he felt like he was wasting my time. I tried doing just friends with LC and just last night we had a long talk, where we basically decided to go NC, because I was still just way too emotionally involved and it wasn't making me happy thinking of him being able to go and see other people. So do yourself a favor, if someone says they don't want to be in a relationship, believe them. I understand how hard it is to let go, but you deserve someone who wants to be with you.